(Clearwisdom.net)
I began to practice a year ago, and there aren't any other practitioners near me. I have had a wish since a long time ago, which is, I hoped that I could send my experience sharing to the Minghui/Clearwisdom website. Whether or not my article gets published, at least I would be able to send my good wishes to Teacher in gratitude for his benevolent salvation.
1. Obtaining the Fa after being in delusion
I loved daydreaming since I was a child. I always liked to stay in a quiet place and let my thoughts wander. Because of this, the impression I left with people was that I wanted to escape reality. When I was young, I was very weak and always got sick. It was very common for me to end up hospitalized and given injections. To this day, I still remember that when I was in grade two, on June 1st, Chinese Children's Day, I developed measles. My parents had to take me to the Chinese Herb Market to buy certain Chinese herbs. With measles all over my body, I had to endure being very itchy. I was very depressed. Later, I wondered: How come I have had so many illnesses? Besides physical tribulations, there were also tribulations in other aspects, such as, because I was introverted, I didn't like talking to others and ended up always being bullied. In primary or high school, or even at work after I graduated from school, I was always mistreated. I had this impression deep in my heart that everyone else wanted to take advantage of me. In this way, I gradually lost my confidence. I began to indulge in computer games and couldn't snap out of it. Only in a virtual world like that could I find "my own value."
In November 2009, I lost interest in computer games, and then I began to idly surf the web. On one accidental occasion, I joined a QQ group. As I was working in the computer field, I naturally was interested in computer related items. This group was made up of people with computer backgrounds. At that time I knew that some websites were censored in mainland China, so I had been looking for software to break through the blockade. Right then the group leader sent me a software program and told me that by using it, I would be able to check out overseas websites. At the moment I started surfing with it, I had an unfamiliar excitement rise inside. After I checked out a few overseas websites, I began to learn many shocking censored news stories that I never knew before, and I got to know the truth about Falun Dafa. Before that, I seldom watched TV or read newspapers. Therefore, before I first got in touch with the truth of Dafa, all I had as impressions of Dafa was that a friend of my mother practiced it. When I first went to her home, I saw a few pictures hanging in her living room—one was Teacher doing the sitting meditation with the monastic robe on. At that time, I felt that it was truly amazing for such a young-looking person to become a Master in a Qigong school. Other than that, it was the staged "self-immolation" incident at Tiananmen Square that I knew about.
After I learned the truth about Dafa, I began to browse the Minghui and Zhengjian websites. I was very interested in the articles in terms of exploring life and the universe on those websites. I kept reading and reading, and gradually I developed a thought, which was: What exactly is Falun Dafa? After that, I downloaded an electronic copy of Zhuan Falun. After I finished reading the introduction, “Lunyu,” I was deeply touched by it. The content was so profound. After that, I finished four lectures at one time. I felt that something in my heart was gradually melting, and I had never felt this comfortable before. It took me two days to finish Zhuan Falun. After I finished reading it, it was just like what Teacher said, my view of the world changed fundamentally, I came to understand the true meaning of life. I also changed from an atheist to a non-atheist. I felt that I should not lead my life muddle-headedly any more. However, because of my postnatal notions and other unhealthy habits, I didn't start cultivation right away, only my view of things and of the world had changed. I was in this state for a while. Not until May 13, 2010, World Falun Dafa Day, did I finally develop the thought of beginning cultivation.
Since the day I began to practice, the first test I encountered was to let go of my addictions. My strongest addictions related to computer games and videos. I sat in front of my computer. For a while, I had two voices echoing in my mind: One asked me not to give it up, because this was what I liked; the other was asking me what the true meaning of my life was. Since I had found the path to return home, should I give up on this opportunity that only came in eons? I made up my mind and decided to treasure this precious opportunity. With a few clicks, the computer games and videos in my computer got deleted. That same night, for the first time, I began to do the exercises. While doing the "Wheel Holding Posture" exercise, I clearly felt there were Falun rotating between my hands. I became very excited. At night, after I fell asleep, I felt that I was in the sky, I saw the stars so closely, it was truly vivid. After I got up in the morning, I felt that it wasn't a dream. I swore: I must cultivate myself solidly, go back to my original and true self, and return to my true home.
2. Improving myself amidst tribulations
After I made up my mind and began to practice cultivation, the tribulations came. When my wife and relatives learned that I wanted to practice Falun Gong, they were all against me. My wife even had her friends come over to talk to me in order to stop me from doing cultivation. They started by saying that practitioners were being severely persecuted in China. A family member of a friend of hers, who had only practiced Falun Gong for a few days and a very long time ago, was still being harassed by the CCP. At that time I lacked righteous thoughts, yet my heart was not moved. I couldn't come up with a way to convince them, also there were many external factors interfering with me. As I had started cultivation only very recently, I still had many attachments, so that I was in a dilemma for about a month. In July, I realized that they neither were against me nor supported me, all they were concerned about was not to have others find out about me. I knew that I had paid off the debt. I also knew that for a month, the tribulations that I had were to see if I could firm up the thought of cultivating Dafa, because as Teacher said, Fa-rectification has come to its final stage. Just as Teacher said, it was hard to enter the door nowadays, as the old forces would try their very best to stop people from coming in. Without a strong wish and heart, one could not obtain the Fa.
About a month ago, I ran into many tribulations. One was: It was a very hot day in summer. In the evening, as I was reading Zhuan Falun, which I had downloaded to my cell phone, suddenly my wife became furious. She was very upset with me, telling me to sleep outside on the patio without giving me any reason why she was angry. She locked me out, and there was no space on the patio where I could sleep. I was almost at the point of anger, but soon I recalled what Master said:
"Thus, when you encounter a conflict, I would say that it is to transform your black substance into the white substance, de. " (Zhuan Falun)
I slowly calmed down. Then I thought to myself: Since I'm a practitioner, isn't all I want De (virtue)? So I was ready to sit outside for the whole evening. Within 10 minutes, my wife suddenly opened the door and asked me to come inside the room with a smile on her face. She also mentioned that it was cooler inside the room with the air conditioning on. She was totally different from before. I was dumbfounded, then figured:
"In fact, that is how it is. Why don’t you give it a try when you return home. When you are overcoming a real hardship or tribulation, you try it. When it is difficult to endure, try to endure it. When it looks impossible and is said to be impossible, give it a try and see if it is possible. If you can actually do it, you will indeed find: "After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!" (Zhuan Falun)
For the first time, I began to feel the wonderfulness of Dafa and Teacher.
After that, I had one test after another. I didn't pass the first trial of lust twice in one dream. After I woke up, I felt so disappointed, I made up my mind to pass this test next time around. From then on, I was alert. Sometimes before we went to bed, I warned myself to maintain my xinxing. About two weeks later, one night I had another test of lust. This time it was very dangerous. At the point where I was almost about to move, I suddenly woke up, then didn't move. While I truly appreciated Teacher's enlightenment and kind help, I felt that I didn't hold myself strictly enough. From that day on, I have been trying to stay away from any pictures or videos in this respect, in order to keep my mind clean.
3. Saving People by Clarifying the Truth
After I finished reading Teacher's article, "Turning the Wheel Towards the Human World," I felt that currently the most urgent thing for Dafa disciples to do is to save people, yet time is pressing. I decided to follow Teacher's Fa-rectification process closely. Because I was too anxious at the beginning, I went to the extreme and clarified the truth to my wife and her friends at too high a level. As a result, they thought that I had some mental issues. After that, my wife told her friends not to talk to me anymore. She also didn't allow me to do things from time to time. I was worried. I wanted to save people but didn't do it well. I also didn't know that, as a Dafa practitioner, studying the Fa, cultivating oneself well, and purifying one's realm are the key. Only by having strong righteous thoughts can one rectify the Fa and clarify the truth to people well. I have caused some damage—a few of my wife's friends don't want to see me still. After a month, I decided to read through Teacher's new articles. I spent all my spare time reading Teacher's Fa. During the process, I could clearly feel that my realm was elevating. After I finished, I came to understand why I could obtain this precious Fa in this special historical period, as well as the cultivation form and the great historical significance that a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple is shouldering.
After thinking thoroughly, I decided to set up a small-scale material production center. There was all kinds of interference in terms of financial resources, location selection, etc. Eventually, under Teacher's arrangements, I set up a material-printing center that was not home-based. I began to burn DVDs and print truth-clarification bills and letters. I made use of my spare time, either after work or during the weekends, to distribute them. At the beginning, I was a little fearful. With more Fa-study, my righteous thoughts began to be stronger and stronger. As soon as I thought that I was a Dafa practitioner, right away, I felt that my body was full of energy. After I began practicing, I always wanted to have a copy of Zhuan Falun of my own. Seeing my wish, Teacher had me manage to purchase all sorts of equipment to produce Dafa books. When I saw a copy of Zhuan Falun that I made myself in my hands, I was extremely excited. I knelt down, held the book above my head in front of Teacher's portrait, and truly appreciated Teacher from the bottom of my heart for imparting to me this wonderful universal Dafa!
At work, I was holding myself to the standards of Dafa. Even though evil thought karma was trying to interfere with me any time my main consciousness was not strong enough, I tried my best to use my righteous thoughts to expel it. I remembered what Teacher said: "Validate the Fa with rationality, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa and save people with mercy." (“Rationality,” Essentials for Further Advancement II) Under Teacher's arrangements and care, I have helped most of my colleagues with the "Three-Withdrawals" (withdrawing from the Chinese Communist Party and its youth organizations). When it came to clarifying the truth to my friends, at the beginning, I was often moved by them, and my righteous thoughts became weaker as time went by. Afterwards, I began to look within and found a few of my attachments, such as the attachment of validating myself, easily giving up, not being detailed enough, attachments to saving face, and fear of enduring hardship. I kept rectifying myself in Fa-study, and eliminated my attachments. Gradually I became not that easily moved by others. As a result, some of my friends proceeded with the "Three-Withdrawals" with my help. I deeply understand that everything I did is a manifestation of the power of Teacher and Dafa.
During the process of making truth-clarification materials, I came to understand that the Shen Yun Show was directed by Teacher in person and it has the same power as when Teacher was first spreading the Fa in China. I followed the requirements laid out on the Minghui website to burn every Shen Yun DVD, then passed them on to ordinary people. Teacher has been promoting Shen Yun as a top-notch arts group. When I distributed the Shen Yun DVD, I treated myself as someone spreading Shen Yun. I bought an MP5 player with a 7-inch screen, then loaded the introduction video clip and audience feedback in it to help promote Shen Yun. At the beginning, I was afraid, but as soon as I realized that what I was doing was the most righteous thing in the world—assisting Teacher in rectifying the Fa—my righteous thoughts came forth. I could clearly feel that that one thought was strong enough to split a mountain. Besides doing Shen Yun promotion, I was also making DVDs of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. In making those, I also followed the requirements laid out on the Minghui website. I put each one into two plastic bags, I stuck self-adhesive tape to the back of each bag, then posted them in the residential areas. When I was posting them, I had this thought: Not to let evil people see them, only have them be taken by people who can be saved. With Teacher's protection, I have been walking my path fairly smoothly and passing one trial after another.
Up until now, I have had attachments of lust, pursuit of comfort, the show-off mentality, and other attachments popping up. However, I clearly remember what Teacher said in Zhuan Falun: "You must be strict with yourself. In cultivation of the Buddha Fa, you should strive forward vigorously." I clearly remember that I am a practitioner. For me to be able to embark on the Fa boat on the final leg of Fa-rectification, my gratitude towards Teacher is beyond any description. Only by cultivating diligently will I be able to not let down Teacher's saving grace!
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