(Minghui.org) Once in a dream, I said derisively to the person testing me, “You are merely a lust demon.” He turned into an absurd looking being and stumbled away.
I used to think I had long passed the lust test. However, several years later, whenever I felt someone of the opposite sex was good looking, thought karma would attack me so vehemently that it was hard to repress. I kept failing the test, even knowing it was clearly wrong. I then tried to eliminate the bad thoughts by studying the Fa, but kept getting sleepy.
At one point, I repeatedly experienced lust tests in my dreams and kept failing them. In one particular dream, a heap of dark grey aquatic animals that looked like squid were dumped next to me. I then decided that, in addition to strengthening my Fa study, I would read the section “Demonic Interference in Cultivation” from Zhuan Falun (Lecture Six) before I went to bed.
Later, I dreamed that a red crab with long, sticky threads surrounded my body. I realized that the word crab had a similar pronunciation in Chinese to the character for lust. I figured Master might have thought I was too clumsy at passing my test, so he gave me a hint in a dream where someone next to me suddenly started to talk to me about his uncle's belief. I realized that the hint was to remind me that I was a cultivator with a belief. But at the time, I just said to that person that his uncle was pretty good.
Through constant Fa study, I came to realize that lust has its roots in qing and that I still yearned for a happy life in ordinary society. Afterward, I dreamed of several young men and women with elegant behavior, wearing ancient dress and reciting poems. One of them turned into someone who expressed extra care and affection for me.
I had studied Hong Yin before I went to sleep and knew I wanted to say that I was a cultivator. But before I could speak, the being in my lust test retreated to a restroom and disappeared. I knew that, as long as a cultivator had a righteous mind, the evil beings could not escape quickly enough.
In addition to qing, other attachments that could trigger lust in me included comfort, fame and vanity, and showing off.
I identified that doing the following would make it difficult for me to make overall progress: 1) seldom reading Minghui articles or not reading them carefully; 2) seldom cleaning the house; 3) being attached to material gain, such as shopping for frivolous things; 4) watching ordinary people's TV programs often; 5) not being thrifty; and 6) feeling too good about myself.
When I did those things, Master would often give me hints. For example, as I was cooking, I would notice the pot leaking. Or my backpack had a ripped inside layer and things were falling through. I knew this meant I had loopholes in my cultivation that mirrored a leaking pot or ripped backpack. But I did not search inside myself enough and lacked strong enough determination to be able to rectify my problems.
I once had a vision that the “old forces” showed themselves in the form of a dragon's sharp, long white fangs, which gave me the feeling that they wanted to seize my loopholes and use them as an excuse to destroy me.
I sent forth righteous thoughts and envisioned looking for a stick to knock out the long teeth and burn them. At the time, even when I pleaded to Master for help, I had fear in my mind. Master was benevolent and helped me out of the danger. I then sent righteous thoughts to eliminate my attachment to fear and recited Master's verse: “Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions” from Hong Yin Vol. II :
“A Great Enlightened One fears no hardship Having forged an adamantine will Free of attachment to living or dying He walks the path of Fa-rectification confident and poised”
As I recall these situations, I realize Master resolved the dangers and tribulations for me. I also remember a time of tribulation when I was walking up the stairs, unaware of the upcoming danger, and a kind voice spoke out:
“When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture Nine)
I had a habit of looking at Master's photo to judge if I was doing well in my cultivation. When I saw Master smiling, I would feel that I was doing okay and tended to slack off; if I saw that Master's eyes were serious, I would feel the pressure and start to look for my own attachments.
It is possible that Master would smile if I helped others, and I would feel warm inside. However, I also know that it is an attachment for me to make judgments about my cultivation status based on Master's expression.
Before I started cultivation, I used to suffer insomnia due to unbearable itching in my waist. It seemed to be cured after I sought medical treatment. After I started practicing Dafa, it came back. I knew Master was helping me eliminate the karma and let it be. Soon afterward, the itching disappeared and my skin became very smooth.
After my family endured some tribulations, some of them have now started practicing Falun Gong, too. Some of my friends who used to help me have been promoted, obtained better job positions, and enjoy a harmonious family life.
As for those who persecuted me, I still struggle with being compassionate toward them. Some practitioners, however, treat them as if nothing happened.
I have realized the solemnness and seriousness of cultivation and have no way to repay Master for his boundless care and giving. In addition to my gratitude to Master, I sometimes regret that I have not done well enough in my cultivation. I know I must not slack off and need to study the Fa more to get rid of my shortcomings and truly walk a divine path.
Fellow practitioners, please point out anything inappropriate.
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Category: Improving Oneself
