(Minghui.org) I have witnessed the preciousness of Falun Dafa and Master Li Hongzhi’s compassionate protection during my 21 years of cultivation. I appealed for the right to practice Falun Dafa in Beijing many times and have set up truth-clarification material production sites. I’ve hired lawyers to defend practitioners and visited different prisons in our province.
When I was arrested at the end of 2018, I went on a hunger strike. My entire body swelled up, and I was dying. Before I was released, I did something that a cultivator shouldn’t do. The day after I returned home, I woke up and felt that my entire body had collapsed.
When I was studying the Fa teachings that afternoon, I saw the swelling in my hands disappear like air going out of a balloon. When I looked at my body, it was the same; the swelling basically disappeared. The haze that enveloped me also disappeared, and there was light in front of me. Master saved me. I told Master I was wrong from the bottom of my heart.
After studying the Fa a lot and looking inward for more than two months, I picked up my pen to write to the police chief and national security team leader who participated in persecuting me. I told them about the beauty of Dafa and that it would harm them if they participated in the persecution. I also told them that I would cultivate Dafa firmly to the end. I signed my own name to the letters and sent them off. My daughter asked, “What if they come to arrest you?” I told her that it was important that they heard from me, that what I’d written to them was for their benefit.
Three days later, the police called me to come to their office. I didn’t go. I studied the Fa and sent righteous thoughts at home. When I studied the first lecture in Zhuan Falun, Master said:
“There is a transition at the lowest level of cultivation, and this is to purify your body completely. All of the bad things in your mind, the karmic field surrounding your body, and the elements that make your body unhealthy will be cleaned out.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
The phrase “will be cleaned out” jumped out at me. I was very sure that I was safe since Master had cleansed me. My husband went to the police station. He said they wanted me not to send letters everywhere.
More than one practitioner told me that it was my overall dependence that had caused my arrest and persecution. However, I knew that the root cause were my fundamental attachments, that is, lust, jealousy, and selfishness, which have not yet been completely removed.
Overview and Discussion of Attachments
In the beginning, my personal cultivation was relatively solid. I had many cultivation experiences working on Dafa projects. But due to my level, I didn’t have enough tolerance or compassion. I could not understand why fellow practitioners stumbled in a tribulation. I regarded things that they did that were not based on the Fa as interference to the project, and that attitude created a gap between us. Looking back, I now realize that I “offended” my fellow practitioners quite a bit. I would like to tell them all that I am very sorry. I also missed many opportunities to cultivate what Master had arranged.
I still have the attachment of lust, although I know I will not make a mistake in this regard. However, I still enjoy the feeling of being cared for. I even thought this was not a big deal.
Another attachment is jealousy of my fellow practitioners. Jealousy is a double-edged sword. It hurts both myself and others.
I have been cultivating for so many years; why haven’t I removed these human attachments? In the last couple of years, as the Fa-rectification moves forward, the requirements of the Fa are getting higher and higher. Yet even when one is aware of the human notion that has formed in one’s bones over thousands of years, it feels very hard to get rid of.
I didn’t put more effort into Fa study and getting rid of these human attachments with the power of the Fa. My human attachments that I harbored for a long time were the root cause for my being persecuted. A fellow practitioner told me a few times that I did not have enough virtue. Although these words were harsh and shocked me greatly, I knew he was right.
Through diligent Fa study, I discovered that self, jealousy, and lust are produced by selfishness. I saw that selfishness was like a stainless steel plate in my microscopic body, preventing me from further assimilating to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
When I first had that awareness of those around me, I was very conscientious. My speech didn’t hurt others; I didn’t like to take advantage of others; and I always made sure things suited others. I thought it was nice to be this way. Today, however, I realize that my being nice in this way was a kind of self-protection, a way of avoiding my being hurt by others. What was hidden behind my being considerate of others was a powerful selfishness and evil.
Master said,
“Shan is the manifestation of the nature of the universe at different levels and in different dimensions. It is also the fundamental nature of Great Enlightened Beings. Therefore, a cultivator must cultivate Shan and assimilate to the nature of the universe, Zhen-Shan-Ren.” (“A Brief Explanation of Shan,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
Reacting to Attachments
Sending righteous thoughts for a long period of time cleaned up those bad elements that did not conform to the Fa in my small universe from the macroscopic to the microscopic. In a dream I had, I cleaned the room, including all the corners.
My mother-in-law suffered a stroke. She is 89 years old. She couldn’t walk, but she was not confused or deaf. She was, however, very picky about what she ate and what she wore. My husband arranged for her to stay in the residence at his small factory located in the countryside. He told his three brothers and one sister that they did not need to worry about taking care of her.
Of course, one reason that he didn’t share the burden was to tie me down. I told him that, without question, I would help take care of his mother, but I still had to go out and awaken people’s consciences. I often distributed 200 truth-clarification materials to surrounding villages at one or two in the morning. I also tried my best to clarify the truth to people who came to the factory and then sent them truth-clarification brochures after they left.
Water at the factory was cut off in July due to a broken pipe, and there was no sewer at the factory, so I had to go outside to get water and it was harder to wash the dishes than at home. I asked my mother-in-law what she wanted to eat before every meal. I also had to make lunch for a few of the workers.
Within a month, many relatives and friends came to visit. My sisters-in-law and my husband’s sister came, and they made my mother-in-law very happy. My mother-in-law gave them gold bracelets and necklaces. I told my husband that, in that case, they should take her to their homes to care for her. As soon as I said this, I realized that I had developed jealousy and immediately wanted to eliminate it. I don’t want fame for taking care of my mother-in-law or any of her jewelry.
My mother-in-law needed my help to use the toilet. I had to take off and put on her pants and wash the bedpan. I tried my best to help her very calmly. However, I was reluctant in my heart. Almost every few days, there would be a substance stuck in my heart, and I wanted to let it out. I had to suppress it with the principles of the Fa. These human attachments are all matter, and they prevented me from assimilating to the Fa.
My daughter offered to drive me home. I told her I couldn’t leave as there was a cultivation factor here. It seemed as if it was very difficult, because my xinxing level was not up to the standard. I was determined to change my notions and force myself to do better.
One morning I didn’t hurry, as usual, to make breakfast. I told my mother-in-law to wash her face and then we would go out for some fun. I then used the same water that my mother-in-law used to wash my face. I combed her hair and then we went out to see the flowers in the woods and watch people fishing in the pond. When we came back sweaty, I washed my mother-in-law’s hair, picked up my towel, rinsed it in the water, and handed it to her. My mother-in-law smiled at me. I did these things with ease. Only then did I feel that things seemed small – I felt I’d passed this test. It was Master who cleaned up the matter for me.
After more than a month, the water pipe was fixed, and my husband asked his brother to take care of my mother-in-law.
As I was writing this experience sharing article, I went to the factory and happened to see my husband’s brother and his son discussing selling the cardboard boxes and other waste material in the factory. I wanted to ask if they had the right to sell those things, but I stopped, remembering that Master said:
“In this complicated environment of everyday people, you should be clear-minded and knowingly lose in terms of interests. When your vested interest is snatched away by others, you will not go to compete and fight for it like others. With different xinxing interference, you will suffer losses.” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun)
I should use the standard of the Fa to guide my thinking and truly walk the path to godhood.
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Category: Improving Oneself
