(Minghui.org) I used to be attached to reputation and competitiveness. I cared about what others thought of me, even people whom I did not know very well. I always wanted to be better than them, to be respected and the center of attention.
When others did not accept my ideas, I would be upset and argue with them in my mind. But on the surface, I remained calm, so people would say that I was kind.
My husband, also a practitioner, was surprised to learn that I still held onto these attachments, including to contending with and not trusting others, even after I had practiced Falun Dafa for over a decade.
Eliminating Fundamental Attachments
When I was detained and persecuted in a detention center in 2010, red, itchy bumps appeared on my right foot. The bumps would get bigger and spread after I scratched them.
After I was released from the detention center, I slacked off in my cultivation, and my skin disease never healed.
At home, I helped with making Dafa informational materials. I also had to work full-time, take care of our child and do the household chores. I was unhappy that I had to work and take care of my home, because this interfered with the Dafa projects I was working on.
I could not focus when studying the Fa and my cultivation state was unstable. I lost my temper easily and had conflicts with family members. I would get anxious whenever I tried to look within to find my shortcomings. I experienced lots of interference at work and by the local police.
Whenever I lost my temper or had arguments with family members, the red bumps would become very itchy and spread after I scratched them. My skin showed signs of infection in 2013.
I knew that I had a xinxing problem and needed to improve. I looked within and found that I had many attachments, such as jealousy, anger, seeking fame and personal interest. Although I let go of some of the attachments, the skin condition worsened.
Itchy bumps also appeared on my left foot and my elbows in 2016. This was worrisome and I finally decided to ask fellow practitioners for help. I had not told anyone about this issue in the past, because I did not want to lose face.
I realized it must be interference, and that I should expose it because the evil was afraid of being exposed.
I told one practitioner about my confusion and anxiety about the itchy spots. She said it was not a big deal and told me about a fellow practitioner who had ringworm on her neck. This practitioner cultivated diligently by paying close attention to her every thought and action. As she improved her xinxing, the ringworm became smaller and smaller.
However, it did not disappear. After a certain incident, where she did not forbear very well, the practitioner could finally let go, and her situation improved.
Master was hinting to me through this practitioner that I needed to fundamentally change. I realized that I had to let go of the attachments to fighting with others, competitiveness and jealousy. I should also be truly considerate of other people.
After talking to the practitioner and realizing my shortcomings, I knew how to cultivate myself. I was able to get up early the next morning, something I was never able to do before. I also tried my best to cultivate my every thought and action.
As I cultivated diligently, my skin condition gradually improved. The red bumps stopped spreading and festering, and they started getting smaller. It has been two months and I have almost completely recovered.
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Category: Improving Oneself
