(Clearwisdom.net) I had a dream regarding the attachment of jealousy in my work, which awoke me abruptly. After I woke up, I sat up. I became aware that this attachment of jealousy had been with me a long time. I know that as a cultivator I need to let go of this attachment, and when it appeared in my dream I knew that I had not cultivated it away yet. I became disappointed with myself. I knew that I needed to let jealousy go, but how? Where was the loophole in my cultivation?
When I am at work, I start out eager to learn. I know that there is a process of learning on the job and becoming more capable. When new on a job, I respect those who have been there longer, and I understand that they have more seniority. As time goes by I become more proficient at my work and then I develop feelings of pride and even arrogance. I don't outwardly brag, but on the inside I am comparing myself with everyone else. I feel that some people do their work well, and others do not. As I become even better with my work, my pride and arrogance grow also. I start to look down on others, and do not listen to their suggestions. When I notice people who are more capable than I am, I am skeptical and cannot accept it. I realize that I have extreme jealousy. I don't like to admit that this is true of me, but I know it is, and I have had difficulty trying to eliminate this jealousy. I feel bad when I see it. I feel bitterness toward this attachment.
When I examine my past employment history, I realize that I have been repeating this pattern of being humble in the beginning, and then experiencing pride, arrogance and jealousy. I have been repeating this “vicious cycle” even with fellow practitioners. I think that I have been cultivating for a long time and my understanding must be better than others. What I say, and even the tone of my voice implies that I am superior to them. Sometimes, when I see some behavioral changes in practitioners that come from their enlightenment to the Fa, I hold a negative attitude toward them. In fact, this is the manifestation of jealousy. As time passes, I avoid them. I cannot upgrade my cultivation level, and yet I convince myself that I am cultivating well. This phenomenon, from the surface, is an attachment of jealousy. Digging deeper, it is the manifestation of “demonic interference from one's own mind.” Although I acknowledge the seriousness of this attachment, I still can't let it go; this concerns me to the point of being worried.
After I studied Master's recent scripture, “Watch Out for Breeding Demons in One's Own Mind,” I came to understand that gods like beings who are humble. Jesus Christ claimed himself to be a servant. He praised God at all times and respectfully followed God's arrangement. I look at the vicious cycle I am in, not knowing how to be humble, using ordinary people's credentials as the standard for praising myself, while forgetting that I am creating a “soil” for jealousy to grow. Using the concept of so-called “ability” to differentiate people is wrong to begin with.
Examining my own mentality, when I didn't know anything, I pretended to be kind and sincere and could take criticism humbly and lived up to the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance on the surface. When my pride and arrogance surfaced, my compassion became false. Although on the surface I didn't look down on people, inside I was always comparing. My speech didn't match my heart; I was kind in words but vicious in the heart. Continuing this way, jealousy would form and compassion disappeared. I would be full of hypocrisy and inconsistency. I was reluctant to share my real understanding of the Fa and what I shared with practitioners was my false experience. When my heart was full of jealousy, there was no Forbearance at all. A little at a time, I was separating myself from Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Wasn't this, step by step, breeding demonic interference in myself? When I separated myself from the characteristics of the universe, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, my life would not be smooth and my cultivation tribulations would also increase, because at that time, gods wouldn't help me anymore. I was controlled by my karma.
Then, how can I get out of this vicious cycle? I think I should always maintain a humble attitude. In “How to Provide Assistance” (Zhuan Falun (Volume II)), Master said: “Only by being modest can you handle things well.”
First of all, being modest brings me into the favor of divine beings, because gods prefer to see people be humble. I enlightened that humility is a manifestation of Forbearance. Whether your life is going well or not, whether your social status is high or low, whether your abilities are many or few, humbleness will never take us out of Forbearance. Second, being modest will keep us in a good state of mind, and will keep us from competing with others. Master said in Zhuan Falun: “...for mutual disrespect and not eliminating the attachment to competition can both easily lead to jealousy.” Doesn't the attachment of competition stem from the attachments of fame, self-interest and sentimentality? Whether it be fame or self-interest, or even sentimentality, if we fight with others to prove a point, that is evil. Isn't this the evil Party culture of “struggling with heaven and earth” while disregarding all things and disrespecting gods. However, when we are able to treat all people with respect, without having pride and showing arrogance, our kindness will naturally be revealed. As cultivators, isn't complacency discouraged? Once a cultivator reaches a certain level in cultivation, he must expand his capacity to upgrade even further. As soon as we develop complacency, our xinxing becomes stagnated and our cultivation level can't rise, because at that time we can't see our inadequacies. If we maintain a humble attitude, treat people with kindness and sincerity, our capacity will naturally improve.
This is just my current understanding at the present time.
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