(Minghui.org) I am a Dafa disciple who was born in the 90s and am now pursuing a Ph.D. in China. I started Dafa cultivation when I was in middle school.
As a cultivator, I have followed the teachings in Zhuan Falun to eliminate attachments, improve my xinxing, and accord myself with the standard of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Dafa has manifested many miracles in my life.
Eliminating Lust; Denying the Old Forces’ Arrangements
I started reading novels and watching TV serials in sixth grade. College turned out to be an unhealthy social environment, where I enjoyed watching cartoons, TV serials, and movies and reading novels, which exposed me to lust.
After graduating from college, I realized lust was a very dirty mindset and also the fundamental attachment that a practitioner must eliminate. After realizing the harm of lust, I began sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it.
Sometimes the result was good but sometimes not, and the attachment was not completely removed. In the second semester of graduate school, influenced by my roommate, I became obsessed with Korean TV shows that had a lot of inappropriate content.
After watching these programs for a while, I became addicted. If there was a new episode, I couldn't wait to see it. I even slacked off in my Fa study and school work. I knew this was the attachment to lust and I wanted to get rid of it.
Due to the ups and downs of my state of mind, I lost confidence in myself and didn't know if I could eliminate lust by cultivating.
Then I read a Minghui article “Enlightenment and Improvement While Transcribing the Fa.” Just like in the article, I’d also thought about transcribing the Fa. When I began, I noticed I had been overlooking a great deal when I read and listened to the Fa.
Master Li Hongzhi said:
“ … There is a transition at the lowest level of cultivation, and this is to purify your body completely. All of the bad things in your mind, the karmic field surrounding your body, and the elements that make your body unhealthy will be cleaned out. If they are not cleaned out, how can you, with such an impure, dark body and a filthy mind, cultivate toward a higher level?” (Lecture One in Zhuan Falun)
When I transcribed the above paragraph, the term “filthy mind” touched me deeply. I realized that if my filthy mindset was not removed, I couldn't cultivate to a higher level.
In the process of transcribing the Fa, my thoughts related to lust faded and began disappearing one by one, and my mind became purer and purer. My attachments to seeking comfort and laziness gradually weakened as well. I also did not miss the time to send forth righteous thoughts.
When I watched TV shows before, the excuse I gave myself was that I was too stressed to study and needed to relax. However, watching them really did not relax me at all.
On the contrary, I often recalled parts of the show when I was studying the Fa and doing my school work, and that affected my concentration.
Through regular Fa study, I realized that the attachment of lust was like taking drugs: if you want to get rid of it, you must first cut off the source.
I decided to stop watching TV and going to movies and reading novels. Ordinary people had created these things and they contained a lot of bad content, including bad substances that could be added into my mind.
Eliminating the Attachment of Jealousy and Getting Over Depression
Before I started to practice Dafa, Master was already looking after me. In elementary school, I was riding a bicycle when the door of a big truck swung open and I ran into it. I was thrown more than a meter but was left unscathed.
In my sophomore year of high school, Master opened up my wisdom and took my grades from the lowest to the highest in the class. In college and graduate school, my grades were always among the best.
In graduate school, I participated in competitions, won awards, published articles, and received national scholarships. After finishing my master's degree, I went to a good university to pursue my Ph.D.
In the second year of my Ph.D. studies, due to the unsatisfactory progress of my research project and publishing articles, my mood got worse every day. Because my project was different from my advisor's program, I could not discuss it with him.
Seeing that other students had started to publish articles, and their projects were going smoothly, the pressure in my mind increased, and I made no progress in my research project.
At the same time, the interference of lust resurfaced and reduced my confidence in cultivation; my mood only got worse. I began to overeat for a long time and cried in the dormitory every day.
Due to prolonged overeating, I had health problems. My stomach hurt frequently, and my weight increased rapidly, which only made my depression worse.
All of these things created a vicious cycle. I knew they were all persecution by the old forces that wanted me to fail in cultivation.
Because my main consciousness was not sober, I couldn’t understand the Fa when I read Zhuan Falun, and I often lost concentration while listening to the audio Fa teachings.
This went on intermittently for a year. However, even in that circumstance, Master did not give up on me. In early spring of this year, the review comments on one of my articles came back and I was asked to revise it.
The three reviewers’ comments on my article were poor. They considered my article nothing new and not worth publishing. This was a terrible blow, and I cried for a long time. I waited a month to revise it.
But while I was revising it, something miraculous happened. Even though the reviewers’ comments were difficult to answer, and I didn't even know the things required for the revision, the revision process was exceptionally smooth.
I was even able to submit the revised article before the deadline. But later, this article was returned twice for further revision. When it was sent back for the third time, my mood plummeted again. I felt that the reviewers were deliberately embarrassing me.
I was angry and complained to people, didn't want to study, and watched videos and the news in the office every day. I wanted to break through this state and, once again, started transcribing the Fa.
As I was doing this, I suddenly understood what I’d done wrong during this period of time. After starting my Ph.D. studies, I’d always felt the advisor I’d chosen was not good enough to supervise me.
Seeing that my classmates had bought new homes, I complained that my parents were incapable, that they didn't give me enough money, and so on.
This was all jealousy mixed with the attachments of admiring people with high status and wanting to take shortcuts.
After getting rid of these unrighteous thoughts and looking back on this experience again, I realized that my parents, advisor, and even the reviewers were all helping me improve my character. My complaints about them had to do with not believing in Master and the Fa. I always wanted to come out on top at all costs.
When I saw that others had published their articles and their projects were progressing, I blamed myself and the advisor. That was the attachment of jealousy and being arrogant.
I often thought I deserved the best and that I should be better than everyone else. Since I was little, I was very jealous due to the influence of my environment.
When others asked me questions, I was often afraid they would surpass me, so I would choose not to answer the questions directly, or tell them I did not know the answers.
Master said: “If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit—absolutely not.” (Lecture Seven in Zhuan Falun)
Therefore, when sending forth righteous thoughts, I would focus on eliminating jealousy. For a while, I thought I had completely gotten rid of it. Only then did I realize my jealousy was still hidden. In the past, I surpassed others in study, so my jealousy did not show itself.
When other people's achievements surpassed mine, my jealousy, arrogance, and tendency to despise others manifested.
In recalling my initial cultivation state, it was just like Master said:
“Therefore, he competes and fights all his life with a badly-wounded heart. He might feel very bitter and tired, always finding things unfair. Being unable to eat or sleep well, he feels sad and disappointed. When he gets older, he will end up in poor health and all kinds of illnesses will surface.” (Lecture Seven in Zhuan Falun)
After I started transcribing the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, and discovering my attachments such as lust, jealousy, resentment, and arrogance, my depression disappeared. My chest felt light, and I could smile again.
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Category: Improving Oneself
