(Minghui.org) During the past year, my biggest achievement was that I learned how to really look inward; I was able to come out of confusion and become a true Dafa practitioner.
I am a seasoned practitioner who started practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. I experienced first-hand the evil persecution initiated by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I have been beaten up, kidnapped and incarcerated. As my cultivation was not solid, I was doing the three things with human attachments. While working with fellow practitioners, the tension and conflicts grew and the gaps between us became wider. I started to harbor resentment and hate. I was also filled with jealousy and even wished my fellow practitioners would get persecuted. I knew that I should get rid of these evil thoughts, but it was not good enough just sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them. I was trapped, and I really wanted to break out of this predicament.
Master saw my wish to improve myself and helped me. One day, a fellow practitioner came to talk to me and stated how she studied the Fa intensively and always looked inward. She shared with me the process of how she had faltered and then became steadfast in returning to Dafa. I was shocked. She really told me about all the dirty human thoughts she used to have and how she got rid of them. I really admired her for her courage, and at the same time, I was awed by the power of Dafa. She shared with me from the viewpoint of the Fa and encouraged me to dig deeply to find my attachments and shortcomings. I started to reflect upon myself and slowly uncovered my impure thinking. I was afraid that fellow practitioners would laugh at me and say that although I had been cultivating for more than 10 years, I was still in such a poor state. But Master made this phrase appear in my head: “Being afraid to be laughed at is also an attachment!”
I asked my fellow practitioner: “I am so bad, wouldn’t you laugh at me?” The practitioner said: “Nobody would laugh at you. All human hearts are dirty. The fact that you are able to tell me your thinking means you are able to look it in the face. As long as you are willing to get rid of these bad thoughts, it will be easy to change. Master is helping us: The critical thing is to study the Fa with a calm heart.”
During this period of time, I calmed down my heart and studied the Fa, one word and one sentence at a time. I studied and reflected upon myself. I looked for my attachments and wrote them down. Later I told fellow practitioners my attachments in an aboveboard manner. It was a painful process of looking inward, and I found myself to be very despicable and not worthy of Master’s salvation. Sometimes the human attachments that were hidden would be very cunning. I wanted to reveal them to my fellow practitioners, but those attachment would tell me: “Don’t say it, it is too shameful. It is good enough that you know about it and get rid of it yourself.” I realized that when I was able to talk about my attachments and shortcomings, my heart experienced a miraculous change, becoming lighter and more expansive.
With intensive Fa study and experience sharing with fellow practitioners once a week, I felt as though I had only begun to learn how to cultivate. As I uncovered the many selfish notions hidden within me, my heart became peaceful. I could now face conflicts with a positive attitude. An incident then came up that allowed me to learn how to look inward during a conflict.
One day, after experience sharing with fellow practitioners, the words spoken by one of them became etched on my mind, “When encountering conflicts, always look inward.” When I was having a conflict with one practitioner, another one said, “She told me that she had already apologized to you.” At that time, my human thinking came up, and I thought, “It was that practitioner's fault, and she even went around telling others that she had apologized to me.” I went home to complain to my husband (also a practitioner).
That day the wind was strong, and the moment I entered the house, I saw that the door and windows of the room were wide open. I was angry and thought: “It must be my child who forgot to close them before she went out. When she comes back, I will give her a lecture.” I then closed the door and the windows and went to the kitchen to cook. After a while I noticed that the door was open again. I then discovered that my husband had opened the latch of the door in the morning, so the moment the wind blew, the door would open. The wind then also blew the windows open. My angry thinking about lecturing my child disappeared, and I knew that I had wronged her in my thoughts.
At that moment, I realized that I needed to look inward. I realized that when incidents happen, what we see with our eyes may not be the real truth. We must first check our attitude. Initially I had wanted to complain to my husband about the conflict between me and the other practitioner, but now I realized that complaining was also another form of defending myself. It meant that I had not let the matter go. At this time Master’s teaching from the “Fa Teaching Given to the Australian Practitioners” came to my mind. I started to cry and was speechless with joy.
Master helped me to experience the joy of looking inward. I thank the fellow practitioner who created the conflict from the bottom of my heart. It was really a good thing. Master said that looking inward is a true gift. I realized that if I look inward, I will be peaceful, and if I look outward, I will be angry. So, if you want to truly cultivate, you should learn to really look inward. Thank you, Master, for helping me finally learn what it means to truly look inward!
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Category: Improving Oneself
