(Minghui.org) This matter stirred me deeply, and it may serve as a lesson for others.
One night when another practitioner and I were distributing truth-clarification materials in the countryside, someone reported us and the other practitioner was illegally arrested. I managed to get away, but got lost in the mountainous area. It wasn't until dawn the next day that I got a lift and went back to town. I kept sending righteous thoughts. Later I heard that when police questioned the fellow practitioner about me, she said she didn't know who I was, and that was it.
Two months later, the police suddenly turned up at my relative's house and asked if they knew where I lived. They said no. The police also went to the home of another relative to ask where I was.
I had a feeling that trouble was coming, and I felt physically unwell. Sometimes I also felt afraid, and thought that the police would break into my house at any moment. I looked within for my loopholes: “Why are the police looking for me now, two months after the incident? What loopholes do I have?”
I found them: Even though I escaped the danger and didn't leave home, I wasn't steadfast in my heart. In the beginning, I felt as if I were facing a formidable enemy. I kept sending righteous thoughts day and night and slept with my clothes on. I slept very little, and sometimes I sent righteous thoughts for over an hour! Two months passed and nothing happened. I began to relax and felt very lucky. Wasn't this acknowledging the old forces? Besides, my righteous thoughts were not purely to eliminate the evil, as there was also a selfish desire to protect myself from being arrested. How could the old forces let me go when my thoughts were so impure?
I told fellow practitioners what happened and asked if I should stay away from home. Some said, “If you are afraid, you should leave home so that you can collect yourself in a different environment. If you have no fear, then you should stay home and study the Fa and send righteous thoughts. When Dafa disciples reach the Fa's standards, no one dares to touch you.”
Others said, “If you don't leave now, the police may come at any time. You shouldn't wait around to be persecuted.” Later I realized that how I dealt with the situation depended on how strong my righteous thoughts were. If my righteous thoughts were strong, one single thought would be enough to do away with all of the old forces' arrangements! But I didn't realize this at the time; instead I felt rather uneasy inside.
At that time I felt there were more and more evil factors in other dimensions, and I couldn't hold on much longer. In the end I chose to leave home. Some fellow practitioners said, “Don't leave our local area. You mustn't lose this environment.” (In fact, by leaving I had already fallen into the old forces' trap. This is what I enlightened to later.)
After I left home, I was very miserable. My son and I are very close. He was very young when I was taken to a forced labor camp for two years. Now I was leaving him again. He said, “Mom, you can go. I'm fine by myself. I have Master with me.”
I let go of many attachments while I was living a homeless life, including affection for family. I spent a lot of time studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts. I thought: I was forced to leave home so that I could save more people. I must clarify the truth to people, so I went out to distribute truth-clarification materials every day.
However, during that period of time, I still felt empty inside. I felt lonely and helpless. The feeling of loneliness was very heavy on my heart, and sometimes I was also afraid.
The old forces are doing their utmost to test us. If you pass the test, they'll acknowledge you; otherwise they'll try to eliminate you. One day I thought: “Have I taken the right path by leaving home? Did I follow Master's arrangement? If not, what shall I do?” I began to think more clearly: “Master wouldn't let a Dafa disciple become homeless. Master has never taught us that Fa principle.” As soon as I decided to go home, I suddenly felt relaxed. I asked Master to drop me a hint if I had made the right decision. However, the hint I got in my dream was: “Wait a bit longer.”
Some days later, I asked Master again for a hint. It was: “Wait a bit longer.” What should I wait for? I looked inward and understood: My righteous thoughts were still not strong and my thinking had not yet elevated. I reminded myself: “I'm not homeless. It was only a temporary move to avoid persecution. I'll go home straight away once I've cleared out the evil elements.” As soon as I thought this way with righteous thoughts, I felt myself becoming taller and bigger. I was no longer afraid. Local practitioners also supported me with righteous thoughts all this time.
More days passed. When I asked Master to drop me a hint the third time, I picked up Zhuan Falun and read:
Master said, “Some people say: 'While a Tao is one foot tall, a demon would be one yard high.' That is a false statement made by everyday people. A demon will never be higher than a Tao.” (Lecture Five in Zhuan Falun)
I was very excited and thanked Master for the guidance.
I went home without any hesitation. I thought: The moment I walk into my house, all the old forces' arrangements will be completely negated. I felt greatly relieved and steadfast in my heart. I knew this was the path I should take.
Everything was fine after I returned home.
Later, I came to this understanding: In the beginning, the old forces used false appearances to lure me into leaving home, in order to create even bigger tribulations for me. The police knew where I lived, so why did they bother to ask my relatives? In fact, they were trying to create an atmosphere of terror to threaten me and force me to leave home. If I had seen through their plot in the beginning and denied it with strong righteous thoughts, I would have kept walking on the path arranged by Master instead of taking a detour.
We are now in the last stage of Fa-rectification, and some practitioners are still living a homeless life. I don't mean to suggest that those practitioners should necessarily do what I did. I'm sharing what happened to me so that others can learn from it. I know that it's not easy to break with the state of being homeless. Don't do anything blindly, but maintain strong righteous thoughts and righteous understandings. When our realm of mind has reached the Fa's standards, Master will arrange the best for us.
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Category: Improving Oneself
