(Minghui.org) My obtaining the Fa was concurrent with my having an affair with a married man. As a Westerner, immersed in the liberal and relaxed environment of the United States, I began cultivation with many mixed-up and backward notions regarding the relationship between men and women. Due to my poor initial enlightenment in this area, I began by not passing this test.
In Zhuan Falun, Lecture 6, the section on “Demonic Interference in Cultivation,” there is an example of a practitioner who was able to quickly enlighten on this issue and easily pass the test initially:
“This form of interference can come from either demons or from the master, who transforms one object into another to test you. Both forms exist because everyone must pass this test. We begin cultivation practice as everyday people. The first step is this test, and everyone will run into it. Let me give you an example. …This practitioner’s xinxing had improved very quickly. At that point, he became alarmed right away. The first thought that came to his mind was: 'I’m not an ordinary person. I’m a practitioner. You shouldn’t treat me this way, for I’m a Falun Dafa practitioner.' Once this thought emerged, everything suddenly disappeared since they were all transformed anyway. …”
Today, after a long period of time, this man contacted me via email. Over the last several years, I have worked to improve my understanding regarding the relationship between men and women. So, when I received his email this morning, I knew without question the right course of action. I was now able to make clear to him that, by my understanding, it was not appropriate for us to foster any kind of friendship (as he is a married man, I am a single woman, and especially considering our history). Any lingering emotion or sentimentality toward him was gone, there was no desire for any kind of attention, and the prior internal conflict or confusion I had about the incident had diminished.
In preparing this email response to him, I reread the Minghui editorial, "On the Relationship Between Members of the Opposite Sex and the Issue of Marriage" (http://en.minghui.org/html/articles/2004/2/2/44681.html). While looking within, I can see that my understanding on this subject has improved and continues to do so, and it was therefore easy for me to act correctly. At the same time, with stark juxtaposition, I see the issues I am currently struggling with. I am reminded of how truly important Fa study is to improve our understanding in all areas and, as a cultivator, how it is only the Fa and Master that can correctly guide us on our path to return to our true selves.
I am a newer practitioner, and I have practiced now for about three years. Beginning cultivation during this late stage of Fa Rectification, and managing both personal cultivation and participation in Fa Rectification, has been meaningful beyond comprehension and really challenging. During the course of the last year, I have had many difficulties. At one point, I was so stressed that, for a long period of time, I had trouble breathing and was extremely uncomfortable. One problem and stressful situation after another rocked me, with many things in my personal life not going very well. I was unable to steadily eliminate the problems and issues within myself, and followed a mixed course of trying to improve myself based on the Fa and also often managing my stress like an everyday person.
While re-reading the Minghui editorial, this section stood out:
“On this point, Master clearly points out in Zhuan Falun,
'but it doesn't matter how mankind's moral standard changes, the nature of the universe doesn't change, and it is the only standard for determining who's good and who's bad. So to be a cultivator you have to take the nature of the universe as your guide for improving yourself. You can't go by ordinary people's standards. If you want to return to your original, true self, if you want to raise your level by cultivating, you have to live by this standard.'
'Cultivation depends on one's own efforts. If one truly wants to cultivate, he should take the initiative to ask himself to do things according to the teaching of Master and assimilate to Dafa.'”
Today I find myself reflecting on my cultivation state. I have yet to be able to stabilize my daily exercise routine, sometimes skipping practice for weeks at a time. I watch television and movies as a mindless form of escapism, wanting to ease my daily stress, seeking comfort and laziness as an acceptable way to ‘reward’ myself after challenges and daily efforts. Sometimes I skip sending Righteous Thoughts, because I do not want to disengage from everyday activities I am involved with at the moment. I have some seemingly silly food attachments, and seek out treats for myself as a way of managing stress and shifting my mood and feelings. I am not always able to give myself 100% to saving people, because of still having a strong attachment to self. More and more, I am able to see my selfish nature, and I have the desire to change and eliminate it. I feel an ongoing struggle between my everyday-self and attachments that I am trying to eliminate and the part of me that has an understanding of the enormity of this magnificent opportunity that Master has given us as Fa Rectification disciples.
The requirements have been set; I should have no confusion about them. My following through on them, or not, is my own choice and the responsibility of my own cultivation. I am grateful and humbled by Master's boundless compassion and patience. I will continue to improve my understanding and my cultivation state, eliminate selfishness, and help to save sentient beings during this last phase of the Fa Rectification. I also see that I need to eliminate any fear and doubt in my ability to steadily walk the path that Master has created for me. I need to put down my selfish and self-serving daily worries and distractions and, with diligence, do what needs to be done.
This is my understanding from my current level; please point out anything that is not in line with the Fa.
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Category: Journeys of Cultivation
