(Minghui.org)Yesterday, after my father and I each caught a train home, I sent him a message and then turned off my cellphone. When I called him up this morning, he was enraged, “I thought you had an accident, why didn't you leave your cellphone on? (He forgot he had received a short message from me)
My father is a fellow practitioner who is experiencing sickness karma. During the 10 days he spent in the hospital, we exchanged our cultivation experiences with each other. But he has a lot of human thinking, although he is aware of some problems, and can also think of Teacher's related Fa, he cannot let go of his notions. I was illegally detained once, so when my parents cannot find me, they become so anxious that they feel angry with me.
When this occurred, I thought that I should look inward: “Do I think too much about myself, unable to understand the feelings of others?” However, as soon as I had this thought, another thought came: “How could he be this way? How could he think such a negative thing?” Then another thought came up, “Find my own shortcomings...” However, negative thoughts appeared again: “These negative things are imposed on me. It was a waste of time sharing with him for so many days...Why couldn't he look within himself?...This is a real barrier...” So, I went over my thoughts, looking for inadequacies within myself.
Finally, I found one thing, a living thing, which stopped me from looking inward. Although, I was clear-minded and rational, and knew that I was wrong, why was I not able to look within myself 100 percent? Instead I was always looking at someone else's behavior. What was the thing dragging me to look outward? Why did it affect me and what role did it play whenever I encountered conflicts? I found that its name is “look-outward,” and that it blocked me with obstacles. Previously I didn't treat it as a spiritual entity, I treated it as my own thinking and actions, making it difficult to look inward to find my attachments - always 30 percent my fault and 70 percent someone else's. When I wanted to blame myself 100 percent, it violently struggled in my head until I used great strength to finally eliminate it.
I began to think that I should consider this “look-outward” as an entity that truly exists. After it was completely eliminated, I found that whenever I looked inward, everything was smooth and peaceful, that no opposing thoughts appeared, and that I didn't even look at the behavior of others.
I'd like to remind fellow practitioners that when you look inward, do not let “look-outward,” this kind of spiritual body, interfere with you; and that after you have eliminated this interference, you can then truly find your own attachments.
As far as this matter of mine is concerned, I came to realize that I did not try to understand my father's psychological burden and pain, and neither did I sympathize with his dwindling memory due to old age, causing him inconvenience and to be muddle-headed. Although he has been cultivating, his realm is different and his capacity is different. As a Dafa practitioner, I should be able to accept and understand others' deficiencies. Meanwhile, I should be more considerate. For example, I should, when getting on my train, call up my parents to let them know where I am so that they won't worry about me.
Cultivation is a gradual process. Nobody can get to the moon in one step. I must have a patient mind and should require myself to do well.
Thank you, Master, for letting me have this opportunity to understand such issues.
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Category: Improving Oneself
