(Minghui.org) After I graduated from college four years ago I joined a practitioner-run media organization. My priority was saving sentient beings. Over time I realized that things were becoming complicated due to my attachments.
Deepening My Understanding of the Teachings
I know that our media has an important mission, so I paid a lot of attention to my cultivation. I recited Lunyu every morning, read the Fa on my way to work, meditated, sent righteous thoughts, and joined group Fa study. I felt very happy and I cherished the opportunity to work in our media.
When work got busy, my cultivation became unstable, and it was easy to slack off. The media lacked manpower so sometimes we worked very late. When we did large-scale live broadcasts, it became so busy that I slept at the station for several days.
When my cultivation isn’t good, my body easily gets tired, and my work efficiency drops. For a long time, I was half asleep when I sent righteous thoughts, and studying the Fa became a formality. I read one Fa lecture per day, but afterwards couldn’t remember what I read. While I read I thought about how long the lecture was, or about work. I was sometimes late for Fa study. I realized that I didn’t have enough respect for Dafa. I developed many human notions and I couldn’t even identify my attachments.
After my mother forwarded a Minghui article about studying the Fa, I realized that I wasn’t paying enough attention to Fa study. I couldn’t understand the deeper meanings of the Fa, or use the Fa to evaluate myself in everyday life. I had distracting thoughts while reading, which were interference, but I didn't stop them. After last year's media conference I was determined to recite the Fa, but I was easily interrupted and finally gave up.
After other practitioners talked about their experiences of memorizing the Fa I decided to try again. I've been reciting two paragraphs per day. Even though I’ve read Zhuan Falun hundreds of times, each time I recite it, new meanings are shown to me. It’s now easier to see my shortcomings. I feel that Master is always watching me. Every sentence I recite points out my attachments.
When I was reciting Lunyu the other night, I was very excited when I recited the last sentence:
“And any cultivator who is able to become one with Dafa is an enlightened one—divine.” (Lunyu, Zhuan Falun)
I feel that I'm still far from the state of being divine. I should be more diligent.
My Ego Grows
When I first joined the media, the other practitioners welcomed me because I was from Taiwan. They think that Taiwanese practitioners don’t have Communist Party culture instilled in them. When the others praised me, I thought, “Am I really that good?” I recalled Master’s words,
“For a cultivator, all the frustrations he comes across among everyday people are trials, and all the compliments he receives are tests.” (A Cultivator is Naturally Part of It, Essentials for Further Advancement)
My supervisor said that I was a very hardworking and resilient person. He trusted me and assigned me a lot of tasks. My ego grew after hearing so much praise, but if someone mistreated me or scolded me, I felt wronged, thinking, “I could never be wrong, because I’m so good!”
I began to coordinate tasks. Some practitioners have professional skills, but I sometimes feel that I’m not very important, and I’m not doing much. When we see the outcome of a project, people praise the practitioners who produced it. Gradually, I started to form jealousy and the attachment of comparing myself with others. My supervisor told me that I always say, “I can do it.” I felt that I said that because I was just trying to prove myself and didn’t want others to say that I wasn’t doing anything.
I always thought that I had few attachments regarding reputation, money, and relationships. I knew that I needed to let go of my ego, but I didn’t really look into the attachments behind it. When people complimented me or said how nice I was or how good my xinxing was, I didn’t realize that this praise increased my ego.
Hidden Lust
Because I attended an all-female high school, I seldom interacted with men. I was even afraid of talking to them. When I was in college I interacted with other practitioners, and gradually broke through my fear of men. This way I could talk to people about Falun Dafa.
In my work I need to look for actors. I started paying attention to good looking people. I didn’t realize that I was developing an attachment because I thought it was just part of my job. I was more willing to talk to people that were good looking.
I know that for practitioners, male/female relationships are serious and I still tried to avoid interacting with men. But I felt that everyone has a kind heart. I naturally gravitated towards people who were interesting, good looking, and easy-going, but I started to have an emotional attachment towards them. I also admired coworkers who worked hard. There are many sometimes inappropriate behaviors in this open society of the U.S. I gradually accepted it and didn’t eliminate the negative influence it had on my thoughts.
I never thought I had developed an attachment to lust. I talked to a business owner about Falun Dafa. When he texted me later that day, I didn’t think much about it. I thought he wanted to learn more about Falun Dafa. However, he started to tell me his personal life and that he wanted to see me again.
I reflected on myself and wondered why such a thing happened to me. I remembered having a dream in which I had an inappropriate relationship with a fellow practitioner. When I woke up, I didn’t realize that it was lust interfering with me. When I understood the importance of eliminating my lust, and sent forth righteous thoughts, the business owner stopped texting me.
Breaking Through Selfishness
I'm shy and introverted and I don’t like big groups. I usually distanced myself from others and preferred being alone. I only interacted with a few fellow practitioners whom I trusted and got along with. I often rejected invitations from fellow practitioners, feeling that I didn’t have much to talk about. We practitioners are a big family. How could I distance myself from the others? Wasn't I being selfish?
I recently started meditating with other practitioners, and studying the Fa with them on weekends. I realize that the group cultivation environment is great for improving myself. As practitioners, we should encourage each other and remind each other when we slack off. In the past, I thought I could cultivate just fine by studying the Fa and meditating by myself. I could do it when it was convenient for me. I discovered that my cultivation was easily interfered with. I couldn’t maintain my Fa study, and my cultivation wasn’t stable. The group Fa study and meditation schedules are fixed. I need to arrange my time to meet the schedule, but it can guarantee my cultivation.
I now love meditating with other practitioners. When I hear Master’s voice in the exercise music, I feel He is with us. I feel calm and comfortable.
Interacting with other practitioners has been great. They've helped me by pointing out attachments that I wasn’t aware of. Reading their sharing articles also helps me raise my righteous thoughts. Their wonderful experiences are good references to use when I tell people about Falun Dafa.
Since we're immersed in ordinary society it’s very easy to have a lot of human attachments. Only after proactively eliminating all of our attachments are we truly cultivating. There’s nothing trivial in cultivation. If we don’t use the Fa as our guide it’s very easy to invite tribulations.
I recently experienced some health issues. I started to evaluate my cultivation to see if I was slacking off or had attachments that I hadn't eliminated. Fellow practitioners have also talked about how significant our responsibilities are. It’s easy for negative things to take advantage of us if we don’t cultivate diligently.
I knew that my body not feeling good was actually a good thing, as compassionate Master was purifying my body. It was also an alert for me to evaluate my cultivation status.
I hope to cherish the remaining time we have, cultivate solidly, and save even more people!
Thank you compassionate and great Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!
Experience Sharing at the 2019 NTD and Epoch Times Fa Conference
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