By Jing Xing, a practitioner in China
(Clearwisdom.net) I have believed I was doing pretty well during my course of cultivation over the past 13 years. Some practitioners had also admired me for my career in the civil service before I retired. With my human attachments and being heavily influenced by Party culture, I accepted their praise.
I routinely met with several practitioners at a public place in 2003, at specific times, to share experiences. Looking back, I now see that I only did this as a formality, because there was almost no substantial sharing during those meetings. During that time, Master gave me hints many times but I failed to understand them. Three non-practitioner friends eventually came to warn me in person not to go there anymore. I thought about not going, but I was worried about setting a bad example, because I thought that other practitioners were looking up to me and would also stop going. In fact, my attachment to fame had already obviously manifested itself—I was afraid of being regarded as timid and fearful. My wife was extremely worried, and objected to my going to that meeting place again. But I thought I had a better understanding of the Fa than she did, so I totally ignored her.
Around that time, a fellow practitioner frequently came to me for help with his family problems. He trusted me, but I failed to relate this to the Fa Master taught in “Teaching the Fa at the Eastern U.S. Fa Conference:”
“...when two people have a conflict and a third person sees it, even that third person should think about whether there are any problems on his part—'Why did I happen to see it?'”
Not only did I fail to look inside, but my human attachment to being admired swelled. One day when the practitioner came to me early in the morning asking for help solving the problems between him and his wife (she is also a practitioner), my wife recited Master’s Fa to me directly, but I rudely refused to listen. The problem between my wife and me worsened, because I had completely failed to look inside.
I was subsequently sentenced to two years of forced labor. During those two years, my wife shouldered great pressure while I was treated inhumanely at the labor camp. With all kinds of human attachments, I was "transformed" against my will. When my term ended and I returned home, I held Master’s photo and cried. I felt sadness beyond words. I wished Master would still care for me, and I wished I could truly advance diligently in the Fa and could catch up with the progress of Fa-rectification and make up for the losses I had incurred.
With the quick progress of Fa-rectification, things have changed greatly, and the environment of cultivation practice has eased up. Fellow practitioners in our area have all followed Master’s requirements and done the three things, including clarifying the facts and saving sentient beings. Some elderly practitioners have been stepping forward and clarifying the facts face to face every day. I wanted to follow them and be diligent, but my attachment to fear stopped me. I kept thinking that, as a local celebrity, I would be recognized as soon as I stepped out, and the evil would persecute me again. Additionally, some practitioners were still holding onto human admiration for me, and I had not dug out this attachment and removed it.
At that time, a practitioner opened a street stand and was looking for help. When I volunteered to help her, I had an excuse for not solidly saving people. When anyone suggested that I go out and do truth-clarification, I said that the stand was my platform for truth-clarification. On the surface I was doing the three things and appearing diligent, but I had forgotten that cultivation practice targets one’s heart, not one’s outward image, and that if one’s attachments are not removed, the evil can still clearly see them in other dimensions.
Master has repeatedly given me hints, and I have dreamed of scenes of myself being persecuted. But when I woke up I kept telling myself it was okay and thought of how to deal with my attachment in human ways. Sensing a lot of evil elements in our local area, practitioners reminded each other to send forth righteous thoughts, however, we overlooked looking inside to find our attachments. Therefore, we were sending righteous thoughts in order to avoid persecution, and the righteous thoughts were not as powerful as they should have been. With an unsettled heart, I continued helping at the street stand. Just as happened the time before, I was warned not to go there, but because of my attachment to being admired, I bit my lip and stayed. I was subsequently once again arrested and put into a detention center.
It was not until I was in the detention center that I calmed down and looked inside along with fellow practitioners. Unlike before, we learned to do it right this time. We were all very open with each other and pointed out each other’s attachments as soon as we saw them. Our sincere observations were accepted right away. When there were conflicts, practitioners would immediately look inside and take the Fa as Master at every moment. We started clarifying the facts to the guards and inmates, and most of them accepted the truth and were saved. Every one of us wrote down the Fa we had memorized and shared with each other. In such a harsh environment, we were able to be strict with ourselves, which was totally different than the eased-up environment outside. Inside the detention center, we encouraged each other and actively removed attachments as soon as they were discovered. Outside the detention center, practitioners collectively sent forth righteous thoughts and tried different ways to rescue us.
Under Master’s intricate arrangement, another practitioner entered the detention center and shared understandings with me face to face, and helped me look inside sincerely. I gave all the information about the practitioners held in the detention center to this practitioner, as well as the list of people who had agreed to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. When I returned to the cell, I shared with fellow practitioners what I had learned from the outside practitioner. We discussed and shared our understandings, improved our understandings on the Fa, and firmed up our faith in Dafa and Master. Perhaps Master saw us sincerely looking inside, and saw the determination and efforts of outside practitioners in rescuing us, and thus the evil was disintegrated. My fellow practitioners and I were released one after another, and again merged into the current of Fa-rectification.
During my 13 years of cultivation practice, I have been detained and sentenced to forced labor and had my home ransacked many times. I have been fined, suspended from work, and had my salary withheld. The persecution implicated my family, and my family and friends were greatly harmed. But I had avoided looking inside and truly identifying my human attachments, especially my attachments to being admired. I had become complacent after doing a little bit for Dafa, thinking that I had done things for Dafa and sentient beings. It wasn’t until now that I have come to understand what brought me to this tribulation and stopped me. This writing is intended to wake up those practitioners who have the same attachments as mine, so that they can cultivate themselves well during the not-so-long rest of the journey, and solidly do the three things that Master requires us to do, becoming worthy of the trust all sentient beings have placed in us.
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Category: Improving Oneself
