(Minghui.org) Greetings, benevolent Teacher! Greetings, fellow practitioners. I'd like to share my cultivation experience on promoting Shen Yun.
Eliminating Resentment
I began practicing Falun Gong in 2011, and this is the second year I have participated in promoting the Shen Yun show. We are lucky to be where we are, because after we have wrapped up the Shen Yun shows in our area, other cities need our support. One could almost say that we do Shen Yun promotion all year round. At first, I often went to the malls to sell tickets. I felt that since I was young, selling tickets at the malls would be a good fit for me. This year I also participated in leaving brochures on the doors of people's homes. Of course, during this process, there have been many cultivation opportunities, and many of my attachments that needed to be eliminated surfaced, such as that of resentment.
I got my driver's license in mid-September. By the next day I was already driving on the highways to put up posters. It was raining that day, and I was very focused on the road. It was the first time I had put up posters, and I was a bit scared, afraid of the embarrassment of being turned down. It went well overall. We had almost finished putting up all the posters by dusk. At the end of the day the driver usually dropped off practitioners at the subway station. On our way back this time, however, practitioner A asked me to drop him off at his home. I told him that I was very tired and it was my first day driving, so I really couldn't take him home. He said that it would only take a couple more minutes, but I still turned him down. After he got out of the car, I had a bit of resentment towards him. I thought that since he clearly knew that it was my first day driving, and since everyone else was so tired that they fell asleep in the car and there was only me driving, he should have considered my situation rather than ask me to take him home.
After that, whenever I went to help hang fliers on doors, I tried to avoid practitioner A so that he wouldn't get in my car. After a while, I forgot all about the fact that I resented him, and he got in my car again. Halfway through, at noon, he said that he was hungry and wanted to have lunch, and then it took him almost two hours to finish lunch. I thought to myself, “What a waste of time! Because he had to eat lunch, it impacted all of us.” That day, we didn't finish until it was very dark. I can't remember how many times, if practitioner A got in my car, after we finished, he not only asked me to give him a ride home, but also asked me to give all of the practitioners a ride home. I was very unhappy. I felt that we were all practitioners, so why wasn't he considerate?!
Teacher asks us to look within, so I began looking inside. I didn't feel that I was wrong at all however. There was no rule saying that one had to give all the practitioners a ride home. Was it because I had not reached the state of "...the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism" (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature,” from Essentials for Further Advancement). As I was thinking about it, I wondered if this situation occurred because I was being a bit selfish and only thinking of myself. I figured that I was tired, without considering the fact that the others were all very tired. I considered that this was not my true thoughts, that I had forced myself to think like this, which was not something enlightened to from the Fa from deep down.
I had been trying very hard to suppress my "resentment" towards practitioner A, so the last few times when he rode with me I had no feeling towards him. I didn't have that fear of him getting into my car. I had no other thoughts about him. When we arrived at the destination, I divided up the areas on the map, and then each of us began to hand out fliers in their assigned area. It was very cold and snowing that day, and we were handing out large brochures instead of flyers. Practitioner A said to me, "Those special editions are very heavy for senior practitioners to carry. Let's not split up in the area. If you could stay in the neighborhood near us, then we could carry a bit less. I'll call you if we are running out of materials, so you can come to deliver them to us." That meant, as a driver, I had more work to do. As soon as I finished delivering brochures for a few hours, I got their phone call asking me to deliver materials. Soon after, I received another phone call for the same reason, so I ended up not being able to hand out a lot myself. However, at that time, I suddenly saw practitioner A's kindness. He realized that the materials were heavy and since it was very cold, it was hard for senior practitioners. Therefore, he had them carry fewer brochures. When I later saw that practitioner running on the snow-covered ground to hand out materials, I was very touched. He handed out more than others, and he saved senior practitioners, who were teamed up with him, from much walking. I had never before seen how he hung materials on each door. No wonder he was so hungry at lunchtime and needed to eat a lot! When we headed back, he thought that the senior practitioners must be very tired, so he asked me to take them home. Not until then did I see my selfishness, but I saw that I had only thought about how tired I was, because I was a driver as well as hanging fliers myself. This selfishness is truly the principal of the old cosmos, whereas the new cosmos is composed of the all-encompassing and eternal Fa-principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
When I saw this practitioner again, I no longer wanted to avoid him. Actually every practitioner has a shining side, the side which has been cultivated well and that we cannot see. After I truly saw practitioner A, I had no negative feelings towards him, because I had seen his truly kind nature.
Eliminating My Selfishness
As it was my first year at the university, I had a light workload. I had classes only three times per week, so the rest of the time I basically hung materials on doors or sold tickets. The coordinator assigned me to a place where I had to drive for more than an hour, as very few practitioners were available, so whoever had the time would go there to help out. I understand "helping out," as an opportunity provided by Teacher to assist with Fa-rectification.
I belonged to ranks of those who sold very few tickets on-site. I was selling tickets well before the show date, so very few people were interested in buying them from our booth. I was agitated at the ticket booth, because from 10 a.m. to 7 or 8 p.m., I didn't sell any tickets or introduce Shen Yun to many people. Because I didn't have classes on Mondays or Fridays, the coordinator arranged for me to go to the mall to sell tickets. And because many practitioners either had to go to work or school, we were short of hands at the ticket booth. Selling tickets at the mall involved standing the entire day by yourself. I really didn't know how to sell tickets at first. I had thought that I was there to promote Shen Yun, and that as long as I got the message across, that would be ok. If someone was interested, they could call our hotline or the ticket company, or buy tickets from other ticket booths. I was going through the motions at the ticket booth.
In November, during a school break, the coordinator asked me to go to the mall to sell tickets every day, along with a Western practitioner. At first I was very nervous around her, because this year was different from before, and everyone had to take a test on promoting the show, and she was one of the examiners. I knew that if I said something wrong, she would catch it. In the past when we were together, if someone came up to the booth, I always deferred to her so that she could talk to the customer. I thought that since she did a good job, people would not miss the chance to see Shen Yun due to my lack of presentation skills.
I gradually learned from her. The coordinator later assigned us to a high-end mall in that area to sell tickets. It was almost Christmas, so more and more people were coming to the mall. The Western practitioner couldn't take care of all of them. I had to jump in and begin to introduce Shen Yun while she was talking to someone else. Since she was busy, she couldn't hear what I was saying, so I wasn't that nervous. As soon as I began talking however, she finished with her customer and just sat there and listened to me. When she looked at me, I was nervous and so afraid that she would point out that I said something wrong, or could have expressed myself better. After I made a breakthrough on the attachment of fear, I came to realize that being afraid of others criticizing me was an attachment to saving face. If I am truly responsible to Shen Yun, I shouldn't be afraid of criticism. And when someone can point out my shortcomings in promoting Shen Yun in a kind way, how precious an opportunity that is!
We later worked very well together. I helped her by flipping the book or handed her the seating charts. When the tickets were sold, she filled out the three-copy form, whereas I charged customers through the credit card machine. It seemed that as long as we worked well with one another, it was as if we were being assisted by gods. So many came to listen to our introductions and bought tickets, and everything went smoothly. Whenever either of us sold tickets, we were both very happy. We felt that it was more sentient beings being saved. Neither of us cared about who sold more tickets, not at all.
I also eliminated my selfishness during that time. I had to drive to a city far away, and on weekends I had to pick up and then drop off another practitioner in another city on my way to sell tickets. I spent about four to five hours on the road, even longer if the traffic was heavy. One time when it was snowing, it literally took me seven hours one way. When I got home, it was almost midnight every day.
I felt very sorry for myself for a while. I had gotten my driver's license very recently. As young as I was, I had to a drive for so long, and I wasted so much time on the road. I thought how wonderful it would be if I could use that time for Fa-study or doing the exercises. It seemed so unfair, and I began to harbor resentment. But what was I resenting? Shen Yun? That couldn't be it, because being able to participate in promoting Shen Yun was a great honor. Resentment towards fellow practitioners? That couldn't be it either, because we were all contributing to Shen Yun. And what would that have to do with practitioners who were riding with me?
The resentment kept surfacing, and then I had a dream. In the dream, I was being bullied, and I got very upset and pointed a gun at a person and said, “If you bully me again, I'll shoot you!” After I woke up, I was petrified. How could my xinxing have gotten so low? For one who practices Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, what had happened to my compassion and forbearance? In day-to-day life, I appeared calm and kind. I couldn't make sense of it. On my way to the ticket booth that day, I talked to the Western practitioner about my dream. She told me right away that my dream implied to her that I had resentment. At that time, I didn't believe it or recognize it. My only thought was that I was a peaceful person and free of that.
This attachment kept popping up for some time, even though I realized that since it was all for Shen Yun, it didn't matter who drove. In addition, it was not only me enduring the hardship--whoever drives is the same. Sometimes I would think about what Teacher said in “What is a Dafa Disciple,”
"The more hopeless things may seem, it’s possible hope will appear right before your eyes. Especially during those times when you are feeling so bored, perhaps you are in fact establishing your mighty virtue."
After a while I felt resentment again. I am a young girl, plus I had never suffered such hardship since childhood. I now had to be the driver and spend so much time on the road! I felt that my shoulders and wrists hurt.
This attachment kept surfacing, until one day I seriously asked myself, “What are you suffering? Why do you feel things are unfair? Isn't everything you do to build your own mighty virtue? You know that by suffering, one eliminates karma. Another way to look at it is, if whatever you did was solely for the Fa, isn't it worth your wrists and legs hurting? Can't you re-pay Teacher for what He has given you by contributing a little bit? How can you be so selfish?” This realization of selfishness suddenly woke me up. I actually felt I was being treated unfairly because I thought too highly of myself. This was selfishness. However, for one to cultivate, one needs to suffer hardship, which can eliminate one's karma. Also Teacher said in “Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions”
“A Great Enlightened One fears no hardship
Having forged an adamantine will...”
(“Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions” from Hong Yin Volume II)
I then thought, "If one just wants to enjoy happiness, one will be an ordinary person. That's the point of suffering hardships!" Teacher also mentioned in “Lecture in Sydney,”
"It is absolutely impossible for you to move up in cultivation and reach a level as high as you want by sitting there comfortably, drinking tea while watching TV. It is precisely in this complicated environment amidst trials and tribulations that you can improve your mind and reach high standards as well as high realms."
I was thus finally able to let go of this attachment. I truly appreciated Teacher for giving me so many opportunities to participate in validating the Fa, exposing my attachments and demon nature, and suffering hardship.
Thinking back, these two attachments are both part of being selfish. Actually I had a deeply buried attachment to protecting myself, afraid of being wronged and suffering hardship.
In closing, I'd like to share one story from promoting Shen Yun.
People Who Have Predestined Relationships
I spent six days selling tickets and took a one-day break. I was afraid that I would treat simply doing things as cultivation, so I had set aside one day to adjust my cultivation status. I stayed at home to study the Fa, do the exercises, and send forth righteous thoughts. I also had some household chores to take care of. One time the coordinator gave me two days off. I was very happy that I'd have the time to go to the Tianti Bookstore and get a portrait of Teacher.
I asked a non-practitioner friend to go with me. About a year ago, I had helped her withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party and told her how wonderful Falun Dafa was. After we left the bookstore, she said to me in a panic, "That was awful--there were all Falun Gong books in there!" This caught me off guard. I said, "Didn't I tell you before that Falun Dafa was wonderful, that it teaches people to be good?" I began telling her again about my cultivation experiences, and of how Falun Dafa had transformed me. I later said, "Why don't we read the first chapter of Zhuan Falun together." She agreed. We studied the chapter together, and I also talked to her a lot about Falun Gong. After we finished reading, she said, “Falun Gong is truly amazing, I feel like practicing with you now.”
After she went home, she told her roommates that she had begun to practice Falun Gong, and they were all petrified. They looked it up online and tried hard to find news defaming Falun Dafa to show her. After she read what they'd found, she changed her mind and asked me what was true. I told her to judge for herself, whether she wanted to believe the Chinese government propaganda, or what she had witnessed about a kind Falun Dafa practitioner and the book Zhuan Falun. It was up to her.
She didn't get in touch with me for a few days. I began to beg Teacher in my heart and wondered if it was because I had talked to her at too high a level and had pushed her away. If so, how could I possibly fix it? I begged Teacher to strengthen me. She called me a few days later, and said that she wanted to continue studying the Fa with me. I was truly touched. She later saw that I went to sell tickets and distributed brochures door-to-door, and she said that she'd like to help. I was concerned about the fact that she was a new practitioner and couldn't suffer hardship at the beginning. So I told her that it was hard, that one had to walk a long way doing the door-to-door work. She said that was OK with her, so I took her to hang brochures on people's doors. When she returned, she was very happy and said that she felt fulfilled, a very rare feeling. In addition, she said that the practitioners she met were so nice and genuine, which confirmed her faith in cultivation.
From this experience, I realized that I hadn't done well in helping people quit the CCP. I only emphasized the evilness of the Party, but overlooked having people understand the truth about Falun Dafa and how wonderful it is.
I had so many touching experiences during the past few months, such as my classmates who learned the truth also wanting to help put fliers on people's doors. There was also sharing with other practitioners about how they obtained the Fa, and their righteous thoughts and actions, which was truly helpful.
I truly appreciate Teacher for giving me this opportunity to participate in validating the Fa and saving sentient beings.
Please kindly point anything inappropriate due to my limited level of understanding.
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