(Clearwisdom.net) I was on a train from Beijing to Tianjin one day in 1994, fully absorbed in reading a Buddhist scripture, when a clear voice inside my mind asked, “Are you willing to practice Buddhist cultivation at the cost of giving up your love?” At the time, I was madly in love and my answer was a firm no. Although my heart was leaning toward Buddhist cultivation, I could not let go of my human life and human notions, and didn't know those were all attachments to give up in cultivation. I had searched for qigong masters, yet when I came across Falun Dafa in 1996, I turned a blind eye and lost the opportunity. I thought it was the same as other qigong practices.
Near the end of 1998, my health was very poor, my family was on the verge of breaking up, and I was losing hope in my career due to infighting among my colleagues. My whole world seemed to be coming to an end. At this point, a practitioner brought me the book Zhuan Falun and my life embarked on a brand new journey. Before cultivation, I felt sleep-deprived if I got up at 7:00 a.m., but now I could get up at 5:00 a.m. to join the group practice in a large sport field. Before cultivation I felt tired even when lying in bed. Now I can easily carry my child while climbing a hill. I truly feel the joy of a life free of illness. When I read Hong Yin, I could not stop the tears coming down my cheeks. I improved from enduring five minutes in the half-lotus position to longer in the full-lotus position, minute by minute. The conflict I had with my colleagues was resolved, and my work became much smoother. My family life also became harmonious. Everything in my life had taken a turn for the better.
Unfortunately, the persecution started before I could fully understand what true cultivation was. The Chinese Communist Party started their plan for the upcoming persecution of Falun Gong on April 25, 1999, by issuing various internal documents and orders from top levels down. All of their strategies and tactics were well concealed and only a small number of high-level officials knew the seriousness of the situation. When I lent Zhuan Falun to a division-level military officer, he told me with good intentions, “The current circumstances are very serious. You'd better be cautious.”
After the persecution started on July 20, 1999, pressure came from all aspects of life. I clarified the truth to family and colleagues. Fellow practitioners remained steadfast and went to Beijing and various levels of government entities to appeal. We were all on our paths of assisting Teacher in Fa-rectification. In October 1999, some practitioners and I planned to do the exercises publicly at the Tianhe Sports Center in Guangzhou City. I got up at 5:00 in the morning and packed some underwear and a toothbrush in preparation for a possible arrest, determined to keep practicing Falun Gong no matter what happened. Teacher further purified my body during this time, and after a couple days of tribulations I felt that all my organs were purified. I truly felt that Teacher could help us with anything as long as our xinxing was at the required level.
In December 2000, I had a xinxing problem of looking down upon practitioners who were not diligent in their cultivation. The evil took advantage of my loophole and the military security division detained me for over 20 days. Teacher was watching over me and helping me the whole time. I felt I was immersed in Teacher's strong energy field, and I had no fear at all. I kept talking about the beauty of Dafa and the evil persecution to the soldier guarding me, and to officials of the Central Military Committee's security division. Most responded positively, but one of them wanted to make me suffer, and during an interrogation insisted on finding out about an address they found during a search of my home. The address was that of a fellow practitioner from out of town. I mailed truth-clarification materials that exposed the head of the evil's crimes to that address. I was determined not to reveal this to the interrogators. So I asked for Teacher's help to solve this critical issue, while planning to take control of everything else on my own. At the very moment I asked for Teacher's help, a warm flow of energy permeated my whole body. The next day during the interrogation, every time the person picked up the piece of paper with the address, his hand trembled, his eyes looked dazed, and he could not speak a word. After putting down the address he returned to normal. Eventually he had to give up. I truly felt that Teacher was watching each and every thought of practitioners.
It was winter at the time of my detention, and I was being held in a small solitary cell. I felt no cold or discomfort at all however, except for the bug bites. Fellow practitioners mailed truth-clarification materials and petition letters on my behalf to the military leaders. I was released under Teacher's care. During my detention, the police ransacked my home multiple times but could not find any Dafa books. This was because at the very beginning of the persecution, I was determined with one thought, “I will never turn in Dafa books.” As a result, the police could not find any books at all, although I did have dozens of Dafa books hidden in my home. I have come to realize from my experience that it was the one steadfast thought that really counted in cultivation. As long as we have righteous thoughts and pure, steadfast hearts, Teacher can help us with anything.
In the following year, the authorities kept harassing me and attempting to “transform” me in vain. The head of the military security division tried to force me to curse at Teacher and Dafa and threatened that they would detain me again if I refused. I told him firmly, “I can give up anything, including my military rank and job. But I will never curse Teacher.” Afterwards, I was released without any further harassment. Teacher was watching over me and guarding me again.
I subsequently developed the attachment of zealotry and thought too highly of myself.
“The desire to show off plus the attachment of zealotry are most easily exploited by the demonic part of your mind.” (“Definitive Conclusion” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
The authorities then had a collaborator talk to me. At the time I didn't realize it was a dangerous trap. She talked on and on for almost three hours, taking words from Dafa books out of context and talking about giving up so-called attachments. I was confused and deceived, and I wrote something that I should not have. It was shameful for me!
When I read the scripture “Rationality” from Essentials for Further Advancement, I felt so much remorse. I said to myself, “I must recover the loss to Dafa.” Upon having this thought, I suddenly fell to the ground, and some of the skin on my hand came off. A voice then said to me, “Your 'transformation' was right. Don't go back.” However, my main consciousness was very clear and I said, “I must return to cultivation. No one can stop me!” The voice said right away, “Once you return, you will be arrested again! Do you still want to practice?” I replied, “I must return to cultivation even at the cost of my body being destroyed.” The voice said, “Will you continue to cultivate if your family is arrested?” I had a fleeting thought of how my wife and child suffered so much during my detention, worrying about misunderstandings and gossip from others. However, I said firmly, “I will cultivate to the end!” I knew that whoever endures and suffers for Dafa will be rewarded with the best future. Then another voice asked, “Fa-rectification will last a long time. Can you keep going like this?” I replied, “I will not falter assisting Teacher in Fa-rectification even if it continues for another hundred million years.”
Ever since then, I have made use of all opportunities to clarify the truth to my superiors and colleagues. When I talked about the truth behind the staged Tiananmen Square “self-immolation” to a very high-level military officer, I felt an overwhelming sensation of energy on top of my head reaching high in the sky. The feeling was beyond description. Afterwards, all the harassment stopped. I was returned to my original work post in the military. The head of the military security division was removed from the position. The political instructor who was most active in persecuting Falun Gong practitioners died of leukemia. The deputy political instructor who sent his own daughter, a Falun Gong practitioner, to a forced labor camp died of liver cancer.
I later worked at a truth-clarification materials production center and became a main coordinator of local efforts to save more people. With the cover of my military uniform, I carried and delivered materials on trains, in the military residential compound, on business trips, and wherever else I went. Although they were under a lot of pressure, my wife and child helped me in delivering truth-clarification materials to fellow practitioners and everyday people. My vow to validate the Fa encouraged them and bound them firmly to Dafa.
I am now living outside China. I still have a lot of attachments to let go of, especially stubbornness, qing, and the desire for fame. Compared to diligent practitioners and the requirements of the Fa, I still have a long way to go. I must strengthen my Fa study, let go of my attachments, diligently advance in my cultivation, and do the three things well in order to fulfill my prehistoric vows.
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