(Minghui.org)
Rescued by Dafa
I've changed physically and mentally, and my surroundings have been transformed over the dozen years that I've practiced Falun Dafa. My hepatitis B, neurasthenia, heart disease, gynecological problems and other difficult ailments that tormented me, have been cured. These illnesses had eroded my confidence. My colleagues avoided me because they feared catching a contagious disease. I had a bad temperament and constantly quarreled with my husband. I was practically disabled and couldn't do much of anything.
Dafa gave me wonderful health and calmed my nerves. My home and work environments improved dramatically. I would like to share how I elevated my xinxing or moral nature in a few different circumstances.
1. Cultivating Righteous Thoughts
I had a weak personality, was indecisive, and didn't know my own thoughts and mind. I always followed others and obeyed my bosses without exception. Now I judge what is right and wrong according to the principles of Dafa.
Evil tricks can't dupe me
Since the persecution began, every time there was a strange occurrence or an evil speech, I knew exactly what was going on and was never duped. On one occasion, the leaders in my department said to me, “You're young, you don't know how cruel and merciless the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) is. Look what your older colleagues went through during the Cultural Revolution. They quickly compromise. Granted that the issue was redressed ten years later, but how many decades are there in a person's life?” I said, “I don't want to take the wrong path. You say that Falun Gong isn't good. Give me proof. I read the propaganda you gave me but the principles of Falun Gong are in complete opposition to what the propaganda proclaims. The more I think about it the more I realize how precious Falun Gong is. There is no righteousness left in the world.” He said that I should be more realistic, but his tone became obviously weaker. Afterwards, on politically sensitive days, when he had to pass me notices from the CCP, he would merely mentioned, “I'm just doing routine mere formality. The holiday is approaching. My superior again asks me to inform you...”
Not allowing evil factors to interfere with my husband
There was a practitioner who was laid off after she was unlawfully detained. They wouldn't even let her into the office building, I went to speak with the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) secretary and he wasn't able to outtalk me. He spoke with my husband after I left. My husband is quick tempered and I usually give in to him. He came home screaming and yelling at me. When I realized what this was about I pointed my finger at him and unequivocally said, “Don't satisfy any of the demands of the party secretary. What are you afraid of? If there is an issue tell him to talk with me directly!” He immediately backed down and softened his voice. If I had been weak or passive, the evil would have continued to control him. The party secretary talked with him again. He was evasive and didn't dare to speak frankly with me when he returned. I've known practitioners who were continuously interfered with by their families for long periods of time. They relied on, obeyed, or feared family members from the very beginning. Their families were then controlled by the evil factors and became very aggressive. It thus became more difficult for practitioners to break through this.
Brother breaks through persecution and finds a great job
My younger brother, who was attending his last year of university, was put under surveillance after informing others about the persecution of Falun Gong. At first I was anxious and scared. I sent righteous thoughts at home for a long period of time. I no longer dared go out and clarify the truth about Falun Gong. After a short period of time, I thought, “If I don't clarify the truth, then the evil will fill its heart's desire. It also won't help end the persecution my brother is subject to. I should do what I'm supposed to do and not let myself be affected by this matter.” He had done really well in his studies. Practitioners were of one mind to help him. He broke through this persecution and was released. The university chose not to embarrass him.
The university and his department's field of study weren't helpful when he was looking for a job. He felt that he wasn't marketable because he had been persecuted for a few months. He thought, perhaps finding work as a guard would be good. I suggested he seek employment at a particular institution. He laughed and thought I had gone nuts. I immediately came up with righteous thoughts and said, “Don't think that you did anything wrong. You did what Master wanted you to do. It was the most righteous thing to do. You should find the best job!” His melancholy expression changed, his eyes lit up and he became animated. He handed in his resume and dissertation, and they interviewed him.The work unit wanted him. They thought his character was good, but his specialty didn't quite fit the job description. They said he could gradually learn on the job. Many graduates from famous universities asked acquaintances or friends to help them find employment there, and sent presents as bribes, but they only wanted my brother. It was quite strange.
2. Getting Rid of Fear
In the early stage of my clarifying the truth, I mailed truth clarification letters at the post office. I looked around when I was still far away from the mailbox. I felt like a thief. When I prepared to distribute informational materials in the evening, I would become laden with anxiety and felt a heavy burden even during daytime. My heart went pit-a-pat and palpitated when I actually started distributing materials. It felt like I could lose my life at any moment. When I made truth clarification calls in the beginning, I always thought that my cell phone was too large. I wished that it was smaller and could be held in the palm of my hand. I always felt people were staring at me and trying to find my position. I was so frightened that my legs were weak but I kept walking. My hands shook when I dialed and I often missed a number. If I couldn't get through I dialed another one. I was very anxious.
Now, I'm very calm when I clarify the truth. Sometimes I think that it is strange, “Why am I not nervous?”
3. Getting Rid of Attachments to Leisure and Luxury
My work unit was productive and I made a good income. My female colleagues had many luxurious habits, including cosmetics, massage, fitness, top designer fashions and five-star restaurants. They encouraged me join them but I had no interest.
Once, on a business trip, my boss invited us to a big amusement park. My co-workers were delighted and encouraged me to join in the fun. I didn't think it was a good idea to appear to be too different. I grabbed the flying rings, stepped on the platform and swung across the river. I immediately felt very uncomfortable and got off. I felt that maintaining a natural state as opposed to playing was more comfortable.
4. Getting Rid of Sexual Desire
I've always been sentimental, romanticized about relationships, and indulged in fantasies of finding the ideal and most perfect love. I didn't think about anything else when I received attention from a boyfriend. When I was of the age to get married, it was difficult because I had a difficult-to-heal disease. I was very worried about this. During those years my head was filled with these thoughts and I was barely able to find a husband. This attachment was still strong even after the birth of my son.
After I started practicing Falun Dafa I had many tests during my dreams. I dreamed that I hadn't found a husband yet. I dreamed about some of my male acquaintances, men I had known and liked before and other males. I dreamed that they asked me to be their girlfriend and I agreed. I always felt anxiety in the dream.
I had a difficult test with a male colleague at work who worked on the same project with me. I was in good physical shape and my job was going well. He was really handsome and about six years younger than me. He was interested in me. I thought that when I was looking for a marriage partner, somebody like him would never pay any attention to me. Now I was over 30, but he still was attracted to me. I was delighted and indulged in fantasy.
I knew I was a practitioner and this was very dangerous, but we were as if being controlled by demons. I thought about him night and day, and every word and deed was related to him. I couldn't shake it off. I appeared very calm but felt tortured inside. He used all kinds of excuses to be with me. I kept studying and memorizing the Fa. I kept eliminating these thoughts and thought karma. I kept trying to avoid having any contact with him and didn't even say hello. I wouldn't allow the demon of qing have any gaps to bore into. So this attachment to qing gradually weakened. Now when we talk this feeling is gone.
Once, I saw a handsome man walking below while I was standing on a platform. I had the same kind of feeling. As soon as I had this thought, I immediately seized the demon that was interfering with me and eliminated it. Before he was even out of my sight the feeling was gone.
I thought no matter how handsome or beautiful a man is, once he dies, he is just a pile of garbage. The human world is impermanent. I felt that I had risen above the qing between men and women. I no longer had this feeling again.
In the human world, sexual desire is considered a great pleasure and I had developed many thoughts around it. After practicing Falun Dafa, I attached less importance to sexual desire between a husband and wife.I eliminated these feelings from my heart. Master helped me. My husband stopped approaching me regarding this, yet our relationship was more harmonious than before.
5. Getting Rid of Bad Habits
I used to like to watch the coquettish and coy behavior of young women and didn't realize that I was like this as well. One day it was raining when I left work and I had to run back inside to grab an umbrella. I thought out loud as I ran, bobbed my head in a self-satisfied manner and smiled in a flirtatious way. A young man who sat beside my place looked up and my eyes happened to meet his eyes. His expression immediately changed. He was angry and clearly thought that I was trying to seduce him. I tried to explain myself but it only got worse. I was embarrassed and it was really awkward after that. I knew that this was inappropriate behavior on the part of a practitioner. I sincerely mended my ways and paid attention to the smallest behaviors on my part. I did my best to maintain a humble and dignified state. I also stopped wearing some of my more flashy clothing.
I enlightened that no matter what attachment it is, Master will arrange circumstances to reveal it to me, so I can let go of it when it is time to let it go. As long as I believe in Master and the Fa, am determined and unremittingly cultivate, even without me being aware of it, obstinate attachments will loosen their grip.
It is definitely like Master said,
“The cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master.” (Zhuan Falun)
Master gives me hints and enlightens me but I'm often not determined enough. I interfere with myself. Other times, I merely looked at my attachments feeling helpless and was stuck in the tribulations created by those attachments. I still have attachments, including fame and fortune, comfort, showing off and fighting. They have yet to be removed for the same reason. I will strive to be more diligent as I continue on my cultivation path.
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