(Minghui.org) From reading articles from fellow practitioners on the Minghui website, I understood that some practitioners come from origins of very high levels, and Master has made arrangements for these practitioners throughout history. I thus had the feeling of loss and lamented the fact that I did not have such blessings.
My cultivation state is that I can seldom feel anything or even feel Master's hinting. Every time I faced a painful and difficult test, I had to enlighten on my own and each time I barely passed the tests. As I pleaded to Master for answers or help, I didn't seem to receive any hint or indication from him. Whenever it happened, I would think I was unworthy of Master's help and felt as if I had lost something.
It has become worse in the past three years, as the tribulations and tests in my family environment accumulated to an impossible state. Since I could not find my attachments and pleaded to Master with no success, I developed a sense of having a grudge. I have now enlightened that it was a manifestation of my deeply hidden attachment to jealousy.
A cultivator is taken care of by his or her Master. Master said, “If you are a piece of steel, I definitely won’t have you be a piece of iron.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Conference in New Zealand” 1999)
When it comes to a being's inborn quality, enlightenment quality, and potential achievement, Master sees it most clearly and precisely. Impractical comparing of oneself to other cultivators and desiring others' attainment is actually due to the attachment of greed, which is derived from the attachment of jealousy.
Life exists at various levels, and beings at lower levels cannot exceed its own boundary to understand beings at higher levels. Divine beings do not have human notions. Buddhas, Taos, and Gods at various levels all consider their own realm the best, which is a state of mind brought about by their individual levels. From a certain perspective, the attachment of jealousy is also a form of greed and a form of insatiable desire, i.e. wanting what does not belong to oneself.
Also, as one admires others at higher levels or who are better than oneself, doesn't it mean that one looks down upon others at a lower level?
In the past, I did not know why I just could not see any strength or merit in my daughter. I despised her in my heart. I thought she could not do anything well or to my satisfaction. I deemed myself to be better than anyone else and treated others with arrogance and utter disrespect. Writing this article to this point, I feel ashamed of my past.
Recognizing My Attachments to Jealously and Competitiveness
I kept asking myself, “After so many years of cultivation, why do I not have a peaceful and compassionate heart? Every day I am in a hurry for something. I always have something on my mind that keeps me from being calm. I always look down on others. I am disgusted by all the social upheaval and chaos under the Chinese Communist Party's rule, and always have complaints that certain things should be done in a certain way.
My eyes are constantly on others' mistakes. Even for things that others deem perfectly decent and acceptable, I would find fault. My looking down upon others derives from my attachment of jealousy and competitiveness and is further complicated by emotions, such as having a grudge, hatred, fighting, showing off, arrogance and narcissism. With so many human notions and sentiments, and so much dark matter surrounding me, how can I have a compassionate and positive field? Master cherishes and values all beings in the cosmos. As a cultivator, how can I look down on others?”
Jealousy is a form of manifestation that life has deviated from the Fa. Jealousy can make one irrational even insane, and destroy anything in one's way including oneself in an instant. Take the old forces as an example. They are jealous of Dafa disciples. They think it is too easy for Dafa disciples to become practitioners while they themselves do not have the opportunity. Therefore, the old forces use destructive methods to test Dafa disciples, which in turn destroys themselves. Satan was an angel but he did not obey God. He thought he was quite capable and intended to rebel. He eventually descended to become satan. Another example is the jealous Shen Gongbao from the Investiture of the Gods. How dangerous jealousy is!
As I realized my attachment of jealousy little by little, I felt a sense of peace and calm. Without any grudges, hatred, jealousy or feeling inferior, even without content and excitement, I feel that the matter that used to affect me cannot touch me any more. I can tell what is my true self and what are human notions. Sometimes the matter can touch my surface level and arouse my human emotions, but this is a fleeting moment after which I can quickly calm down and return to normal. I know, with Master's guidance, I have found the root of my attachments and have uprooted it.
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Category: Improving Oneself
