(Minghui.org) My attachment of jealousy had been growing constantly since I slacked off in my cultivation, and I was quite worried about it. When another practitioner was praised in front of me, I thought: I am better than she is, why can't you see it? I would always emphasize myself when I was talking.
I also realized that I wasn't happy when other people had something good. Master said in Zhuan Falun, Lecture Seven: “... if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people’s minds will feel uneasy. It can lead to this problem.” I knew it was my jealousy, because I couldn't stand it when other people were better than me. So I decided to remove this attachment.
It was an excruciating process of letting go of this attachment. One day, I saw a practitioner go to my neighbor's home, who is also a practitioner. My jealousy immediately emerged and I thought: How can you go to her home and not come to mine? Why don't you say hello to me when passing by my home? I have always treated you nice. I couldn't get over it. I tried to get rid of it, but I couldn't, as the attachment was too strong.
I then asked Master to help me and said in my heart: “Master, please help me as your disciple has bad thoughts that I cannot overcome.” Slowly my thoughts got better, but after a while, this attachment returned again. I then thought that it wasn't right, and that I must let it go. But my mind couldn't calm down, I knew that this black material latched onto me tightly and stopped me from eliminating it.
Master said:
“The issue of jealousy is very serious as it directly involves the matter of whether you can complete cultivation practice. If jealousy is not abolished, everything that you have cultivated will become fragile. There is this rule: If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit—absolutely not.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture Seven)
That afternoon, my jealousy came up again and again, so I had to eliminate it over and over. I strove to overcome it in my mind. My knowing side was quite determined that I didn't want this false self. I didn't even want to listen to it. Even though I worked very hard on this, it seemed like I was not successful. I had to ask Master for help again: “Master, your disciple is asking for your help again. The evil wanted to destroy your disciple, but I want to follow you and return to my true home.”
The whole afternoon, I was constantly jealous, and had to eliminate it constantly. I nearly failed a few times and didn't want to carry on. Just then I remembered Master's Fa: “What’s given up is not oneself” from (Hong Yin II , Discarding Attachments). The reason I felt pain was because this black karma was taken off of me.
One evening after this experience, I went to a tourist site to clarify the truth. A practitioner was praised by another practitioner in front of me, but I didn't feel unhappy this time. Instead, I also praised this practitioner. I eliminated the attachment of jealousy. What a nice feeling it was and I haven't had it since then! I sensed it was so relaxing without being attached to jealousy and my mind was peaceful as well.
When I meditated that evening, my mind became tranquil, and my cultivation state had changed to become calm when reading, sending forth righteous thoughts and doing the exercises. Master said:
“Once you upgrade your xinxing, your body will undergo a great change. Upon xinxing improvement, the matter in your body is guaranteed to transform. What kind of changes will take place? You will give up those bad things that you are attached to.” (Zhuan Falun)
When I recited Master's Fa with tears in my eyes.
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Category: Improving Oneself
