(Minghui.org) When I was eight years old, I read Falun Dafa books and practiced the exercises with my mother. At the time, I did not understand the purpose of cultivation or what was required of a practitioner. As I grew older, I began to pursue worldly pleasures and became preoccupied with acquiring material things. Eventually, I ignored everything I had learned from Dafa and became a homosexual.
Diagnosed with AIDS
I went for a check-up and was diagnosed with AIDS. My mother and other Falun Dafa practitioners encouraged me to give up my attachments and return to practicing Dafa. I was sorry for the things I had done and worried whether or not Master Li Hongzhi, the founder of Dafa, would still accept me as a practitioner. I felt ashamed to face Master and other practitioners.
My mother and a fellow practitioner spoke to me from their understanding of the Fa. The other practitioner said, “As long as the Fa-rectification is not over, people are choosing their positions. Believe in Master and Dafa. Listen to Master and follow his teachings. You need to give up attachments to emotion, fame, wealth, and pleasure. Put your life in Master’s hands and let him take control.”
My mother said, “The Fa-rectification is coming to an end. Merciful Master does not want to leave even one single disciple behind. He doesn't want you to accumulate more karma. You’d better wake up.”
I wrote a statement denouncing all the bad deeds I had done and resolved that I would renew my practice of Dafa and become a dignified Dafa practitioner. I asked fellow practitioners to send it to the Minghui website. Just like that, I renewed my Dafa cultivation. Actually, it was the first time I had truly regarded myself as a Dafa practitioner.
At first, I couldn’t stay calm and was fearful thinking about the results of my exam. So I hand-copied poems from Master Li’s Hong Yin book and started to memorize them. I did this at mealtime and during my work breaks.
I got up at 3:50 a.m. to practice the five exercises and carried Zhuan Falun, the main book of Dafa, with me all the time. I read it whenever I had time, making sure I understood each paragraph. I just wanted to keep reading, memorizing, and reciting.
I often couldn't hold back my tears, so great was my appreciation for being saved by Master. One morning, when it was time to do the exercises, the attachments of laziness and sleepiness stood in my way. At that time, I remembered what Master said,
“If your will is not firm,The hurdles are like mountains.How will you transcend this mortal life?”(Hong Yin Volume II)
I got up and hurried to the practice site.
Overcoming Sickness Tribulation
Two weeks later, my knees and feet suddenly swelled up, and pain drained my body of energy. But I kept a strong will and believed in Master and the Fa.
“If this is persecution from the old forces,” I said to myself, “I thoroughly deny its arrangement and will eliminate it with righteous thoughts. If this is the karma I have to pay back, I shall pass the test with firm righteous thoughts. Because I am a Dafa practitioner, I will not be harmed and only what Master says counts.”
I ran a high fever, and my eyes felt as if they were burning. I kept sending righteous thoughts or memorized Master's poems from Hong Yin. I had no fear at all and passed this sickness karma test in a week.
My father, a non-practitioner, said, “If an average person had a fever that high for a week, he would have ended up with brain damage or other complication. It is your master taking care of you, so you’d better cultivate diligently by listening to his words, then nothing bad will happen to you.”
After I got up one morning, I had the symptoms of passing a kidney stone. The pain tortured me for about four days. I could not eat, drink, or have a bowel movement. My abdomen was swollen and full of gas. I looked within and found that I still had attachments to lust and sentimentality.
I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate the demon of emotion and rotten ghosts in other dimensions. I told Master that I didn’t want those dirty things and asked him to help strengthen me and dissolve these evil elements.
The swelling in my abdomen immediately went down, and I could relieve myself. The kidney stone seemed to have passed, and 20 minutes later, I was back to normal.
I quit my job and stayed at home for the next six months, and during that time I passed major sickness tribulations. Every day I studied the Fa and did the exercises with my mother. I attended group Fa-study each week and listened to fellow practitioners’ experiences.
Then I started to look for another job but failed several job interviews. Fellow practitioners suggested that Master wanted me to cultivate to make up for what I had missed out on before. After hearing that, I truly concentrated on Fa study and practicing the exercises. I followed the course of nature and accepted Master’s arrangement.
I had a dream just after I passed through another sickness tribulation. In my dream, I fell into a bottomless pit. There was nothing else in that huge dimension, only me. It seemed impossible for me to get out of there. I felt anxious and afraid and begged Master to save me. All of a sudden, a staircase appeared, and I could leave.
Letting Go of Homosexual Desires
When I returned to practicing Dafa, it was to save my life. I felt that I had to become a good person for Master, for my parents, and for my fellow practitioners. Then I started to feel that cultivation was too hard and that there were too many things that I needed to let go of. I tried to use willpower to resist all kinds of worldly temptations, instead of taking them lightly.
With further Fa study and after gaining greater understandings of the Fa principles, I realized that I had to cultivate for myself and to fulfill my prehistoric vow. If one cultivates for the sake of others, to avoid disaster or because of some noble intentions, that is sentimentality and it will not work.
Another practitioner said, “If someone is diligent after hearing another’s cultivation experience, instead of truly learning from the Fa principles, that is an omission.”
From then on I started to genuinely cultivate and looked at things from the perspective of Dafa. My biggest attachment was homosexuality. My first attempts to dissolve and eliminate it were unsuccessful. The issue then became clear when I read the following:
“Now that you are doing spiritual practice, though, you can try, starting today, to regard it as an attachment to break, and see if you can manage to quit.” (Zhuan Falun)
I had been sending righteous thoughts every day to remove the attachment to homosexuality, but I had been looking at it from an ordinary perspective and as though it was something bigger than me. With this new insight, I realized that if I could treat myself as a true practitioner, there would be no attachment I could not eliminate.
I said to Master, “I am a Dafa disciple, and I realize that those unnatural thoughts and desires do not come from my true self. I firmly reject those things. I have to eliminate this attachment, because it is nothing and cannot interfere with me. Master, please help me strengthen my righteous thoughts.”
That attachment immediately melted away, and I felt myself become as clear as a crystal blue sky. Master did it all. When one’s character and realm of thought reaches the level of true belief in Master and the Fa, and one does not just pay lip service, Master will instantly dissolve those bad things for you. We find it difficult to remove attachments when we view them with human thoughts and blow them up all out of proportion. Once we let go of the human notion, that attachment is nothing before a true practitioner.
Clarifying the Truth about Dafa
Eventually, I started to hand out Dafa brochures with other practitioners and helped people quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) over the phone. I also helped make keepsakes inscribed with positive words about Dafa. Each time I did this, I felt strengthened by Master’s powerful energy.
I eventually found a job in my hometown. I earned about the same as at my previous job and the schedule allowed me enough time to study the Fa, do the exercises, and clarify the truth about Dafa.
When my relatives and friends saw that I was now healthy and no longer depressed, many of them began to practice Dafa. However, one relative asked me if I had gone back to the hospital to see if my health had returned to normal.
At first I was moved but quickly realized that it was a test of my belief in Master and the Fa. After passing this test, my understanding of the Fa improved and my belief in Master became stronger.
Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions or understandings. All content published on this website are copyrighted by Minghui.org. Minghui will produce compilations of its online content regularly and on special occasions.
Category: Improving Oneself
