(Minghui.org) A few months ago, some local practitioners were arrested. Someone told the police that my apartment was a local Fa study site, so, they arrested me too.
I was later released, but could no longer hold Fa study in my apartment. The practitioners who used to clarify the truth with me now refused to go out with me. Their families were worried that I was being watched by the police. Other practitioners did not dare to contact me. Some of them even avoided me, as if I was a dangerous person. I was upset. How could they fear me? Is this the way Dafa disciples should behave?
A month later, after a practitioner noticed a surveillance camera in my apartment building, the situation became worse. No practitioner would come to my apartment, including those who used to come quite often.
Since I cannot read or write, I relied on other practitioners to read the new articles published on Minghui.org to me and to write down the names of the people whom I convinced to quit the communist party. Now, they either did not come, or came late.
When a practitioner from out of town visited me, I cried. I was full of complaints about local practitioners.
One night, I stood in front of Master's portrait and complained: “This situation is too painful Master.” As soon as I said it, I realized that I was wrong. How could I complain to Master? Master has sacrificed so much to save people. More pain than we can know! By comparison what I experienced is really nothing.
I started looking inward. I had complained about fellow practitioners for a long time, as if I cultivated better than them. I realized that I had a show off mentality. Every practitioner is cultivating, but I always felt that I did better than others. Yet in fact there are many things I cannot do, such as high tech work.
My mentality of showing off led to my complaints. I talked to practitioners in a harsh tone with no compassion or tolerance. Wasn't this Party culture? Wasn't this what I was supposed to be cultivating out of?
When I realized this, the pain and resentment left me. That night, I had a dream. All the stars clustered together and formed a magnificent scene. I knew that Master was encouraging me, because he saw that I found my attachments. Master gave me a hint: I should put down my self and join with fellow practitioners to save people.
After I found my attachments, fellow practitioners changed too. They stopped avoiding me, and we started to go out together to clarify the truth again.
One day when a practitioner told me where surveillance cameras had been installed, I said: “Surveillance cameras are everywhere nowadays. They are watching non-practitioners, not just us practitioners. Master is protecting us and the evil cannot interfere with us.”
The practitioner was unhappy. I then realized that I hadn't completely gotten rid of my show off mentality, and that I had spoken in a condescending tone. After I realized this, the other practitioner apologized, and said she saw she was wrong. At that moment, I had a better understanding of “And human notions change, The degenerate things purged, Brightness now shines forth.” (“Born Anew”, Hong Yin)
We walked into a store and clarified the truth to the owner and a staff member. They both quit the party, and we were happy. When practitioners sincerely cooperate we are powerful.
I realized that every practitioner studies the Fa and cultivates. We all know how to cultivate. I had been full of negative feelings and thought that practitioners had abandoned me. I didn't look inward for the reason why they didn't want to work with me. I liked to show off, so practitioners avoided me. I needed to examine myself and see my own problems.
As I understand it, all the barriers among practitioners are caused by our human notions.
After I improved my xinxing, I stopped judging people, and stopped being selective about who I talk to about the persecution. Every time before I go out to clarify the truth, I ask Master for help. Now I talk to people I previously avoided, and I'm able to convince them to quit the party. I also enlightened that calmly reading the Fa is the basis of our cultivation and looking inward is very powerful.
I thank fellow practitioners for all their help!
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Category: Improving Oneself
