(Minghui.org) I recently noticed a most obvious change in my xinxing: I have never been so clearheaded as I am about the fact that I have been validating myself all along. When I finally broke through a state of mind that I had previously failed to enlighten to for many years, I realized that my cultivation state has always been hanging on a dangerous edge.
At the time of the New Year a female practitioner I had not seen for quite some time said a lot to warn me, and her words were quite sharp. I did not feel she was right and even thought she was criticizing me for no reason and what she said was irrelevant. When she pointed out that many of the things I did were not right in cultivation, I could not take it and asked her in a sarcastic tone, “Are you saying that I'm already in danger?” I felt that she was a bit over the top and was over-exaggerating my small mistakes. With this attitude, I argued that everything she said was not true.
A few days later, a male practitioner came to my place, so I told him about the conflicts I had with the female practitioner, hoping that he could help me analyze the situation. I briefly summarized what happened, and this practitioner said, “Of course she has her own problems, but I must point out your problems. You are truly validating yourself while doing things to save sentient beings.” I was really shocked to hear his remark, and tears ran down my face at once. In that second, I truly acknowledged what he said from the bottom of my heart.
His words were serious, but why is it that I did not respond with bad feelings and instead felt immensely shocked and was in tears at once? There must have been two factors involved: First, the fellow practitioner did not have any mentality to show off or criticize me, but instead said what he did totally for my benefit, totally from the angle of being responsible to my cultivation. So his words had the power of compassion and could touch my heart. Secondly, I was indeed validating myself, and what the female practitioner said was right.
When I calmed down, I carefully reviewed my cultivation over the years and found that I had a strong attachment to showing off and validating myself when doing the three things, especially in the area of saving sentient beings. Actually the female practitioner did not point it out directly, but even so I still refused to admit that I was not doing well. I did not like it when she said I had a mentality of showing-off, and I denied it was true.
I always believed that it was due to my ability and persevering determination that I was able to use my professional knowledge to tactically clarify the facts to people in high social status. And I believed that my ability to clarify the facts well at large conferences resulted from my diligent study and training. Driven by such self-pride, I put more effort into my professional studies to further improve my standards with a purpose to defeat my colleagues even more.
When I shared with fellow practitioners how I clarified the facts to save some people with a high social status, I always had a very strong desire for praise and admiration from them. Yes, it was true that I was very brave and steady in clarifying the facts that way, and I also felt encouragement and protection from Master in the process, and the results were good. However, it was the power of the Fa that ensured the success, and I could not possibly have achieved what I did without the Fa. Therefore every bit of success was due to the power of Dafa, not “my own” ability.
I have always desired praise and admiration from fellow practitioners who do not have the professional skills or convenience of work that I did. This human attachment has been very strong all these years, yet I did not even realize I was validating myself.
The fellow practitioner said to me, “It's true that some of us cannot do what you have achieved, but you must know that all your abilities and skills were given to you by Master.”
At once, tears ran down my face again. I was so touched beyond words and felt so grateful to Master and to my fellow practitioners. My strong attachment to self, like a huge piece of granite suddenly broke into pieces. In my dimension there appeared a huge stretch of open terrain. I felt a huge load taken off me. It was such a wonderful feeling that only genuine cultivators could experience it.
I thought about the various “strong points” I have among everyday people. People often say that I am a “learned scholar with natural grace” and have a “beautiful temperament” and “elegant manners.” I'm known for my high professional standard. I'm also good at home decor and a skillful cook. I have had a strong attachment to my “self” all my life and have not improved much in this regard in my cultivation over the years. I tend to look down upon people who are a bit “unrefined”, including practitioners, and I always felt good about being high above others.
I know from Fa study that everything was given to me by Master, but I did not enlighten thoroughly to this, and my strong attachment to “self” was never touched. It remained solid like a huge piece of granite in other dimensions.
This time, a fellow practitioner finally helped me realize my pitiful attachment. My habit of studying diligently, my professional abilities, my interests in literature and arts--all of these were given to me by Master over thousands of years, throughout my various lifetimes. Every strong point I have was planted in my life by Master, who expects me to use every aspect of my strong points to save myself and sentient beings when Dafa is being widely disseminated. How can I get carried away simply because I have learned a little bit of the profound 5,000 years of Chinese culture that was created by the Divine? Even Chinese characters were created by gods. How can I think that I'm a man of ability simply because I can write them properly? It's laughable to hold such a mentality.
When I thought about this, I felt I had done so badly in the past, and with such a poor enlightenment quality. I studied Master's comment on a sharing (March 8, 2013), “If the Attachment to Showing Off Isn’t Eliminated, the Danger is Great”, and I was even more deeply touched. Validating oneself is showing off. It is truly dangerous if this attachment is not eliminated. I felt such panic when I recalled the dangerous situation I experienced in the past.
In the process of saving sentient beings, I relied too much on my professional skills in ordinary society. I often talked non-stop at work in an assertive manner, trying to show off my skills. In order to establish my authority at work, I would talk in forceful tones to show that I'm “superior and inviolable”. Sometimes when I was a bit over the top, I realized it was an attachment. But because I was already taken advantage of by the old forces, I could not stop, as if I could not control myself. Isn't this “deeply dangerous”? I wanted to “triumph over my colleagues and defeat them” and forgot that my fundamental aim is to save sentient beings, not to compete with them.
Thank you Master for your profound compassion! Thank you fellow practitioners for your kind help!
Heshi!
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Category: Improving Oneself
