(Clearwisdom.net) Two years ago, I was pushed to the position as the local coordinator. At that the time, several other practitioners either didn't want to do it or couldn't do it. The other practitioners thought I had the enthusiasm and the ability. Looking back, Master made this arrangement out of compassion. Through coordination work, I was able to eliminate my attachments to self, my strong personality, and my impatience.
Among ordinary people, I had a strong personality and was good at almost everything I did. I was also detail-oriented and had a good work ethic, which was recognized by my bosses and coworkers. However, this strong personality also manifested in my coordination work with other Dafa practitioners.
When I first began doing coordination work, I had a tendency to accept only ideas similar to mine and was close to practitioners with similar notions. I also was more thorough when coordinating projects that I “recognized.” I liked to hear compliments. When other practitioners made suggestions that conflicted with my notions or ideas, I always looked outward. Although I didn't say anything on the surface, I mentally rejected their suggestions. I slacked off on the projects that I didn't buy-into. Sometimes I did nothing at all. When sharing with other practitioners, I always thought my understanding of the Fa was better. When sharing with them, I sometimes found that their understandings did not meet my expectations, and I became impatient. I also said unkind things.
Master was compassionate. He arranged for there to be other practitioners with personalities similar to mine. Through our pointed conflicts, I was able to look inward, change my thoughts, and improve my xinxing.
In my Fa-study group, there was an older woman who was also very stubborn and very opinionated. It seemed that she couldn't accept other opinions or suggestions, and many others found her attitude and tone difficult to accept. For a while, during small-group Fa sharing, she rolled her eyes as soon as I started to speak. Sometimes she used very strong language to criticize me. At first I didn't understand that all of this was caused by my own attachments and did not realize that her behavior was a mirror to reflect my own attachments. I just thought that she was a coordinator, yet was so unwilling to accept other people's suggestions and never cultivated herself. I began to look down on her and avoided her. For a while I even stopped talking to her. The old forces took advantage of this gap and created a separation between us.
Once, the Fa study group location was changed at the last minute. She notified everyone in our group except for me. I felt wronged and didn't even want to participate in the Fa-study group. At that time, I found the xinxing test extremely difficult. Through studying the Fa and sharing with others, I was reminded that I needed to look inward more. I began to see that nothing was coincidental. Why did she only treat me this way and not others? Wasn't this a sign that I needed to look at myself and cultivate myself? I also realized that I shouldn't affect the group due to my own attachments. The separation between us concerned more than us; it affected the overall coordination of our group. I tried very hard to change my old thinking of always looking outward in a conflict. I continued to look inward. Whenever I saw a shortcoming of hers, I looked inward to see if I had the same problem. I also focused more on areas in which she excelled.
Gradually, through Fa study and looking inward, my understanding in this area became clearer. The old conflicts between us began to melt away. During group Fa study, when I saw the way she talked to me, I no longer became angry. Instead, I asked myself why she always treated me that way. Was it because of my attitude when I said things, or was what I said wrong? When she rejected my suggestions, I no longer became upset. I realized I still had attachments. After reading Master's lecture “Be More Diligent,” I felt even more strongly that coordinators need to let go of our notions of self. We shouldn't coordinate based on what we think is correct. We should instead follow the needs and requirements of the Fa. Everyone's human notions, regardless of whether one realizes it, will affect the whole body of Dafa disciples in doing the three things.
Breaking through self-imposed obstacles, clarifying the facts face-to-face
Since the beginning of the persecution, I have basically been following Master's guidance. However, compared with the practitioners who are firm on the Fa, diligent, and with strong righteous thoughts, I still have a long way to go. Especially when it came to face-to-face fact-clarification, I had a lot of difficulty. I am an introvert and usually do not like to chitchat. In addition, I grew up under the influence of the Chinese Communist Party and had a lot of human notions. I wanted to make a breakthrough, but my notions always prevented me from speaking up. I missed a lot of opportunities this way and was very anxious. I realized that there were still many people who had strong predestined-relationships with me whom I hadn't saved. I told myself that time was limited, yet my attachments and human notions always stopped me. I found it very difficult to change.
I asked the practitioners who were good at face-to-face truth clarification to show me the ropes. I asked them to bring me along when they clarified the facts to people. After a couple of times, I realized their success wasn't due to their being more eloquent. Actually, I might even be more well spoken than they. I could talk for two hours straight without repeating myself. However, no matter how much I said, people usually didn't quit the Chinese Communist Party. Yet these other practitioners only needed to say a few sentences, and people were then willing to quit the Party. The key was that they had hearts of gold, pure and firm. Their fields were very pure. They were not afraid of being looked down upon or rejected. They had no attachment to saving face or vanity, nor any fear of being reported to the police. All they wanted was for people to learn the facts. Their purely compassionate energy quickly disintegrated the bad factors in the people's fields. This was what I didn't have. They gained this through cultivation and not through doing projects. I also realized that I couldn't achieve this through just copying them. I needed to cultivate.
I reflected on myself and what attachments prevented me from clarifying the facts effectively. I searched through every thought and wrote them down. I found many attachments, such as the attachments to fear and to leisure, the fear of suffering, the fear of not being understood, the fear of being rejected, the attachment to vanity, the tendency to procrastinate, the attachment to hierarchy and class, and the lack of compassion. I knew these notions were not a part of me. They were formed through thousands of years of reincarnation. They were arranged by the old forces. Every day I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate these attachments and human notions, and recited the Fa.
When I had to clarify the facts face-to-face in the past, I always felt something inhibiting me, keeping me from speaking up. Now, before I step out the door, I send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate these elements that keep me from clarifying the facts. Since I began doing this, I haven't had as much difficulty clarifying the facts. I can now clarify the facts to strangers or coworkers without awkwardness. However, I still have a lot to improve in comparison with the practitioners who have done well and a long way to go to meet Master's requirements. I still need to look inward with more effort in order to better clarify the facts and save people.
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Category: Improving Oneself
