(Minghui.org) Through cultivation, I have found that every thought I have springs from some form of pursuit, yearning for things like money, fame, and emotion. I want this, and I am thinking about getting that. Every thought is greedy. However, the greedy heart of pursuit is hidden and hard to detect, because it is deeply ingrained. 

I realized after looking inward that I have been asking Master for many things every day. I was shocked by this discovery. I have asked Master for help with everything, from things at work to at home, and in cultivation. As soon as I ran into some difficulty, I asked Master for help. Isn't this equivalent to asking Master to cultivate for me? If Master cannot help me, wasn't I asking evil spirits to come? It has been like this for years. I have Master's portrait on the wall, and I thought my family and I were protected from evil. I have treated this pursuit as “believing in Master and the Fa.” How low my xinxing was.

Impatience

I cherish the time for cultivation and try to save all of my time to do the three things, so I became impatient when it came to doing housework or when I ran into trivial troubles in my daily life. In my mind, all of the trivialities of daily life were interference. When I encountered minor things, my heart seethed and I felt very impatient. This often led to feelings of hatred and competing against others. I was unable to calm down. I had been tortured by this impatience for many years, and stumbled in my cultivation because of it many times. I've now discovered that behind this impatience was ego and selfishness. I always thought the thing I was doing was the most important thing. But I didn't understand the essence of cultivation, assimilating Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, and prioritizing others. Only if one considers others is he truly cultivating. If one considers others, one's heart will become broad and any hatred will disappear. One's heart will be filled with benevolence and compassion. One will feel comfortable, everything will go smoothly, and impatience will also disappear. I realized that this is the true state of a cultivator. 

Delighting in Others' Suffering

Everyone knows that delighting in others' suffering is evil. It is caused by jealousy. I have experienced the harm it brings, and I dislike it very much. In cultivation, I saw that I had this problem too, and I wanted to eliminate it, but it was difficult. Sometimes I even felt that I could not control it. I now realize that I had always treated it as a bad notion of mine and tried to get rid of it. That is why it was so hard. Actually this tendency is not me, so it cannot be controlled by me. I was shocked when I realized that this tendency is the manifestation of a demon. The realization brought me to tears. I then saw the demon and it had fear. It was not me. It relies on another being, a demonic being with jealousy. When I came to realize this, the being was scared because it knew it would be eliminated. I am exposing it here, and I will send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it every day until it is completely gone.

Eliminating Evil Spirits

I thought that once I quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), I would be free from the evil spirit of the Party. I didn't even read Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. In recent years, I have submitted experience sharing articles to the Minghui.org website, but they were never accepted. I was disappointed. I thought, “I am good at writing and I've cultivated for many years. Why are my articles never accepted?” I have helped fellow practitioners write articles, but they were not accepted either. I had thought the fellow practitioners' stories were very touching, so why didn't I do a good job in writing them?

I have read many sharing articles over the past few years, and have often been touched to tears. The simple language and plain words manifested Dafa disciples' forbearance and diligent cultivation, and this is the essence that touches readers' hearts. 

I gradually saw the difference between their articles and mine—it was the difference that came from solid cultivation.

I have cultivated for 20 years, and I had thought that I was compassionate, but other people could not sense it. I cried when I realized this. I calmly looked inward and saw that I was deeply influenced by the evil Party indoctrination. I had unknowingly formed a lot of habits, from the time I was a small child, under the evil Party's brainwashing. I thought I was compassionate and had a foundation in traditional culture, so I didn't even read Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. Actually, I was far from meeting the standards of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. From my thoughts, to my speech and behavior, there were many elements of the evil Party culture's deceitfulness, viciousness, and competitiveness. I would like to expose these elements below. I will disintegrate them with righteous thoughts. 

Deceitfulness: What I say is not always the same as what I think. I want to communicate with people honestly, but I am often worried about offending them and then try to protect myself. 

I don't take my words seriously. I once clarified the truth to people at a bus stop. A person asked me which bus I was waiting for. I casually gave him an answer. Right after I answered him, that bus came. I had to get on the bus, because of what I had said. I then got off two stops later. 

When I am talking to a group of everyday people, I often casually say things to go along with their lies, forgetting that I am a cultivator. 

Viciousness: I was very jealous and have often looked down on others. I also tried to control other people. When I felt mad, I would use a harsh tone to blame others, manifesting my demon nature. I complained about people when their ways of doing things did not fit in with how I would approach the situation they were facing.

Competitiveness: I often interrupted others and liked to argue with others. I always wanted to win in everyday life. I felt that other people should listen to me, because I am good at everything, and I am always right. I refused to admit my mistakes and refused to apologize. During my cultivation, I have also used this competitive mentality to eliminate attachments. I hated it when I did poorly or didn't have a strong mind. That hatred is a manifestation of human notions. 

I also made mistakes due to the Party culture's influence on me. When I tried to convince people to quit the Party, to make them accept my words, I often told them that I used to be a member, and something like “You and I joined it because we were good workers.” Sometimes, when I said those words, I even felt that being a member was an honor—I was a member because I am excellent, and the reason I quit is that the Party persecutes Falun Gong, and I don't want to go down with it. It seemed I thought the Party had been good before, but became bad later. I even told Party members, “Even if a good person kills someone, he will be punished.” This sentence shows that I subconsciously thought the Party was good. I was deceived by the evil spirit of the Party, and failed to see that the evil Party's nature is the demon that the old forces use to destroy humanity. Constantly telling people that I had joined the Party gave energy to the evil spirit, and the opportunity to exist in my field. I must completely get rid of such thoughts. 

Not Following Feelings

Everyday people follow their feelings in daily life. All of the feelings they experience, including joy and bitterness, spring from attachments to the pursuit of fame, money, and emotion.

It's difficult to eliminate attachments if you follow your feelings. At the surface level, you may try hard to put down your attachments, but fail to pass the real tests. Only if you rationally understand the reason why you should put down those attachments and how to truly put them down, will you be able to put them down. 

I realized that a cultivator should not follow feelings, and a cultivator's heart should not be moved. A cultivator should not develop thoughts about liking or disliking something. We should not be attached to anything. We do not pursue or avoid anything in this dimension. We just follow the course of nature. Following our feelings will make us develop notions and enhance our attachments. 

Our Cultivation Relates to Sentient Beings' Fates 

I have seen the horrific scene of sentient beings being eliminated. People in ancient costumes were queuing up crying. The front rows were women and children, and seniors were in the middle. The lines were too long to see the end. The group was walking toward a river. After a short pause, they started to walk into the river, and then disappeared into the water. Nobody had forced them, but the people didn't stop. They were all crying. I heard a male voice, “Since she didn't cultivate well, many of her beings were eliminated.” At that moment, my heart was pained. I cried and woke up. 

I saw this scene many years ago. It allowed me to understand that my cultivation state is related to many lives. I would betray them if I didn't cultivate well, and they would face destruction.

Who Is Cultivating?

For a long time, I often blamed myself for not doing certain things well. I would call my own name and scold myself harshly, “Why didn't you do well? You should have done such and such.” In recent years, I have realized that it is inappropriate, because it seemed that a different person was cultivating for me. When I talked to myself, why did I call myself “You”? Who is this life that calls me “You”? I realized that this thought had made me unable to see my true self. It had deceived me for many years. 

I recall that Master has told us to cultivate ourselves, and:

“Whoever Practices Cultivation Attains Gong.” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun, 2000 edition)

These words sound simple, but the meaning is very profound. How do we cultivate if we cannot see ourselves? I nowtruly see that the assistant consciousness really exists with me in the same body. Master told us: 

“The old forces have arranged for all Dafa disciples a set of their things, so if a Dafa disciple doesn’t follow Master’s requirements, he must be following the old forces’ arrangements.” (“Be Clearheaded,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress, Vol. III)

“In the past, what each cultivation way cultivated was the subordinate soul,” (“Fa Teaching in Manhattan,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)

The old forces' wisdom is limited. We have learned from the Fa that Master wants to save our main consciousnesses. Master constantly tells us to look inward and cultivate ourselves.

When I try to encourage myself these days, I think, “My main consciousness controls my thoughts and body. I should do well and follow Master's teachings.” I often enhance these thoughts when reading the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, and doing the exercises. I have gradually found myself. I have started to cultivate my true self, and I have started to see changes in my cultivation.

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Category: Improving Oneself