(Minghui.org) Because of my slacking off in cultivation, I suffered from sepsis and was forced to have my lower left leg amputated in March 2017. Without Master's compassionate salvation, I would not be alive today.
The tribulation became a turning point for me to truly enter Dafa cultivation. By sharing my story with fellow practitioners below, I hope those who still fail to cultivate diligently can learn from my lesson: cultivation is most serious, and we all have to pay due attention to it.
Getting Close to Dafa, But Never Really Part of It
I have a good cultivation environment at home: my mother and husband are both Dafa cultivators. They follow the principles of “Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance” in their daily lives, improve their xinxing, and do “not fight back when being punched or insulted.” (Zhuan Falun)
From their changes, I witnessed the goodness of Dafa and also had the wish to practice Dafa.
But cultivation is much easier said than done for me.
Since I was a child, I was afraid of hardship and had many strong attachments. Seeing my mother and husband getting up at 3 a.m. every day to do the exercises for two hours, and also not fighting back when others bullied them, I felt it was almost impossible for me.
I know Dafa is good, but I also didn't want to lose my comfortable life. For several years, I just did the exercises once in a while. Even if I got up early, I only did the first, third, and fourth exercises. When I did the second exercise, I would put my hands down after just a couple minutes; when I did the sitting meditation, I only did it for a half hour and then went back to sleep.
In terms of Fa study, I would pick up the book only when I was bored or felt discomfort. When I was busy with work or other things, I would go several weeks without touching the book.
One of my biggest problems was that I couldn't tolerate others' pointing out my shortcomings. I lost my temper easily. Sometimes I threw things, hit or cursed my husband and child. I never truly attempted to discipline myself according to “Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance.”
In addition, I was skeptical about some of the supernormal things Master talked about in the books.
Looking back, my not cultivating diligently amounted to not cultivating, and my halfhearted faith in Master was not believing. In that case, how could I become a true Dafa disciple? I only got close to Dafa.
A Hard Lesson
Because of my lax cultivation state, the old forces took advantage of it and gave me a thrashing.
Last March, I twisted my left ankle and was unable to walk. I laid in bed and didn't want to study the Fa or do the exercises. With a bad mood, I often lost my temper and shouted at my mother and husband. Seeing that I wasn't acting like a cultivator at all, they persuaded me to go to the hospital. But I didn't agree and thought, “I'm a Dafa disciple. Master will protect me. I will be fine.”
Two weeks later, pus started to ooze from my left foot, and it swelled so badly that I could no longer put my shoe on. Worse still, my vision was blurred, and I had a lasting high fever. Then I became semi-conscious and was in very critical condition. I was taken to the intensive care unit (ICU) in the hospital.
After a thorough examination, a doctor said I had diabetes-induced sepsis and that it was very serious.
After having to stay in ICU for one week with tubes inserted all over my body, my condition failed to improve. I remained in a semi-conscious state. The doctor said the viral infection had gotten into my blood and suggested I immediately have my left calf amputated in order to prevent the virus from getting into my brain, which would be fatal.
With no other choice, my family agreed to the surgery. During the surgery, my mother, husband, and several fellow practitioners sent righteous thoughts for me outside the operating room. Some practitioners couldn't come to the hospital, but they also sent forth righteous thoughts for me at home and asked Master to save me.
I survived the surgery and woke up the next day. One week later, I was transferred to a regular room. Two weeks later, I left the hospital.
While I was in the ICU, my mother and husband played Dafa music for me when they came to visit me. They also whispered “Falun Dafa is good” and “Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance is good” by my ear. Although I wasn't fully conscious, I heard them clearly and also said “Falun Dafa is good” and “Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance is good” in my mind.
I also remembered what Master said in Zhuan Falun:
“I am rooted in the universe. If anyone can harm you, he or she would be able to harm me. Put simply, that person would be able to harm this universe.” (Zhuan Falun)
While the doctor was operating on me, I felt that my primordial soul had left my body and was drifting about. A strong force suddenly pulled me back into my body. I knew it was Master who had saved my life. Maybe Master saw that I still had the wish to cultivate Dafa, so he helped me and gave me another life.
Even the doctor said to my family before the surgery that he was unsure of my chances. In fact, many patients in similar situations died during surgery.
But my heart was filled with unspeakable fear after I saw that my left calf and foot had been amputated. It was a hard reality I didn't have the courage to face. I couldn't go anywhere and just stayed in bed all day. I cried all the time, and my mind was full of negative thoughts. I even thought about killing myself. My temper got worse.
Because I had serious diabetes and subsequently a kidney problem, the doctor instructed me to prick my navel before and after meals to measure my blood sugar level and have an insulin injection before meals. In just a few days, my belly was covered with pinpricks. I lost clumps of hair, and my vision worsened. I often lay in bed, thinking in desperation, “When will this life end?”
My mother and husband both told me that only Master could save me, that that was my only way out. I finally woke up and entered Dafa cultivation.
True Cultivation, True Health
Since late April last year, we formed a small Fa-study group at home with my mother, husband, and two other practitioners. We studied one lecture of Zhuan Falun each day and shared our understandings of the Fa.
They often reminded me to look at things from the Fa's perspective, discipline myself based on “Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance,” and look within when I had conflicts with others.
Through constant Fa study and with their help, I came to understand how to cultivate myself. I also improved in my doing the exercises.
After the tribulation, I lost nearly 45 pounds and was emaciated. During the first two months after I returned home from the hospital, I had almost no flesh left on my buttocks and thighs. I felt very uncomfortable no matter where I sat, even with thick cushions.
Because of the amputation, I had to sit while doing all the Dafa exercises. The pain in my buttocks was unbearable, and I had to lie down to take a break every few minutes. I could no longer do the exercises as I did before.
But at this point, I had to persist. I couldn’t give up.
As time went by, I gained some weight, and it was no longer painful to sit.
In July, I had an artificial limb installed. Although I limped while walking and it was difficult for me to go up and down the stairs, I believed that as long as I persisted in cultivating myself, everything would be fine. I was soon able to do the five sets of exercises normally.
Letting Go of Attachments
At first, I still had the attachment of being cured and had periodic insulin injections while cultivating Dafa. But as my understanding of the Fa deepened, I realized that I needed to change myself.
Master said:
“We emphasize one point: If you cannot relinquish the attachment or concern for illness, we cannot do anything and will be unable to help you.” (Zhuan Falun)
Gradually I let go of my pursuit of a cure and stopped getting insulin injections.
Master also said:
“Why can’t some people cure their illnesses after a long period of practice? Qigong is cultivation practice and something supernormal, as opposed to everyday people’s physical exercises. One must focus on xinxing in order to cure illness and increase gong.” (Zhuan Falun)
In addition to studying the Fa, I also read many sharing articles by practitioners, which were tremendously helpful to me. I was able to let go of many of my attachments, such as the attachment to my disease, the attachment of saving face and not letting others comment on me, as well as the attachment to lust.
I also noticed that I was no longer afraid when I heard police sirens or even the police knocking on our door to harass us. I could take fame and personal gain more lightly. My competitive mentality lessened. I didn't complain as much. I became more considerate of others and began to watch what I said to them.
Here I want to share two examples of my xinxing changes.
My father had a bad temper. He often beat and verbally abused me and my younger brother when we were children. Especially after the communist regime began to persecute Dafa, he strongly opposed my mother's practicing Dafa and often beat her. He once bound her with rope and beat her with a wooden stick. She had bruises all over and couldn’t walk afterward. I developed a strong resentment toward my father and had my mother stay at my home.
Master taught us:
“cultivators have no enemies” (“Turning the Wheel Towards the Human World,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress VOL. III)
Master taught us to be compassionate toward all sentient beings, even the police who persecute us. Master's teachings dissolved my hatred and resentment toward my father. From then on, I often called him and bought things for him.
Another change I noticed in myself was my attachment to money. Before cultivation, I never returned extra change others gave me by mistake, but I would fight hard if others didn't give me the correct change. Now I return all the money that doesn't belong to me, and my mind isn't preoccupied with money anymore.
I also try my best to help fellow practitioners financially for them to make truth-clarification materials. None of these would be possible if I didn't cultivate Dafa.
After one year of cultivation, with the tremendous improvement in my xinxing, my health also improved. Now I have a rosy complexion and thick, black hair. My body feels light and comfortable.
Compassionate Master never gave up on me. Instead, he eliminated so much karma and bore the suffering for me. Master gave me everything I have today. I have to cultivate myself more diligently, remove my attachments, and be a true Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple.
Thank you, benevolent Master, for your salvation!
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Category: Improving Oneself
