(Minghui.org) Since I was very young, I have heard people say that I was “stubborn” and “too serious.” I did not understand what people meant by that; so I kept thinking, “Of course I should be persistent if I am right. Should I do the wrong thing? If I am not serious, should I be a muddle-headed person?” Having been poisoned by the evil Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture of, “Knowing whom to love and whom to hate,” I became more self-centered. I even felt proud of being that way.
After I started Falun Dafa cultivation practice, I learned that I should be “Tolerant.” However, my understanding of “Tolerance” was very superficial. I thought that it was merely for me to control what I say and not get into conflicts with others. I therefore behaved in a nice way to others. Since my mind did not change, although I did not say anything, I still blamed others in my mind. Regardless of the situations I encountered, I always thought about others' mistakes and wrongdoing. Thus my mind was not clear and calm.
Recently, several practitioners said that I “tend to get into a dead end.” I was surprised after hearing it. After I calmed myself down, I thought, “Cultivation is different from the things of ordinary people. We should understand the principles of the Fa correctly. I discussed how to correctly understand the Fa with fellow practitioners; why did they say that I was getting into a dead end?” I could not understand it and asked for Master's help, “Master, they said that I tend to get into a dead end. I do not think I have that problem. I should point it out if a fellow practitioner has insufficiency. Why was it pointed out that I get into a dead end? Do I have that problem?”
Then I opened Zhuan Falun . At first glance, the sentence, “Yes, that is for sure.” caught my eye. I closed the book and my mind calmed down. Since Master said that I have the problem. I must have it. However, I still did not understand. I only felt that my cultivation was not easy, that I was tangled with many things, that I could not let them go quickly enough, and I could not get along seamlessly with others.
The next day I was memorizing the following paragraph of the Fa, “We see that in this universe a human life is not created in ordinary human society; the creation of one’s actual life is in the space of the universe. Because there is a lot of matter of various kinds in this universe, such matter can, through its interactions, produce life. In other words, a person’s earliest life comes from the universe. The space of the universe is benevolent to begin with and embodies the characteristic of Zhen-Shan-Ren. At birth, one is assimilated to the characteristic of the universe. Yet as the number of lives increases, a collective form of social relations develops in which some people may develop selfishness and gradually their level will be lowered. If they cannot stay at this level, they must drop down further. At that level, however, they may again become not so good and not be able to stay there, either. They will continue to descend further until, in the end, they reach this level of human beings.” (“Lecture One” in Zhuan Falun)
At that time a question arose in my mind. The Gods and Buddhas at that high level enjoy complete freedom, and they can have whatever they want. They can create a universe with simply a thought. They surely would not pursue profit and wealth. Then what kind of selfishness would they develop? I kept thinking for a while and then came to an understanding. The selfishness the Gods and Buddhas developed at the very beginning was probably some self-attachment. That is, their thinking that a principle they saw clearly must be absolute, and everyone else's understanding must be wrong. With a mentality of self-attachment, or (using other words) selfishness, the life would become impure and became heavier. He would then not be conforming to the Fa at that high level, and he would drop in level. As the level got lower, the life would get heavier and become more obsessed. When he dropped to the level of the human world, the selfishness became more complicated and not as simple as the attachment to self-understanding. The life became attached to almost everything, such as fame, personal gain, sentiments, lust, temper, etc. Along with these attachments, the life also developed jealousy, resentment, a competitive mentality, zealotry, a mentality of pursuit, fear, etc. Human beings are almost buried in such attachments.
As a cultivator, one must eliminate these attachments, discarding them one by one. Then he can return to the paradise he originally came from. During my cultivation I clearly identified my attachments to fame and personal interests, and I have been doing my best to discard them. However, I was not able to identify my self-obsession and was not willing to discard it. Whenever I was dealing with something, I often thought my understanding was right, and I was irritated if someone else had a different opinion. I often wanted to persuade others and get them to change their opinion. At times, after I saw that the others did not want to change, I would "compromise" in the end. Then I felt that I did well and was tolerant, thinking that I had cultivated better than the others. In the last several years, Master has repeatedly stressed the importance of cooperation among practitioners. However, I did not pay enough attention to cooperation; I thought what was important was how to conduct oneself to get things done. I did not realize that cooperating well with practitioners is a cultivation process of letting go of self-attachment, of walking out of selfishness and of walking out of the old universe.
After I came to see my attachment, I looked back at what I said and did, and I felt ashamed. I was always judging others and making demands on others based on my understanding. When others did not want to listen to me, I was worried. Although I did not get into conflicts with others, I did feel uneasy in my mind. Sometimes I developed negative feelings, felt depressed, and felt I was losing direction in my cultivation. Actually, it was time for me to discard my self-attachment, Master said,
"The paths of cultivation are varied
But none is outside the Great Law” (“Unimpeded” in Hong Yin II)
Every cultivator has to travel his own path, and they have to achieve their own enlightenment in the Fa. Dafa is so enormous, and my understanding is only a drop of water in an ocean. How could I judge others based on my own understanding? As fellow practitioners we should share and exchange our understandings. But, the sharing and exchanging are done to communicate our understandings and as a means to look within ourselves. The sharing and exchanging are not done to accuse one another, and are not done to judge and to make demands on others based on one's own understanding. As a Falun Dafa practitioner, one should have the broadest mind to include and tolerate all lives and all beings, and of course that includes fellow practitioners.
In continuing to think about it, I came to a further understanding about rejecting the old forces completely. In the past, I would feel worried if I saw a fellow practitioner's insufficiency. In my mind, the subtext of my thought was, “If you don't cultivate well quickly, the old forces will persecute you!” I was judging fellow practitioners using my own understanding, and I was demanding that fellow practitioners meet my own understanding. What was the difference between my thinking and the way the old forces are attached to their arrangements? If my thinking follows the old universe's principles, then aren't I agreeing with the old force's rule of “persecute whoever is not cultivating well”? To completely reject the old force's arrangements, one must step out of the “selfishness” of the old universe, step out of the principles of the old universe, and achieve the great compassion of a life of the new universe through cultivation.
Master said,
"... no one will interfere with it in terms of which path you take, what you want, or what you try to get. We can only advise people to be good." (“Lecture Three” in Zhuan Falun)
This is a principle of the universe. Do not interfere with other lives, be compassionate towards others, treat and face all with a pure and kind mentality, and regard fellow practitioners with a pure and kind mentality. Fellow practitioners have their own paths to walk. What I can do is remind them with a pure mind to strengthen them with righteous thoughts and to completely reject the interference of the old forces. We do not allow evil factors to interfere with Master's arrangements and do not allow the evil factors to interfere with fellow practitioners' cultivation.
Now, when I think back about fellow practitioners' comments about me, that I tended to "get into a dead end," I completely agree with them. In the past it was true that I tended to stick to my own understanding and could not step out of it, and I was not able to diligently progress in my cultivation. A major reason was that I could not let go of my attachment to ego. I was holding myself back until today when I came to understand my attachment. I sincerely thank Master's compassionate hint!
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Category: Improving Oneself
