(Minghui.org)
Greetings revered Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
All cultivators will encounter tribulations and tests. The biggest test I've encountered is how to resolve my resentment toward my husband.
My husband and I always fought with each other when we were everyday people. I was tired of him being unable to do anything well. He always liked to say, “I think that...” No matter how urgent the thing was, he was always absentminded and did not pay attention to what I said. In the end, he always misunderstood what I said and messed everything up. He never corrected his mistakes and never learned from his mistakes.
I became very upset every time I heard him say “I think that...” Whenever I argued with him, he always said, “I think it was you who told me...” He did not care about how upset, anxious or tired I was. We fought from the time we were young until we reached our older years. I was very depressed. However, I obtained the Fa at a time when I was desperate and was able to regain joy and hope.
My husband began practicing Falun Dafa at the same time as me. I hoped he could get rid of his bad habits by practicing Dafa. (Later, I understood that this thought was disrespectful to Dafa.) I realized very soon that it was impossible for my husband to change himself. I was very disappointed.
One day, he said, “I think...” again. I interrupted him angrily, “Why do you always say 'I think'? Have you not changed one little bit, even after practicing Dafa?” He became very angry as well and said I did not respect him.
I knew as a practitioner I should not have fought with my husband, but I could not control myself. I also recalled all the bad things he did in the past. I remembered when he damaged a table by carelessly using a mosquito coil. I remembered that when I was sentenced heavily after being arrested for engaging in truth-clarifying activities about Falun Dafa, my husband's witness to the police regarding my activities affected my sentencing. I remembered that when I was released from prison, he hurt me by saying something cold. I also remembered his resentment towards me when I did not let him watch TV. I could not eat or sleep well when I thought of these things. I did not want to talk to him, but I told myself I should not do that. However, every time we talked, we fought again. For example, I told him his palm was not straight when he sent forth righteous thoughts. He talked back and said my palm was not straight. When I told him he should not fall asleep when he studied the Fa, he said, “Who is the one who slept ? It was you, not me!” I told him he was so unreasonable and he fiercely said, “So what! I want to be unreasonable.”
It seemed quite difficult to talk to my husband. I tried to act reasonably in my life. Why was he so unreasonable? Why did he not change after practicing cultivation? I could not understand it and could only blame him for these difficulties in our relationship. Thus, I felt I should just avoid talking with my husband altogether.
My husband was illegally arrested by the policemen after the persecution first began. I knew this had frightened him and so, I did not push him to do Dafa projects. I went to pick up the truth-clarification materials and distributed them all by myself and bought the printer to print fliers myself. I dared not tell him what I did and he did not ask. I always thought, why bother talking to him.
On the surface we did not argue, but we did not let go of our attachments either. At that time, Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party was published. I felt it was urgent to clarify the truth and save people, but the estrangement between my husband and me was like a mountain in my path of cultivation. I always felt I was correct and did not know how to get on well with him.
Master said:
“The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.” (“Drive Out Interference” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I realized that only Dafa could help me. Why did I not study the Fa well? I did not study the Fa regularly, neither did I concentrate when I studied the Fa. I wanted to study the Fa with my husband. To my surprise, he agreed with me right away. I thank Master from my heart for his compassionate arrangements.
We decided to get up at 3:30 a.m. every day, do the five exercises, send forth righteous thoughts and study one lecture of Zhuan Falun. We have been able to read the whole book every week. We stuck to our schedule, however busy we were. It has been 8 years since we began studying the Fa together. We have already studied Zhuan Falun more than 300 times and we read Master's other lectures every three or four months.
Teacher said,
"Study Fa without idling, changing in the process" ("Advance Wholeheartedly, Enlighten Righteously" in Hong Yin II)
I really changed during the Fa study. I finally understood that I was wrong. I was wrong because I had been using the principles of everyday people to judge my husband. As practitioners, we should use the Fa's principles as our standard. No matter how reasonable the principles of everyday people seem, they are still within the Three Realms. Master said, "However, the Three Realms are the reverse of everything in the cosmos, " ("Dafa Is All-Encompassing" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
It seemed that my husband brought me all this pain, but the resentment in my life was a reflection of the actions in my previous lives. Suffering is repaying a karmic debt. That is the principle of the Fa for a cultivator. However, I had been fighting with him using the principles of ordinary people. How could I not be held accountable for what I did in another lifetime? If I owed others, I had to pay them back.
My Understandings after Improvement
First, I understood that attachments are the biggest barriers in the path of cultivation. There is no coincidence in cultivation. I may have owed my husband too much in my previous lives and could not pay him off! Master suffered for me, and at the same time used my debt to help me improve by suffering a little bit and repay my debt. I had been addicted to the principles of ordinary people for a long time. When I looked inward, I understood that I had the attachment to fame. My loopholes caused the interference. I had tears in my eyes when I understood this. The brightness and happiness was unforgettable!
Second, I understood what cultivation really means. Cultivation is to get rid of our own attachments. I always blamed my husband and wanted to change him. I thought I was superior to others. I was conceited, arrogant and looked down upon others. I did not respect other people and wanted to change them. I had the attachments of showing off, competitiveness and jealousy. Master said, "So a cultivator needs to let go of all the notions and principles of everyday people, and only then can he cultivate to a high level and break out of the Three Realms, the reverse of the cosmos." (“Dafa Is All-Encompassing” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I understood that cultivation is serious. Master also said, “He's right, and I'm wrong” (“Who's Right, Who's Wrong” from Hong Yin III). I remembered that there are no coincidences in my cultivation. I should look inward and let go of my attachments. This is not only my own cultivation, but also the validation of the Fa because I am a particle of Dafa.
Third, cultivators should cherish each and every life. I understood that I should respect other people. Everyone is unique and their characters are different from each other. Master is compassionate to all the beings and cherishes each and every life. It is wrong and impossible to look down upon others and to want to change them. We have to be compassionate to other people and correct ourselves. I should treat my husband and all people this way. I found my shortcomings when I upgraded my xinxing.
In the past, I was willing to help my friends and relatives. They were nice to me as well. Most of them quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations. However, I had a heart of disregard for them because I had the highest education degree in my family. This was a terrible attachment.
I have been living a simple life and do not waste anything, but this is just a virtue of ordinary people. When I looked back from the perspective of cherishing life, I found it is very different. Master said, “The appearance stems from the mind.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting”) When I understood this, my husband changed right away. He stopped saying, “I think...” He studied the Fa with his heart and went out to clarify the truth. Dafa resolved our resentment and we did not fight with each other anymore. My home became so harmonious.
Becoming Mature in the Fa
The first, most important thing we did was to form a Fa-study group. My husband and I benefited a lot from it. We hosted a few Fa-study groups at our home according to fellow practitioners' different schedules. I also tried my best to find former fellow practitioners. I invited them to join our Fa-study groups. For those who were not able to join, I gave them materials and shared experiences with them. Under master's mercy, those former practitioners renewed their belief in the Fa. During the past few years, our Fa- study group has never stopped. No matter what changes occurred in our environment, we have been unmoved. We did the three things well and with rationality.
Secondly, making changes to some characters in Zhuan Falun according to the list helped us progress in cultivation. When we made changes to some characters in Zhuan Falun the first time, we finished all the books. However, we failed to make other changes later on. Last October, we studied Master's lecture,“Touring North America to Teach the Fa.” We read the section regarding the changing characters.
“Question: When there are revisions to Dafa books, which version should we go by?
Teacher: When we find incorrect words it's necessary to make revisions. With Master here, the Fa cannot be sabotaged. For the Chinese books, go by what was recently published in Taiwan.”
We understood that it was our responsibility to make the changes so we made the changes seriously. We checked three times to make sure we made all the changes correctly.
The whole process of making changes was very hard. It was time consuming to check three times. I stayed up for a few nights in order to finish it faster. I looked at these Dafa books all night. The 13 years of opposing the persecution and the hardship of keeping these books all appeared in my mind. The peaceful state of mind dispersed my attachments to comfort and to doing things in a hurry.
The third thing we realized as we matured in cultivation was that we must study the Fa well. It is the Fa that helped me find my attachments. It was the Fa that helped me look inward. It was the Fa that helped me let go of my attachments. When my xinxing is upgraded, Dafa shows me the principles of a higher level. In this way, I make progress in the Fa. Studying the Fa well is really very important.
I found that many practitioners have encountered tribulations. I understand them very well because I walked the same road. I sincerely hope that all practitioners will study the Fa well.
Thank you Master for saving me!
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