(Clearwisdom) Since I began cultivating, lust has been a very strong attachment that caused much interference.
Because of my university career, I am constantly on the computer. When I was a child, I learned to browse the Internet, and have since looked for all sorts of things. I developed a terrible habit in which every time I logged onto the computer, after browsing for a little while, I felt as if my main consciousness would enter into a state of slumber or dullness. I could see what I was doing, but it all felt as if I was “sleeping with my eyes open.” After several years, this mental state became so strong that as soon as I opened the browser, I had already developed a state similar to what Master describes in Zhuan Falun,
“Someone always says: 'Teacher, once I close my eyes my body will swing.' I would say that this does not necessarily need to be so. You have already developed a habit of abandoning your Main Consciousness. Once you close your eyes you will put the Main Consciousness to rest, and it will disappear. You have already developed this habit.” (“Attachment of Zealotry,” Lecture 8)
I used to look at some very bad stuff on the Internet, especially things related to lust. Eventually I became addicted to these things, and developed what I considered to be a very strong attachment. I battled with the attachment to lust for years, but still I could not eliminate it.
When I realized I could not continue harboring such a strong attachment, I set my mind to begin resisting the urge to mindlessly browse the Internet looking for bad things. When I began resisting, I experienced very intense interference. My head began to hurt, and the mental pressure was so strong that I would give in after a while. I simply felt that getting over this tribulation was impossible, that I could not pass the test no matter how much I tried.
One day I told myself that I would begin reading the Fa, one lecture every day, no matter what. No matter how busy I was, no matter how many exams I had, no matter how much truth clarifying work I had to do, I would dedicate time to studying one lecture of the Fa with a calm mind every single day without exception. As soon as I finished reading one whole lecture for the first time, my body felt very light, and I felt as if a very heavy burden was taken from me. I did not experience any strong thoughts of lust that day.
As I continued reading one lecture of the Fa every day, my main consciousness became stronger and stronger, and I was finally able to completely let go of my attachment to lust. Now, every day I feel cheerful, my body feels light, and I have a pure mind.
It was then that I realized the main reason why I could not break free from lust and other strong attachments. I was not studying the Fa enough. I would read only one or maybe two sub sections a day, and then hurry up and began doing other things. I felt I wasn't truly cultivating since I didn't read the Fa much. I was still thinking about my personal interests and benefits and not focusing on cultivating my heart.
Regarding Fa study, I truly realized that it is just like a fellow disciple said in one of his experience sharing articles, “Sharpening the axe before cutting the wood is not a waste of time.”
When I did the exercises for the first time after I began reading the Fa abundantly, I felt so many things that they are difficult to express in words. I felt that I was in other beautiful paradises, and that I was sometimes passing through dimensions very quickly. I felt that this was Master encouraging me to do better and better. I was quite moved by the fact that even after I had done so terribly in the past in my cultivation, venerable Master was still encouraging and taking care of me. Master’s compassion is boundless.
My advice to fellow disciples who are going through strong tribulations and who feel they have strong attachments they struggle with: Please study the Fa abundantly!
Finally, I would like to share a quote from Master's Fa in "Drive Out Interference" from Essentials for Further Advancement II:
"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts."
All of the above is merely my own limited understanding, based on my personal cultivation experiences. Please point out anything inappropriate.
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Category: Journeys of Cultivation
