(Minghui.org) I am the technical backbone of my company. As a Falun Dafa practitioner, I naturally avoid being greedy, try to give up self-interest and always try to consider others before myself. My boss appreciates my approach and trusts me. She always consults with me when the company has big decisions to make.
Identifying the Fear of Attachment
I inadvertently upset colleagues from another department at a meeting. I was worried afterwards and blamed myself. I felt full of guilt and disappointment, and my heart was painful. I guessed that Master had pushed my attachments to the surface, so I looked inward. I found the attachments of showing off, overeagerness, seeking fame, thinking highly of myself and defending myself. I also failed to guard my speech.
I sent righteous thoughts to get rid of the attachments. However, instead of getting better, my sad mood became heavier and the pain in my heart got worse. I felt worried and uneasy. I kept thinking to myself, “Why am I in such a painful state? What is the fundamental factor behind this situation?”
I realized that the main problem was fear. I was afraid of being slandered by colleagues behind my back. I wanted to uphold my good reputation, and my behavior was influenced by Chinese Communist Party culture. I immediately wanted to get rid of this attachment, but my heart still hurt. I kept asking Master in my mind, “Where did I go wrong? Please let me know and I will correct it.”
I had a meeting with a fellow practitioner, so I left work and got on the bus to her home. En route, I thought to myself, “Master, I can’t bring this bad mood to a fellow practitioner’s home. I have to get back on track as soon as possible!” I took a mental step back and tried to look at the situation calmly.
I saw why I was anxious. I was afraid that I would be driven by my attachments to do things that are not in line with the Fa, so I was always on the lookout and continually took precautions to avoid minor wrongdoings. My attachment was that I was scared of having an attachment!
Realizing this, I felt relaxed physically and mentally, and the pain in my heart instantly disappeared. My negative thinking and heavy worries also vanished! The bus arrived at its destination, and I walked happily to the fellow practitioner’s home.
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Category: Improving Oneself
