(Minghui.org) During the period when the evil party held two congresses in March 2012, one day I was looking for a phone number to call a colleague, but I could not find it. I had written down all of the phone numbers of my family, relatives and friends on a piece of paper. I always kept that piece of paper in the same place in my drawer. When I couldn't find it, I suspected that someone might have searched my drawer. Nothing else was taken except that piece of paper. I knew that the evil party had issued orders during the ongoing two congresses. Our company leaders were secretly watching me. I thought they must have stolen my list of phone numbers.
I guessed that someone in my office had taken the list. On the surface, I still kept talking to my colleagues about Falun Gong calmly (I had talked to them a lot about Falun Gong before), but my mind was not calm at all. After two days of observation, I figured out who had taken my list. It was the second time she had cooperated with the evil party to do such a thing. I felt upset and disappointed. After she had cooperated with the evil party the first time, I talked to her a lot. We usually got along very well, like sisters, but she betrayed me for fame and profit. What kind of behavior was that? The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. Finally, I felt annoyed whenever I saw her.
I knew that my state of mind was not right. I calmly thought: “An Arhat would not be moved when facing anything. But I became so upset.” I started to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate this bad human attachment. I became calm for a while, but then felt upset again. I immediately sent forth righteous thoughts again, and I became calm for a while again. This happened over and over again. In order to prevent the colleague from making the same mistake and committing crimes against Dafa again, I decided to write a truth-clarification letter to our company leaders. After I wrote the letter, I went to visit my mother, who is also a practitioner. I wanted to ask her to review the letter for me.
When I was close to my mother's home, I recalled some of Master's Fa. I was shocked and immediately became clearheaded. I thought it over and realized that I might have very strong human attachments, so the old forces took advantage of the loophole and manipulated others to commit crimes with the excuse of removing my attachments. With this thought, my mind became calm. After I arrived at my mother's home, fellow practitioners helped me to find many of my human attachments, such as sentiment toward that colleague. I had not realized it at all, but other practitioners saw it immediately and pointed it out. Thank you, fellow practitioners!
After I gave the letter to our company manager, I thought I had passed the test. One night, I dreamed that my mother and other family members were very nice to one of my friends and paid a lot of attention to her, but she ignored me. I was very upset and admonished her. My mother told me: “No matter what, you should save her.” Afterward, I started to cross barriers. I woke up when I was crossing the second barrier. I thought about it, but I was not able to figure out the meaning of my dream.
Perhaps Master saw that I still was not enlightened on this issue and impressed the following words into my mind:
“A wicked person is born of jealousy.
Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.”
(“Realms” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I finally understood that what had happened was caused by my attachment of jealousy. I treated others well, but others did not treat me well. Because of jealousy, I became upset and felt that it was unfair. I had never considered that my attachment in such a situation was also jealousy. I thanked Master for this hint, as I realized another form of jealousy. I further thought that if the attachment of strife is wickedness, the attachment of unfairness is also wickedness.
After reading fellow practitioners' articles that said the attachment of looking down on others is a manifestation of jealousy, I found that I also had a strong attachment of looking down on others. I had a kind of “pride” in my mind. I respected those who were honest, sincere and did their own work. I disdained those who had power and money, and looked down on and bullied poor people. From a human perspective, I think one should have a backbone. This is right in the human world. However, as a cultivator, it is an attachment. People do bad things because they are in a maze and do not know the truth. They are also poisoned by the evil party's atheism. Actually, those people are really pitiable. Isn't feeling disdain toward others and strongly looking down on others a kind of jealousy? I found that there were attachments of presumption and strife behind this “backbone.” Frankly, it is also an attachment of jealousy.
I always worried before that I had a strong attachment of strife, but I could not get rid of it. Since gaining this new understanding, I have gotten rid of much of it. This is what I am enlightened to so far. Fellow practitioners, please point out anything inappropriate.
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Category: Improving Oneself
