(Minghui.org) I am 72 years old, and have practiced Falun Dafa since March 2006. Meimei, also a practitioner, and I study Master's teachings before we go out and clarify the truth about Dafa to people.
When we had problems distributing brochures, I said to Meimei, “The brochures Baibai gave us are not easy to hand out. Maybe we should print the pamphlets ourselves!”
I was quite upset about it last year. Actually, I am a novice when it comes to printing brochures. When I returned home, I came down with illness symptoms and had butterflies in my stomach. I thought, “I do not acknowledge the old forces' persecution!”
I wanted to keep quiet about my problem, and simply continued to go out and talk to people about Falun Dafa. However, my physical condition did not improve for over 20 days, but worsened. I looked inward, but could not find the reason for my illness symptoms.
While studying the Fa with another practitioner I inadvertently mentioned that I was experiencing a tribulation, but asked her not to tell others.
When I picked up brochures, Baibai appeared weak and pale, but she was still printing the brochures. I felt bad and realized that it was wrong to complain behind her back, and I decided not do that again. Whatever brochures are given to me, I will try my best to hand them out.
My illness symptoms stopped for about a week and then reoccurred. I studied the Fa and looked inward, but my condition did not improve. Even the effectiveness of my talking to people about Falun Dafa was not as good as before. I began to worry.
Meimei then asked, “Don't you want to print pamphlets? When do you plan to learn?” I suddenly understood that this was my problem.
I did not want to print the pamphlets, I was aggrieved because I felt I was being treated unfairly. I told her, “This is great. I found my attachment!” My illness symptoms then disappeared.
Then, I had a dream where many people were shouting, “The exam is over! The exam is over!” I asked the others if I passed the exam, but no one answered me. I said to myself I must have passed the exam. Then a voice in my mind quoted Master's words,
“A Buddha will be shocked by such wild statements, intentional or not. Don’t create obstacles for your own cultivation practice. You must also cultivate your speech in this regard.” (“Don’t Make Wild Statements” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
I quickly apologized and said, “Master, I was wrong. I failed, and have to let go of my many attachments.”
In retrospect, the attachment was like a grievance. I wanted the best for myself, and was indignant and suspicious of others when they did not do what I expected of them. I suffered for 37 days as a result.
Each of us has many stubborn notions and shortcomings, and we are often unaware of their existence. When conflicts appear during cultivation, and sickness karma emerges, we should be alarmed and look inward.
Master said,
“For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference IX)
“For a cultivator, cultivation is to cultivate oneself.” (A Congratulatory Message to the European Fa Conference)
We should not allow the old forces to take advantage of our loopholes and let the tribulation last too long. When we suffer, others feel distressed and Master worries for us.
Master said,
“Since cultivation is something that you must do proactively, out of your own will, when you are tempted by profit and gain, or when you suffer the wrenching pain in connection to your reputation and emotions, you must really be able to readily let go of those things, and only then will things work out for you.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference XI)
I will remember to look inward going forward. I will improve on my cultivation path and follow Master's teachings.
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Category: Improving Oneself
