(Minghui.org) A friend of my mother-in-law invited me to attend a Falun Dafa nine-day workshop nineteen years ago. I brought my two sons, who were just one and two years old, with me. They cried all the way home, which was really a test for my xinxing. I was busy taking care of my family and my business. One day, I met a practitioner who encouraged me to make time to read the teachings. He said, “Dafa is good! Be sure to cherish it.”
Letting Go of Resentment For My Mother-In-Law
My husband was sent abroad in 2008 and my mother-in-law went to Hong Kong to care for a relative’s child. I was left alone in Taiwan to take care of my two sons. I also had to work. I was unhappy with my mother-in-law, for she went to Hong Kong when my sons and I needed her the most. Every time she returned to Taiwan, I felt anxious. My resentment made me have little compassion for her. My husband said that I wasn’t behaving like a practitioner. I was also frustrated about my cultivation state. Whenever my mother-in-law came back for medical treatment, I felt even more unhappy with the fact that I had to look after her.
I remembered what Master said,
“What we lose is actually something bad. What is it? It is karma, which goes hand in hand with different human attachments.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I didn’t enlighten to the principle that I was actually losing karma. I refused to endure hardships and was only concerned about myself. When I thought about my mother-in-law’s age I realized that I should have treated her better. With this enlightenment, the conflicts between us lessened, and our relationship became better and better.
My Sons Help Me Improve
My path of cultivation has not been smooth. For example, my two sons always worked against me, making it challenging for me to raise them by myself. The conflicts between us caused me to behave like an ordinary mother. I hurried my sons to get up, brush their teeth, have their meals, and so on. Over time they became as anxious as I was. The school teacher often called me to talk about their problems, and I always reproached them with my own criteria of right and wrong, hoping they would behave well. A few years later I arranged for them to study at the Niao Song School of the Arts, a school where students live on campus.
My sons attending the school away from home acted as a buffer between us when we had conflicts. One day, the school bus arrived when I was arguing with them. After they left I looked inward. Once I began making an effort to hold my temper and calmly examine myself, I felt that I became less aggressive and more tolerant of others.
My younger son was worried that without previous training, he would not dance well. I was also worried whether he could get used to the new environment. One day his teacher said, “Your son has a nickname, 'rubber band'. His flexibility allows him to stretch his body more easily than others. He's become better and better.” I was very happy for my son’s progress. My son was awarded the gold prize in the junior male division in 2017.
With my sons away at school I had more time for Dafa projects, and I started to clarify the truth in Hong Kong. I once met a mother and a child talking to people about the persecution while on their vacation. Touched by their diligence, I also wanted to bring my sons to Hong Kong to help save people.
After I talked with my sons about my experience there several times, they finally understood and agreed to come with me. One day prior to our departure, however, my younger son lost the costume he had borrowed from his friend for competition in the U.S. Irritated by my scolding, he angrily retorted, “I cannot possibly imagine what my life would be like if I were as anxious as you!” I failed to maintain my xinxing even though I knew I should have. My son's backtalk really exposed my agitation. I didn’t understand why my son was so careless.
I dreamed one day about a person drifting off while meditating, and I realized that the person was me. From the dream I understood that my son’s carelessness was meant to expose my weak main consciousness. I decided to eliminate this interference of sleepiness.
I thought about using a camera to prevent myself from falling asleep when doing the exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts. After thinking more about it, I decided to solve the problem through cultivation.
Master said,
“So you're all clear on the purpose of Dafa disciples' sending righteous thoughts, which is mainly done to clean out the evil beings that control the human race and make it do evil against Dafa and persecute Dafa disciples and the world's people, and it's to save the human race and sentient beings, and to clear out the obstacles to Fa-rectification that were set up. So it's of utmost importance.” (“Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. III)
After I read this Fa passage, I started placing more emphasis on sending forth righteous thoughts. I wanted to clean up my dimensional field so that I could do the three things well.
During our stay in Hong Kong, my sons did the exercises and distributed the Epoch Times with other young practitioners. Many Chinese tourists gathered around us when they saw the young practitioners. One night after Fa study, my younger son said that he gave a copy of the Epoch Times to an old man with both hands. The man spoke to him in Cantonese for a long time. Although he didn’t understand Cantonese, my son still patiently stood there and said, “Falun Dafa is good.” Hearing that my son even offered his copy of Zhuan Falun to the man, I realized he was very righteous. My journeys to Hong Kong helped me understand the sacredness of saving people, and that we should work as a team and do it better.
Clarifying the Truth to My Family and Chinese Tourists
The trials and interference during my stay in Hong Kong involved my mother. Suffering from diseases, she could not understand why I had to go there instead of staying with her. My mother was diagnosed with cardiovascular disease and had to have a stent implanted. I returned to Taiwan earlier than I'd planned. My mother was later diagnosed with lung cancer. The two diseases could not be cured at the same time. My family sank into gloom.
It wasn't until my mother’s hospitalization that I told her about the persecution and why practitioners went to Hong Kong. My husband and I finally made her realize the truth of Dafa and my duty as a practitioner. On the day that the surgery was scheduled, the doctor rechecked my mother’s condition and found that her cardiovascular function was normal. The surgery was canceled.
Concerned about my mother’s fears about the lung cancer, the doctor said, “You may rest assured that I will do my best for you.” The doctor communicated with cancer patients in a way that was encouraging, stress-free, and full of hope.
Compared to the doctor, I talked to Chinese tourists in a way that sounded like a scolding. I asked myself, “Do I really care about these people? Do I really understand their fears and concerns?” I decided to change my approach. I decided to be more patient, the way the doctor talked to my mother. I revised the words I said and the display boards again and again. In order to save people the display boards needed to be concise and eye-catching.
Once I rectified my unrighteous thoughts, sentient beings arranged by Master came up to me and listened. I tried my best to interact well with Chinese tourists. While telling them the facts, I was even touched by my own words sometimes. My diligence in saving people also affected my family. A case in point was my mother-in-law. Though she did not practice Dafa, she was willing to distribute the Epoch Times during her stay in Hong Kong. When I expressed my concern that she had to stand for a long time, she said that she felt delighted and wasn’t tired at all.
Improving Xinxing While Clarifying the Truth in Hong Kong
Master said,
“One day Shakyamuni was going to take a bath in the forest, and he asked his disciple to clean the bathtub. His disciple went to the bathtub and found it full of insects crawling everywhere. The insects would be killed if he cleaned the bathtub.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
Like Shakyamuni's disciple, I was an overly cautious person with many fears and worries. I even used the excuse that I couldn't sleep in strange places as an excuse for not going to Hong Kong.
I felt there was no need to leave my family since I could save people in Taiwan. Once I decided to go to Hong Kong, the attachment to sentimentality started interfering with me. One morning I found a man lying in my doorway. When the police came they said, “It would be a problem if he were dead.” This incident made me realize the urgency of saving people. I spent 388 days over the past five years in Hong Kong, talking to Chinese tourists.
I was sent to a less popular site one day, where the tourists just hurried past me. I followed them and kept talking to them. Before they got on the bus, one man turned around and said, “Now I understand why practitioners keep trying to talk to us. You did a great job!” I replied, “Please withdraw from the Party before you leave Hong Kong!” The tourists all nodded and waved to me.
I sometimes felt frustrated about the Chinese tourists' indifference. The thought of going back to Taiwan exposed my attachment to comfort. One night during Fa study, I kept noticing the word “wuwei” (without pursuit). This made me realize the reason I went to Hong Kong was not out of pursuit, but to save people. It was also a great cultivation opportunity. Because Falun Dafa cultivates both mind and body, we may experience changes once we improve our xinxing. I knew I had made a big leap forward in my cultivation as I could feel the difference in my body after I returned to Taiwan.
Treating Pro-Communist Groups as Family
There were conflicts every day when I stayed in Hong Kong. I sometimes thought of Master's words,
“To save people, I do not fear brutality.”(“Why Do You Refuse,” Hong Yin IV)
While we were saving people on one side, those pro-communist groups made trouble on the other side. It was a true xinxing test for me to endure their verbal abuse and the terrible things they said about Dafa. They continually broadcast their slander over loudspeakers. If I complained to the other practitioners, they would intensify it. I came to realize that I should not be swayed by them. I started telling them the facts the way I did to the Chinese tourists.
The interference lessened once I started treating them as people to be saved. Instead of being driven by their behavior, I needed to do a better job in clarifying the truth to them. I realized that if I focused on their irrational behavior, they would be worse off. After all, they were poor souls deceived by the CCP. I quietly told them, “You may not know why Falun Dafa is persecuted by the CCP. The former Chinese leader Jiang Zemin initiated the persecution out of his jealousy. We practitioners don't want political power. Instead, we just want to clarify the truth of this persecution.”
Facing My Biggest Attachment: Fear
Fearing that I would embarrass myself, I used all kinds of excuses to delay my writing of this article. During the writing process, I looked inward and found that I have been hiding my attachment to fear as well as evading my responsibilities. What was I afraid of?
I was even afraid of hosting a Fa sharing meeting. I became anxious, fearing that I must speak. This attachment to fear grew during my stay in Hong Kong. I did not really try to eliminate it there. My fear was so pervasive that it always surfaced and interfered with me when I talked to people about Dafa.
Master said,
“Fear is a death trap on a human being’s journey toward divinity.” (“Pass the Deadly Test,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III)
With my righteous thoughts, I must pass this test and reach the state where no attachments remain.
With Master’s arrangements and the reminders of three fellow practitioners, I managed to write this sharing article.
If the above sharing contains anything inappropriate, please kindly point it out. Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2019 Taiwan Fa Conference)
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