(Minghui.org) I've been experiencing a physical tribulation in the area of my right breast since 2017, which I believe was due to many problems in my cultivation. I recently realized that I had a strong attachment to resentment. I was consumed by it for so long that it was integrated into my way of thinking. It dictated what I said and what I did.
Getting along with my in-laws was always my toughest challenge. My mother-in-law passed away many years ago. The eldest sister-in-law then became the head of the family. She is a tough person, and has a loud voice. The other sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law are also tough. The father-in-law is easy-going; he doesn't have ideas of his own, and simply listens to whatever his children say. They have created lots of challenges for me and my family.
I had a big problem with the in-laws last year, and I couldn't resolve it or get over it. Another practitioner asked me if I have any resentment. I said, “Yes, I've had resentment towards them for over 20 years. But I didn't realize it until now.”
I fulfilled most of what the in-laws have demanded in the past two decades no matter how unreasonable they were. Although I tolerated it on the surface, I hadn't elevated my xinxing. My resentment grew stronger and stronger. I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to think of them. I felt like they were the worst people in the world.
Upon realizing I had this resentment, I looked inward and wanted to eliminate the resentment. There was so much that I needed to give up bit by bit. Fellow practitioners also sent forth righteous thoughts to help me eliminate interference.
Surprisingly, that big problem with the in-laws was resolved within a few days after I realized that I had this resentment. It was hard to believe that it was resolved so quickly, since it had been bothering me for six months. A fellow practitioner reminded me, “Because you have the will to get rid of the resentment and to look inward, Master helped you resolve that matter.”
Resentment means that you feel indignant or that someone or something is unfair. For example, when you are dealing with people, and you feel that your interests have suffered, you have been irritated, or you lose face. In many cases, the root of resentment is jealousy.
I wondered: How did I develop resentment? First, I am an introverted and timid person. When I was wronged, I did not vent, instead I felt indignant and resentful. Besides, I have strong human notions, and a rigid mind. I am very concerned about who's right and wrong, and if something is fair or unfair on the surface. It kept me from seeing the situation from a cultivator’s perspective. And, I would finally end up complaining a lot.
Even worse, being immersed in the social environment of communism where we are brainwashed and instilled with hatred, my thoughts and behaviors were unconsciously dominated by resentment.
I've seen that many practitioners have resentment more or less. It may manifest only when you are irritated due to some attachments. In my opinion, complaining is a slight resentment. It is common in myself or among fellow practitioners. Sometimes resentment is not expressed explicitly in words, but you can feel that emotion exists. For example, “How could he do this?” “How could he not discuss it with me?” and so on.
Hatred is a strong resentment. While hatred is not so pervasive among practitioners, I do know of an extreme case. A practitioner hated another practitioner so much that she would get emotional whenever she talked about this practitioner. She claimed that this practitioner was mentally ill. She even wished that this practitioner would be hit by a car or get arrested by the police. I thought she was even worse than an ordinary person. But, why did I see this? Perhaps it’s because I also had some bad thoughts hidden within.
From the perspective of personal cultivation, if we don't eliminate resentment, we can’t be a good person fundamentally. No matter how compassionate we seem to be on the surface, it is not true compassion.
From the perspective of maintaining a cultivation environment, resentment is indeed detrimental among fellow practitioners. Fellow practitioners turning against each other would give the old forces an excuse to persecute them. Saying something vicious would also generate lots of karma for oneself. Resentment and hatred are like swords. They can cause loss or damage to the one body of practitioners.
Resentment weakens the power of compassion. From the perspective of saving sentient beings, if we don’t let go of resentment, it would be hard to touch people’s hearts when you clarify the facts to them, no matter how kind you appear to be or how compelling and clear your logic is.
Despite the fact that we may have accumulated lots of resentments during numerous reincarnations, we should eliminate our resentment. Only in this way can we treat ourselves, fellow practitioners, and sentient beings with pure compassion.
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Category: Improving Oneself
