(Minghui.org) Thinking of my past self and looking at my present self, I regret wasting so much valuable time. Today, I'm writing down thoughts from deep in my heart to clear up my mind and cultivate myself better to be worthy of Master’s merciful salvation.
Let's start with my husband, who started practicing before the persecution started on July 20, 1999. When he first started, I did not oppose it, but I didn’t truly understand what Falun Gong was. I only thought that it was for fitness and didn't believe anything else. But shortly after he started practicing, I suddenly turned into a different person, an unreasonable shrew, and refused to let him practice. At that time, every time he returned from practicing the exercises, I’d fight with him. I even threw away the exercise cushion that my father hand-made for him. I hid his books to keep him from reading them, and we fought often.
On July 20, 1999, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started persecuting Falun Gong. It utilized the country's entire propaganda machinery to slander Falun Gong. My daughter and I were scared, and that fear strengthened our will to oppose my husband's practice. Due to pressure from my daughter, myself and his workplace, he appeared to have stopped practicing, and I relaxed quite a bit.
One day several years later, my husband was on break at home when his cell phone rang. He didn’t pick up, so I asked him why he didn’t. He mumbled some excuse. Later, I found out that the caller was a fellow practitioner whom he used to practice with. I knew that practitioner. After that, I found some truth-clarification materials and little
amulets with the words “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance” in my house. That drove me insane. I interrogated him and wouldn’t let him sleep or go to work. I threw away those materials, firmly opposed him from studying again, and wouldn’t let him contact other practitioners. My daughter called the fellow practitioner in tears and begged him to promise not to contact her dad. That practitioner spent a long time talking to her, and the last words he said stayed with her: “Young lady, please remember that Falun Dafa is the righteous Fa and is good.”
I fought with him like that every day and ordered him to write a letter promising not to practice and not to contact outside practitioners. At first he refused to write it, but later he was worried that I would contact his employer, so under pressure he wrote a promise not to contact outside practitioners, but he didn't write the words “stop practicing.” As I write this, I feel such pain and regret in my heart. At the time, I was such an unreasonable, evil woman.
Actually, I didn’t really throw away the materials and little amulets that he brought home. Instead, I kept them, and when he wasn’t home, I would read them. One day, I found a VCD called “We Tell the Future” outside my door. I picked it up and watched it again and again when he wasn’t home. It helped me understand a lot. Those practitioners were so compassionate and honest. I then knew that Dafa was righteous and could really benefit individuals and the country as a whole in terms of improving people's health and increasing morality in society. Take my husband as an example: he’s been practicing for over ten years. During this time, he hasn’t needed any medicine, has done a lot of housework, has treated me and my daughter well, and has had a great work ethic. I understood all these things, but this government was so unreasonable! I’ve lived in this country governed by the evil CCP for decades. I deeply understood how evil the Party was—I was scared! I was afraid that something could happen to my husband, to my family. Understanding the truth brought peace to my heart, and I wanted to compromise with my husband.
One night, I calmly told him that he could continue to practice and that I wouldn't bother him again. I also asked that he practice at home, avoid contacting outside practitioners, and mind his safety. I gave him back his Dafa materials, amulets, and the promise letter I forced him to write. Shocked, he said, “This is great, you didn’t throw them away. You can still be saved!” He cried with joy, and so did I.
Now I should talk about my experience. Since I've known about Dafa, I have missed over ten years of time. Good is rewarded, and evil is punished. During these years, I’ve suffered major and minor illnesses, such as backache, leg pain, and insomnia. I no longer have an appendix or reproductive organs or breasts. Over these years, I have suffered from one illness after another.
In the beginning of 2011, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. A friend of mine found a fortuneteller from Jiu Hua Mountain, who said that I wouldn’t make it to the second half of the year. It felt like the end of the world—I couldn't describe my feelings at the time. For a few days after the surgery, my daughter cried every day at home and would not eat, sleep, or go to work. Seeing this, my husband couldn’t understand why, with such a good Fa, we wouldn’t enlighten or start practicing.
One day, my daughter came to the hospital to visit me. She seemed different, a little more energetic, and smiled more. I was happy about it and wondered why she had changed so drastically.
After my surgery and discharge from the hospital, what awaited me was six painful sessions of chemotherapy. That night, I started having a fever that lasted for two days. Post-surgery fever is scary, because it could lead to other complications. That night, my daughter said she wanted to talk to me. She asked me not to be angry, and before she could say anything, she started crying.
She said, “I remember that you said I looked more energetic when I came to visit you after your surgery. The night before that, I had a serious conversation with Dad. He told me many things about Falun Gong and told me that people suffer in this life through sickness and fight for small personal gains and sometimes even kill for such gains.
“You know that Dad is not good at communicating and expressing his feelings, but that night he said a lot. It was all reasonable. I took it all in. Later, he read Zhuan Falun to me until I fell asleep. You know I haven’t slept well for days, but that night I felt so comfortable. The following day, I received a text message saying Falun Dafa saves people with predestined relationships. I said to my cell phone that I believe, I truly believe. From then on, I decided to study Falun Dafa. I read the entire book. I recited 'Falun Dafa is good' and 'Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.' I started feeling better–I started eating more, sleeping better, and feeling relaxed, and I can concentrate better at work. Did you know, Mom, if I didn’t start practicing, it is possible that I would be really sick, like you. I did not have less pain in my heart than you because I love you. Let’s start practicing together. Master can save us.”
This conversation touched my heart. I promised her that I’d study with her. I wholeheartedly recited, “Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!”
A miracle happened that night: I was half asleep when my lower abdomen emitted a loud noise. Then, a strong warm energy flow filled my body. I woke up. It was real, not a dream. In the morning, I told my husband about it, and he happily said, “You can be saved. It's a good thing. Master is helping you to cleanse your body.”
From that night on, I didn’t feel as much pain. My fever went away. My daughter was very happy. After taking care of me, they went to work. I found Master’s lecture videotapes and started watching them at home. When I grew tired of sitting down, I would stand up for a while. When I got tired, I’d lay down for a little bit. I took it all in. I watched Master telling me benevolently that “Zhen-Shan-Ren is the Sole Criterion to Discern Good and Bad People” (Zhuan Falun). Master also told me what is truly a good person, the relationship between loss and gain, the transformation of karma, how to be a human being, elevating xinxing, and other things. At that time I was thinking: If our government promoted this, there would be more people practicing Falun Gong, and our country would be the best in the world!
I read the books, studied the Fa, and practiced the exercises at home. Master strengthened and encouraged me often. I’d never felt such great comfort in my body. It is truly magical. I'd done many bad things to Dafa in the past, and yet, Master was willing to save me. I understood Master’s teaching that if you did something wrong, then just do it well next time based on the Fa. I read Zhuan Falun over and over and started copying it by hand. I also borrowed Master’s other books from fellow practitioners to read one by one. In the evening, my family would sit down to read and practice together.
Six months after my surgery, friends and family would tell me that I was recovering well and that I seemed more energetic and looked prettier. At first I thought they were just saying it to make me happy. Then, one time I saw my brother-in-law in person. He was shocked at first and said, “Oh, Sister-in-law, I haven’t seen you for over ten years now, right? You look just like you did then and haven’t changed much at all.” When I heard that from him, I believed it was true, because he was a kind person and wouldn’t lie. Since then, we've become closer.
This whole year, my health has been good. I didn’t need any medicine and didn’t even catch a cold. It was better than before I had the illnesses and surgery. I value the relationships I have with fellow practitioners. It is they who are helping Master to rectify the Fa and saved me. It is Master’s benevolent arrangement. They are all good people. It is nothing like what the government labeled them—an “evil cult.” They are not involved in politics. They just study the Fa and do the exercises. They also clarify the facts to people to help them see through the poisonous lies and have a good future.
I am 55 years old and only graduated from junior high school. I was in elementary school during the Cultural Revolution, so I really am not well educated. This article isn’t well-written, but this is my real experience! I feel regret inside and want to write to those friends who have not had a chance to learn the practice or understand the facts about Dafa. If you ever have a chance to get truth-clarification materials about Falun Gong, please don’t refuse to read them because the Communist regime is against it. Please use your own conscience to measure right and wrong. Don’t be fooled by the lies, and don’t miss this predestined opportunity.
Here, I also want to declare that my past words and acts against Dafa and Master are all null and void. From now on, I deeply believe in Master and Dafa. I will cultivate diligently and become a qualified Dafa disciple.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
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