(Minghui.org) Practitioner Mei (alias) had a car accident and was hospitalized. When I went to visit her, I noticed that her temper was not good. I asked her family whether that was her normal state. Her daughter-in-law told me that no one dared to point out Mei's issues and that she frequently criticized others. Another relative agreed that Mei's temper was not good.
One practitioner said, “Pretty much I'm the only one who can talk to her. She won't listen to anyone else, and I have to gauge her mood that day before discussing anything with her.”
I knew this could be the root cause of the car accident, as this shortcoming could be taken advantage of by the old forces.
When I got home, I thought that the next time I visited Mei I would point out her shortcomings and ask her why her cultivation was so poor—she was a veteran practitioner, after all. I had to awaken her because the accident almost cost her life.
Later on, Mei's husband also told me that Mei's temper was not good. I asked him why he hadn't pointed it out to her. He said, “When she is in a good mood, I often try to talk to her about it. She wants to change but just can't stay calm when she encounters certain things.”
What he said touched me, and I saw my own issue. When I point out others' problems, I don't consider whether they will be able to accept what I have to say. I just open my mouth and say whatever I want to say. I often say things that make them unable to answer back, like pushing them into a corner.
I once said to another practitioner, a good friend of mine, “You have a dog and spend a lot of time taking care of it. You would be better off studying the Fa instead. Is that something a cultivator should do? Can you consummate like this?”
I said this to him many times until one day he became annoyed. He said, “Why is it that all you talk about are my shortcomings? Where else will I go if I don't consummate? Okay, you are at a higher level than me. I'm not as good as you.” Then he blacklisted my number on his phone so I couldn't talk to him anymore.
I finally realized that I was too attached to myself and that this was one of the biggest obstacles in my cultivation. When I shared with others, I didn't consider the effect my words might have. Instead, I just threw words out, in the style of the communist party culture. Many times it wasn't helpful to the other person and only annoyed them. No wonder someone once told me that he could accept my reasoning, but he couldn’t accept my attitude.
Behind one’s attitude is really one's realm. Only when we are compassionate and calm and can communicate with others from their standpoint will the outcome be good. On the other hand, if we are impatient and want to force others with a strong attachment to ourselves, then the outcome will not be satisfactory.
I also thought about another thing: I heard that an elderly practitioner was attached to money and had a bad relationship with her daughter-in-law. When I talked to her one time, I said a lot of things and really criticized her. She just smiled a little and didn't say anything.
Later, during an experience sharing conference, she talked about two things that touched me. One was that she had a storage unit that she could rent for more than 40,000 yuan, but she let a relative, who was struggling to make a living, use it for free. As a result, the relative's view toward Dafa completely changed. The second was that when her neighbor's car had trouble making it through their narrow gateway, she shortened her outer wall 18 inches so that there was more room for her neighbor's car to fit through easily. The land was worth a lot of money where she lived, yet she was able to give it up calmly to help her neighbor.
I thought, “I wouldn't be able to do something like that. Why had I criticized her so harshly?” Thinking that we are higher than others is a big attachment.
Master told us:
“The attitude each cultivator has toward others is a reflection of his own cultivation, and you should all be clear on these things.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference” from Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. VIII)
Often, when we see the shortcomings of fellow practitioners, we have negative thoughts: “Why is he cultivating so poorly? Why is he like that? I must point it out to him.” In fact, these are precisely the moments that we need to cultivate ourselves. If we really think about it, we will find that we have similar problems ourselves; otherwise, we would not encounter those situations. But often we miss this opportunity to improve if we are intent on thinking that we are better than others.
We should not be quick to point out others' issues but should instead look at ourselves first. Our forbearance and compassion are things that need to be improved little by little in our cultivation.
The above is just my limited understanding. If anything is inappropriate, please kindly point it out.
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Category: Improving Oneself
