(Minghui.org) I started to practice Falun Dafa in March 1999. From the beginning, I was assured that cultivating in Dafa could free me from reincarnation and I could return to heaven. At the time, my child was little and I had a busy job. So I didn’t participate in Fa-study, and neither did I do the exercises.
Then, on July 20, 1999, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began to persecute Falun Dafa.
Because I was not firm in my belief, I encountered many tribulations and suffered many losses over the past 19 years: I was taken to brainwashing centers, sentenced to four-and-a-half years in prison, and detained in a forced labor camp for two-and-a-half years.
I have never regretted cultivating in Dafa, and if I had it to do over, I would still choose to cultivate Dafa. Compared to diligent fellow practitioners, however, I was far from being qualified to be a Dafa disciple.
Being “Transformed:” Like Losing My Life
At the end of 2004, I was arrested and taken to a local brainwashing center. At first, I refused to be “transformed,” but my attachment to my 7-year-old child was later used against me and I wrote a gurantee statement.
The same night in my bunk, I felt cold all over. All of a sudden I saw two ugly entities on the windowsill. They pounced on me, held me tight, and I couldn't move. My main spirit left my body and tumbled onto the floor. I climbed into the bed of another practitioner and asked her to save me. She said she couldn’t because she'd also written a statement. I rushed back into my body. It took a good while before I thought of Master. I cried in my heart, “Master, please save me!” Those bad entities left me right away, and I didn’t feel cold anymore and was able to move again.
I realized that had happened because I had written the statement. Those entities had taken advantage of my shortcomings and tried to take my life. Although I had written the statement against my will, I was complying with the arrangements of the old forces—instead of following Master.
One day, when I lay down in my bunk, I felt cold again. I saw that those ugly entities had returned. This time I sent forth righteous thoughts and eliminated them before they could pounce on me.
The Result of Being “Transformed” Again
Even though I had signed the guarantee statement, I was still taken to a detention center. A year later, I was transferred to a prison. Because I was not able to withstand the torture, I was “transformed” again and signed the three statements.
Afterward, I saw myself lying in a black coffin in handcuffs and shackles in a prison cell.
In the middle of the night sometime later, I went to the restroom and saw a male demon so tall he touched the ceiling. I was so scared that I forgot to have righteous thoughts; I just ran away. I knew it was a consequence of allowing myself to be “transformed” again. I wanted to recite the Fa, but I couldn’t recall any.
Originally I could recite On Dafa fluently, but I was not able to recite more than one paragraph. My mind was seriously distracted. I was miserable and begged Master not to give up on me. Soon I felt the rotation of a Falun in front of my forehead. I knew Master had not forsaken me. Afterward, I was able to recall more Fa, albeit gradually. I recited the Fa whenever possible, and my state improved.
Letting Go of My Attachment to an Early Release
Because I worked hard in prison, I thought my sentence would be reduced by ten months to a year. My human thoughts had become rampant again. After many years in prison, I longed for freedom and to be with my family again, especially my children. Human attachments and righteous thoughts fought with each other in my mind. If I wanted my sentence to be reduced, I had to sign the three statements again, which meant I would commit another crime against Dafa.
One day before the end of the commuted term, I had a dream: I saw a beautiful pink lotus flower growing on the ground, which immediately withered. I walked ahead, saw another beautiful lotus flower, which also soon withered. I looked ahead and saw a lotus flower bud that was ready to blossom, surrounded by green lotus leaves.
When I woke up I realized it was a hint from Master: My fruit status was repeatedly ruined because I had written the three statements. I knew that I could not make the same mistake again.
So I chose to give up the “chance” of having my sentence reduced. The guards didn’t question my reasoning, and neither did they ask why.
I enlightened that allowing myself to be “transformed” was the greatest stain on my path of cultivation; furthermore, it is the biggest excuse for being persecuted. Many practitioners have encountered tribulations stemming from attachments to family, health, finances, and so on after they were released from prison.
Master doesn’t acknowledge the persecution arranged by the old forces. Master also knows many disciples wrote the “three statements” against their wills because they couldn’t bear the physical torture anymore. That’s why Master continues to provide practitioners with opportunities. As practitioners who have written the “three statements,” however, we must publish a solemn declaration on Minghui.org. We must be more diligent and do the three things better so as to compensate for our losses.
It is very dangerous for practitioners who have written things that are disrespectful of Master and the Fa while incarcerated and then try to hide their mistakes. Some practitioners have even lost their lives in that state.
Master said:
“So my point is, it’s okay if you make mistakes since you are a cultivator and are striving for divinity, but you need to be aware when you have done wrong and do well at what you are supposed to do, all the way until your cultivation is finished. And that is cultivation.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the New York Fa Conference Celebrating the 25th Anniversary of Dafa’s Spreading”)
Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions or understandings. All content published on this website are copyrighted by Minghui.org. Minghui will produce compilations of its online content regularly and on special occasions.
