(Minghui.org) I returned to practicing Falun Gong (also called Falun Dafa) at the end of January 2020. I was born in the 1990s into a practitioner's home. At the age six, I started practicing Falun Gong with my mother. When the persecution began on July 20, 1999, she was taken to a brainwashing center and persecuted. I lost my mother and my cultivation environment. When she was released and resumed cultivation, I moved away to attend college.
In my mind I always knew that Dafa was good, but the secular world was too dazzling for me to resist. I landed a job after graduation. When I visited my mother, she urged me to read Zhuan Falun and Master's other lectures, as well as articles from the Minghui website. I did it superficially, hoping for protection from Dafa. As soon as I went back to my own environment, I became an everyday person again.
I fell sick in December 2019. I was constantly coughing, felt dizzy, and would experience fatigue after walking a few steps. I went to see a doctor and was told I had some infection, which would go away after taking medicine. I took a lot of medicine but I didn’t get better.
The media started saying that the Wuhan virus was passing from person to person in January 2020. My coworkers were scared to be around me. I was scared too but didn't panic. I thought, “I’ve read Zhuan Falun, and seen the Shen Yun show. I'm looked after by righteous gods, and won't succumb so easily. Bottom line is, I can quit my job and practice cultivation at home.” This thought soon became a reality.
Witnessing the Power of Dafa
Due to the epidemic, my company decided to furlough employees in waves. I was keen on the idea and applied to be in the first wave. While waiting for approval, I studied Zhuan Falun and did the exercises on my own.
I still remembered all the exercise movements, but I couldn't hold the wheel for more than 10 minutes, and I could only sit in the single lotus position with my knee up in the air.
Two days later, my dizziness was gone and I regained some energy. I still had a dry cough but it was much improved. I knew Master had begun cleansing my body so I could become healthy again. Thank you, Master!
Dafa is really amazing. I was hooked on studying and practicing. Master created a cultivation environment for me. For example, typically two employees have to share a hotel room on business trips but on this particular business trip, I got a room all to myself for seven nights.
During those nights, I experienced a lot of interference. I was sleepy all the time, could never get enough sleep, and experienced sleep apnea. In addition, I often dreamed of bathrooms so filthy and stinky that I woke up retching.
During the business trip, I met a coworker who enjoyed chatting with me. He talked about the epidemic, and even Falun Gong. He said, when he was little, he had a neighbor who practiced Falun Gong. The neighbor often knocked on their door and tried to persuade them to quit the Communist Party, the Communist Youth League and the Young Pioneers. The coworker said the neighbor was so annoying and ridiculous that they reported him to the police. He even bragged about how much “bonus” money they could get for reporting a Falun Gong practitioner.
I was dumbfounded. The kind of person I absolutely despised was sitting right next to me. Another coworker said he’d heard the neighbor had been beaten in prison. I was so sad, and wondered how I should respond.
I didn’t have much confidence as I’d only practiced for a few days, but a thought popped in my mind: “If you dare not speak justice for Falun Gong, are you worthy to be my disciple?”
I made up my mind and said, “It would not stop at the beating. My family also practice Falun Gong. My mother was hung on a beam for more than half a year, and suffered all kinds of torture.” I then told him that the “Tiananmen Square Self-immolation” was staged, and about the wicked Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) lies. He had a guilty expression on his face, and said that he didn’t know any of this.
I had no worry or fear after the conversation, and felt a sense of relief. From then on, I never dreamed of bathrooms again. I began to fly in my dreams.
Officially Returning to Dafa
My furlough application was approved, and I started focusing on cultivation at home. On the first day, I attempted holding the wheel for an hour. When my arms were too tired to hold the last position, I felt Master lifting my arms. I was moved to tears. While doing the fifth exercise, I sat in the full lotus position in great pain with tears flowing down my face for 40 minutes.
I was very diligent those days and read a lot, including Zhuan Falun and Collected Fa Teachings. I read day and night, and finished 40 books within two weeks.
My health fully recovered and I no longer experienced the dry cough but I still could not get up at three a.m. to do the exercises. One morning between three and four a.m., I suddenly woke up. I heard footsteps approaching from a distance. Step by step, they became clearer and clearer. I broke out in a cold sweat, because the being appeared to stop right in front of my face. I thought, “It's over. My creditor is claiming his debt now.”
I remember Master said:
“There is another form of demonic interference. You know that through qigong practice our Celestial Eye can open. With the Celestial Eye open, some people may see some frightening scenes or scary faces while practicing qigong at home.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
“This is a form of demonic interference. In our Falun Dafa school, however, this case is very rarely seen. Perhaps it happens to one out of a hundred people. Most people will not encounter this situation.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I thought, “I'm so unlucky, running into demonic interference when it’s so unlikely to occur.” I kept my eyes closed, pretending I was sleeping.
I told my mother about this after I got up. She said I should send forth righteous thoughts – if the being was good it would not matter, and if he was bad he would go away.
The next morning, at the exact same time, I suddenly woke up again. I thought to myself, “What happened? Is he here again?” He came as expected.
He approached me in my right ear, and walked towards me from the left corner of the comforter; I removed the comforter, and let my ears touch nothing. He yelled my name in a very clear voice. I was spooked and sat up, then did the five sets of exercises.
After the exercises, I told my mother, “He came again. I sent forth righteous thoughts and he did not leave.” She said, “Maybe he’s sent here to wake you up so you can do the exercises.” I agreed with her because the being’s voice was very pleasant.
For a period of time, the being came to wake me up at three a.m. every day. I was very cooperative and got up to practice immediately. I relied on him and did not set an alarm clock, until some days later when he stopped coming.
Advancing More Diligently
My days were filled with Fa study and the exercises, as well as many xinxing tests in my dreams. I was tense and realized that cultivation was not child's play. I understood that Master wanted me to catch up.
I told my mother I wanted to awaken people’s consciences. She arranged for me to join two practitioners in distributing truth-clarification materials the following week. I was a little nervous, but was certain that I wanted to do it.
That day arrived. I knelt before Master's portrait, and asked for Master's strengthening as well as the support from other righteous gods. I put on a hat and face mask and set out.
Many residential complexes were very tightly controlled, and one must have paperwork to get in and out. We found an older residential complex, and sneaked in through a gap in the side entrance.
The buildings were only partially occupied, and had no elevators. The practitioners told me to leave materials only if it was obvious that someone lived there, for example, if the doorway was clean, or there was a shoe mat. I found it very easy, so I distributed materials to apartments from the top floor down, unit by unit.
I ran into people opening doors or talking on cellphones, but I was not afraid and kept giving out Dafa materials. They were not bothered either.
After six or seven units, I was a little tired so I began giving out materials on the streets. I offered the brochures, and no one questioned me. People accepted them and thanked me. Some asked, “Is this Buddhism? I believe in Buddhism.” I said, “It is the Buddha school saving people. It’s good for you. Read it and have your family read it too. You will be blessed.” I gave most of my materials out this way.
When I had only one copy left, I wanted to give it to someone young because they have been most deceived and are least likely to be saved. I approached a luxury car in which two young people sat in the back but they refused the brochure. I offered it to those in the front and they refused it too. I thought, “Let it be. Business people only pursue self-interest, and have no spiritual potential.”
After finding a lot of excuses, I saw a young man doing express delivery. I sent forth righteous thoughts, and approached him. He took the brochure. The other practitioners helped clarified the facts to him, and he accepted it.
On our way home, the other practitioners said I did a great job but I did not agree because I did not clarify the facts face-to-face, nor did I learn how to do that.
Upon arriving home, I greeted Master’s picture. Master was smiling. I got closer to look, and Master was definitely smiling at me.
After dinner, I read Minghui Weekly. There was an article exposing a criminal who raped a female Dafa practitioner. I found it inconceivable, and asked my mother about it. She told me about even more cruel accounts. I was shocked, and began to feel scared.
I started to feel that my mother was not paying enough attention to cellphone safety. For example, when we were talking about Dafa projects or reading the Fa, I often found her cellphone right next to her.
Thinking that this might lead to the CCP eavesdropping on our conversations, I began to shake and knelt in front of Master's portrait asking for strengthening. But it did not work, my legs were too weak to stand up. I sat leaning against the wardrobe, overwhelmed by human thoughts.
My mother was short-tempered. She saw my disappointing behavior and did not want to comfort me. She told me to find the answers in Zhuan Falun. I randomly flipped to a page which read:
“He understood at once, “It was Teacher who protected me!”” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
“My fashen will protect you until you are able to protect yourself. At that time, you will practice cultivation in Beyond-Triple-World-Fa, and you will have already achieved the Tao. But you must treat yourself as a true practitioner, and then you can make it.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
I asked myself over and over again, “Can you treat yourself as a genuine practitioner?” I could not give myself a clear answer. I became more and more scared and stayed up very late. I thought, “I might as well call it quits. What could happen is too terrible.”
Early next morning, the being who used to wake me up every day came again. I told him, “Don't wake me any more. My legs are too weak to get up.” He was very anxious and kept knocking. I refused to cooperate. I did not get up until late. Master’s picture looked at me very seriously. I thought, “It's not my fault. My mother is too casual with safety.”
I began to suffer hardships for almost 20 days after that.
Letting Go of the Attachment to Fear
From then on, as if I was justified, I picked on my mother constantly and blamed her for not being considerate of me. I fought with her a lot. She’s forgetful as she’s no longer young. I blamed her instead of making up for her shortcomings.
If I saw her misplace her cellphone or leave the door ajar, I became very upset. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got and all kinds of human thoughts surfaced. Every day I thought about quitting cultivation practice. I felt I had no choice, and no one cared about my safety.
The old forces were delighted and kept putting ridiculous messages in my head, even telling me to practice a demonic cultivation way. My mind was messy with all kinds of human thoughts. I slacked off as a result. I would stop doing the exercises and going to group Fa-study for a few days following a fight with my mother.
Even though my knowing side continued to read the Fa, my heart was not in it. I thought, “When the Fa rectifies the human world, spare me from destruction because I’m studying the Fa now. Therefore, I am not letting down sentient beings in my world.” I even wanted to go back to work and make money, because staying at home was boring.
Many days passed like this. Sometimes I fought and sometimes I was clear-headed, but most of the time I was controlled by demonic nature. When jealousy surfaced, I said very bad things. I knew it was over and wanted to quit even more. I told myself, “You're not worthy.” I knew I had let Master down, and apologized to Master. I even slapped myself, but I was repeatedly taken over by my demonic side.
One morning, I got up clear-headed. I told myself, “Wasn’t all this fuss from the fear you developed after distributing materials that day? Get up from where you fell. Do it again today, and start from scratch.”
I asked Master to strengthen me. and sent forth righteous thoughts, shaking. I put on a hat and mask, and even a wig. I picked a tall building, and began giving out materials from the top floor down. I was constantly sending forth righteous thoughts. I did not run into anyone opening the door this time.
After I finished, I praised myself all the way home to prevent fear from resurfacing. When I got home, I felt relieved when I saw Master smiling again.
I began contacting my friends and classmates to do face-to-face truth-clarification, to persuade them to quit the CCP and its youth organizations. After chatting for several hours, I finally had someone agree to quit the organizations.
Even though my cultivation state was unstable and negative episodes happened again, it was better than last time. I decided to go back to group Fa study.
The night before group Fa study, I was irritated by my mother and again said, “I don't want to cultivate any more.” I even planned on telling on her to other practitioners, and having them criticize her as a way to “help her improve.” I wanted to vent.
At the group Fa study, after practitioners arrived, the positive energy flushed my bad thoughts away. A few sentences in a conversation helped me realize I was over-thinking things. I found myself very petty and did not want to mention those things again.
My mother shared her understanding. She mentioned my recent state and her shortcomings. I suddenly felt so wronged and began complaining about her again, and said, “I cannot cultivate if she continues to behave like this.”
Another practitioners said immediately, “Silly child, don't say this so casually. The old forces will use your words against you, and argue with Master. The fact that you were able to start cultivating at this late stage is because you have been especially approved of by Master. Do not betray Master’s merciful salvation.”
The practitioners helped me untie my knots and dissolve my conflicts. Three of them did not leave until it was dark.
After the sharing, my heart was bright and my body was light. I no longer had any fear. As I was leaving, they said, “Look at your face. It was sullen when you came, now it’s glowing.” I finally passed the test, but it took too long.
Upon getting home. I immediately ran into two small xinxing tests. I calmed down and thought them through. I changed my temper and passed them.
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