(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Falun Dafa for over four years. Recently, a fellow Dafa practitioner told me that I meditate and send forth righteous thoughts with my head down, that at times my body is tilted, and that these things don't look good.
My heart was provoked. I was embarrassed, but said, “Thank you. I will pay attention to these things.” I didn't want to let any human feelings control me at that moment, so I quickly looked within myself to find the root cause of the problem.
My realization was: Yes when I practice, I often think about other things and can't calm down.
Master said,
“In other words, the fundamental reason for one's being unable to achieve tranquility is not an issue of techniques, but that your mind and heart are not clean. In ordinary human society and in interpersonal conflicts, you compete and fight for personal gain, all kinds of human qing, and your attachments to desires. If you do not let go of these things and take them lightly, how can you easily achieve tranquility? While practicing qigong, some people claim, “I just don't believe it. I've got to calm down and stop thinking.” As soon as that is said, all their thoughts pop up again. It is because your mind is not clean that you are unable to achieve tranquility.” (“Lecture Nine” from Zhuan Falun)
I regularly had all kinds of desires. I liked to fight with others and couldn't let that go. My mind was not clean, so it was hard for me to calm down. I told myself that I must cultivate a clean mind.
During this past Chinese New Year, our children and grandchildren came to visit us. On New Year's Eve, our family of ten people, old and young, got together and enjoyed ourselves. We ate, drank, laughed, and talked.
Then I said something inappropriate. My husband suddenly spoke to me sternly with a severe expression and put me down in front of our children and grandchildren. I rebutted him, saying that he is no better than me.
He became fierce. My son tried to make peace between us, but it didn't work. I knew that I had caused the problem, so I closed my mouth—but it was too late. My husband blurted out his usual grievances.
Hearing him, I realized many of my bad attachments. Most importantly, I hadn't been looking at myself when encountering conflicts. I forgot that I was a cultivator.
Master said:
“Whenever you encounter problems you should each look inward to search for the cause within, regardless of whether you’re to blame or not. Remember my words: Regardless of whether the problem is your fault or not, you should look inside yourself, and you will find a problem. If the matter has absolutely nothing to do with you or doesn’t involve any of the attachments you should break, then that thing would rarely happen to you.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Europe”)
The conflict with my husband was not coincidental—perhaps due to factors that were requiring me to cultivate and improve.
I calmed down after looking inward. I told my son that I was going to apologize to his father. My son was very happy and entered the room with me. My husband was still angry. My daughter-in-law was encouraging him to get over it. I walked over and said, “I'm sorry. I know I was wrong. I shouldn't have shifted the focus, accusing others...”
My daughter-in-law quickly tried to appease my husband, saying, “You see, my mother has apologized, so you should not be angry, right?” Sure enough, he nodded with a cheerful expression.
At this time, my grandson, who was in elementary school, raised his fists and shouted, “Yeah! Passed the test.” I was surprised that even my grandson knew that this was a test for me.
I realized that I was able to pass this test because I looked within. Although I lost face in front of my children and grandchildren, I also let go of a lot of bad attachments, including fear of losing face, not taking criticism, shirking responsibility, a show-off mentality, and a strong fighting mentality.
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Category: Improving Oneself
