(Minghui.org) I always thought that I believed in Master and the Fa. Over the years, I have studied the Fa and done the exercises daily, although sometimes I did not complete all five sets of the exercises. I spent time clarifying the truth to others as well, although I might not have done really well each time.
Nevertheless, as time passed, I felt with increasing regularity, that there was something separating me from the Fa, preventing me from truly cultivating.
To identify the cause of this, I tried to look within and eliminate the issue. I found that I had many attachments, for example, negative thoughts, jealousy, the fighting mentality, lust, seeking personal gain, and laziness.
I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate these attachments. Immediately I felt that they were reduced, but a few days later, they came back. They also seemed even stronger than before. While my negative thoughts were strong during these times, I could not find the motivation to study the Fa or do the exercises. I was disappointed with myself.
Recently I read Master's words:
"There is no precondition for practicing cultivation, and one should practice cultivation if one wants to." (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
"So why do you cultivate?" I asked myself. Thinking back, I liked Master's books so much and this was what drew me to Dafa. This thought couldn’t be wrong, could it?
However, thinking more deeply, I found that there was something else that I did not want to admit. I was not completely satisfied with my environment. I was seeking comfort from Dafa. A secret thought I often had was, "Look, I did not get these things because I do not want to fight for them like an ordinary person."I was using Dafa to hide my dirty thoughts.
Over the years, I used Dafa for personal gain. For example, when I had symptoms of illness, I did the exercises in order to get rid of them; I advised my children to recite "Falun Dafa is good" in order to have Dafa protect them. When the result was not what I wished for, I would feel disappointed.
Because my purpose for practicing Dafa was not pure, there existed a separation between myself and the Fa. Because I did not behave like a true cultivator, my cultivation has been in a state of flux.
I also discovered my thoughts were full of Communist Party ideals. I used to think I was not deeply impacted by the Communist Party culture because I had never joined the Party and I never had any interest in politics. However, after carefully reading "Dissolving the Party Culture," I was shocked. I found that the way I talked to others and the tone I used were strongly influenced by such culture.
As a result, I decided to increase the time I spent sending righteous thoughts to cleanse my environment. I asked Master to strengthen me. For the first time, I could see that such entities really existed and that they were in fact alive. While my main consciousness was strong, they would hide or disguise themselves.
After doing this for a good period of time, I found that my mind was feeling clearer and more at peace. My environment certainly improved. I am now more eager than ever to study the Fa and do the exercises. Even better, the speed at which I am able to memorize the Fa has also increased. I am so thankful to Master and Dafa!
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Category: Improving Oneself
