(Minghui.org) I have recently realized that the acquired “self” is my biggest obstacle in saving sentient beings, and also for some fellow practitioners who have not realized the existence of the acquired “self.”
Those practitioners have continued staggering along doing the three things under the dominance of the acquired “self” without practicing real Dafa cultivation, and establishing the mighty virtue of Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples.
What is the acquired “self”? I’d like to share some of my experiences and understandings of how to identify and remove it. I hope we can learn from each other and improve together.
Discovery of Attachment to Self
My first encounter with the acquired “self” was in October 2000. I traveled to Beijing, and arrived at the Tiananmen Square to appeal for justice for Falun Gong. However, due to fear I couldn’t do what other practitioners had done – letting go of life and death to safeguard Dafa.
I returned to the hotel room with much regret. I hated myself for being so weak. Many thoughts popped up in my mind, including, “I’ve missed the opportunity of consummation – I will never reach consummation – All what I have done is wasted – It’s over for me.” These thoughts buried me alive, and I felt that I had fallen into hell.
At that moment, a very dim thought hit me, “Master did not say that in Zhuan Falun” I gradually woke up and saw my problem – I was cultivating for myself, not for safeguarding Dafa!
Back then, I knew only that those thoughts were wrong, but not that they were from the acquired “self.” Now I know, the acquired “self” cares for nothing, but its “cultivation,” and is attached to its own consummation. It regards any problem in cultivation to be interference with its consummation, and it rejects it, instead of being responsible for the Fa and other beings by taking the opportunity to look inside.
Trying to Understand the Acquired Self
I began ample Fa study and Fa memorization for a period of time. My mind was filled with the Fa, and I was able to detect something deeply hidden. I saw a way of thinking that existed in my thought system, which surrounded a big pillar in the center. I recognized the pillar was “selfishness.” I saw as soon as I started thinking anything, that my thinking pattern was rotating along that pillar. I tried my best to reject it, and instead follow Dafa’s way of thinking.
I lived far away from my hometown, and only had contact with one local practitioner. The practitioner suggested one day, “Could you find an opportunity to connect with the group, so we can form one body?”
It was a very bold thought given my situation at that time. I was under surveillance around the clock. There was a light in my room that was on all day and all night. My neighbor was part of the neighborhood committee. Both her husband and son were police officers assigned to watch me.
I decided to join the local practitioners’ group, but wanted to first pay them a visit. As soon as my mind was made up, my body, especially my legs, could not stop shaking. I pointed at my legs and told the elements behind them, “It’s not that I have no compassion. I have to destroy you because you are trying to keep Dafa disciples from forming one body.”
Suddenly, all the shaking stopped, and a cold current drained down my legs and out from my toes. Fear no longer existed in my mind. I did not know what fear was anymore because the concept of fear was gone. Under Master’s merciful protection, I smoothly joined forces with the local practitioners.
I now understand that the acquired “self” was terrified at Dafa disciples forming one body, because when we become one body and harmonize what Master wants, we are disintegrating/getting rid of the acquired “self.”
The acquired “self” wants to cultivate in Dafa too, but without seeing the Fa’s principles, it can only mechanically “do” what is taught in the book, just like the monks going through the procedure of consecration as a formality without knowing the meaning of it. It is mimicking cultivation, not practicing real cultivation.
I’ll provide an example to illustrate how the acquired “self” was mixed in our cultivation.
A few days ago, my wife, also a practitioner, suddenly accused me of something. On the human level she had wronged me. Upon recognizing it was a test, “I” “maintained” my xinxing and did not say anything. My wife became more frustrated at my non-responsiveness, and started using harsh words. “I” was still very calm.
My wife started firing all her accusations at me like cannonballs. At this time, I saw a dark shell-like substance in my Dantian area slowly opening a gap, and the sentence “Beyond the Limits of Forbearance” (Essentials for Further Advancement) and a sentence from Master’s article Expounding on the Fa occurred to me. Under the influence of these two sentences, I argued back with a few words. My wife stormed off.
I began looking inside. What was the thing that opened a gap? It looked like a shell covering my true self. I gradually realized it was the acquired self at a very microscopic level. I examined its past and present actions and started seeing through it.
Self Relies on Comfort Zone
In my understanding, this is how the acquired “self” “cultivates xinxing.” It sets a bottom line for itself which forms a comfort zone that cannot be touched. Outside the zone, no matter how hard one works on removing attachments and cultivating xinxing, it is indifferent because its existence is not threatened. But as soon as a threat is posed to its very existence, it will use Master’s words from the books and do evil in the name of Fa-rectification.
I recalled one of the incidents that I used to take pride in negating the persecution.
Ten years ago, two police officers came to my home. My mind was very “quick” and saw through their intentions of persecution. I thought, “I will keep them from bringing up Falun Gong by ‘shutting them up’ for a while, and they will ask me to talk about Falun Gong. I will then clarify the truth by listing facts. They will not be able to find any excuses to persecute me.”
Things developed exactly as I had planned. I took the opportunity of their thirst of knowing more about Falun Gong and clarified the facts to them. In the end they left politely. I thought I had passed the test and negated the persecution. I now understand that I was played by the acquired “self.” I failed to let go of myself to save those predestined people in an open and dignified manner.
I have recently begun making use of the time in the morning to study the Fa briefly. I felt that “my” state was quite good because it was very quiet. But as soon as I entered an extremely good state and felt that the “Fa principles” were about to be revealed to me, at this moment, my wife would suddenly call me to do this or that.
When I returned, the good state was gone. I resumed Fa study and entered the good state again, but my wife would bring fruits and tell me to eat... I had to smile a bitter smile.
I thought the evil was manipulating people to interfere with me, to prevent me from improving, but the interference seemed endless. Around the same time, my wife said that my Fa-study was based on selfishness. I was not convinced, and thought, “I’m just using my spare time to study the Fa, time that you would use to watch TV. How selfish could I be?” I began to feel unfairly treated.
I immediately realized something was wrong because my true self would never think like that. “Who was feeling unfairly treated?” and “Who was feeling in a good state just now?” I realized it was the acquired “self.” After being interfered with when trying to obtain the Fa, it stopped pretending and became upset.
I found the acquired “self’s” Fa study was self-centered and full of intentions, whereas my true self was selfless and altruistic.
Master said,
“The beings of the past were selfish.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. VI)
In my understanding, while participating in social activities, lives with the selfish elements would think of themselves and develop selfishness, causing their levels to be lowered in the Fa of the old cosmos.
When selfishness becomes dominant in these lives, they developed a way of thinking that was centered around self-protection. With that, a lot of notions were formed which construct the acquired “self” that we are talking about. Furthermore, all kinds of attachments and human thoughts are built upon these notions.
I have come to understand from the Fa that there were layers upon layers of selfish elements in each of us, and Master has removed the deeper layers for us, leaving just a little bit on the surface for each of us to improve upon. Our nature has been purified to be constructed only with Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. If Master didn’t do this for Dafa disciples, practicing cultivation would be impossible.
The Fa-rectification progress has reached the very end of the end. Everything that happens today is fundamentally caused by the element of attachment to self, because the selfishness does not want to accept the Fa-rectification! It is in a very obvious manifestation in the process of this writing.
It took me three days to finish this article, and I felt physically very uncomfortable as soon as I thought about continuing to write. Today, I could hardly sit still in front of the computer, because my body was shaking so badly that I couldn’t complete the key strokes. I finally finished the article with Master’s strengthening.
Thank you, Master!
I also hope the elements that are still resisting the Fa-rectification can accept the Fa-rectification positively, so as to have a bright future!
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Category: Improving Oneself
