(Minghui.org) Some recent incidents alarmed me about how filthy and strong the attachment to lust can be. I would like to expose this attachment, completely uproot it, and make overdue corrections.
Facing My Husband’s Affair with Rationality
I moved my elderly parents into my extra apartment so that we could take better care of them. My sister and I took turns caring for them. After my brother passed away, my sister-in-law moved in with my parents last December.
One of my family members told me that she suspected my husband had developed an inappropriate relationship with my sister-in-law. I didn’t believe it, until I saw it.
One day, my sister-in-law came to my home, and asked us to take a photo of her for some paperwork. I had something to do in another room. When I came back, I was shocked by what I saw. My husband had his face very close to my sister-in-law’s face. My heart started pounding. As soon as he saw me, my husband immediately left the room. My sister-in-law looked uneasy. To give her an out, I said, “I’ll take the photograph.”
After taking her picture, I told her calmly, “You’ve probably heard about your brother-in-law’s character. Treasure yourself. Such things cost virtue. It concerns one’s health and happiness, even though most people don’t believe it.” I did not want to embarrass her—instead, I was concerned about her.
Master told us,
“If you always keep a compassionate heart, and a peaceful state of mind, when you run into problems you’ll handle them well because it will give you space as a buffer. If you are always compassionate and friendly to others, if you always consider other people when you do things, and whenever you have issues with other people you first think about whether they can take it or whether it will cause them harm, then you won’t have any problem.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I told myself to stay calm and the situation would turn in the right direction, because she and her family have predestined relationships with Falun Dafa. Despite the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) propaganda, she has never opposed Falun Dafa. Every time she and her daughters came to visit, I shared some truth clarification materials with them. All of them agreed with the information in the flyers. I should remember that I’m saving sentient beings, and handle the incident with rationality.
Correcting Myself Before Correcting My Husband
Even though the incident passed peacefully, it wasn’t easy for me to get rid of my attachment. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, or forget what I saw. It was so hard to rein in my thoughts that I couldn’t concentrate while studying the Fa. My jealousy, lust, and grievances emerged.
I thought I had eliminated my lust, so how could I still have strong jealousy, and even feel disgust, unfairness, anger, and resentment? These feelings surprisingly triggered filthy lust. I was alarmed. I thought I had been doing well over the past ten years.
Nothing is accidental for a cultivator. I asked myself why this happened. Reflecting on myself, I found that my own dimension was impure. I still had lust. I decided to correct myself first before I corrected my husband.
A fellow practitioner happened to share a USB drive with audio recordings of experience sharing articles on the topic of cultivating one’s character and eliminating lust. The more I listened to them, the more I found them perfect for my cultivation state. I listened to them about ten times. I felt there was a big gap between the authors of those articles and myself.
It dawned on me that it was my own lust that invited the interference. I was grateful that Master had arranged for the incident to happen! My attachment wouldn’t have been exposed otherwise. I also realized how pitiful my family members were. They were lost in this degenerate world. I felt bad for dragging them down because I failed to eliminate my lust.
My grievances and aversion were completely gone. I decided to share a few articles with my husband. He has poor hearing, so I adjusted the volume on the MP3 player. He listened to the recordings until late at night. I thought he had fallen asleep, but when I asked if he was asleep, and tried to take his earphones off, he said, “No,” and continued to listen.
I said, “You can see how Master has taught us practitioners to walk a righteous path. You used to believe the lies about Dafa, and said insulting words about Master and practitioners. Do you know that you committed sins? You can tell from these sharing articles how cultivators handle such things differently from ordinary people.
“If I didn’t cultivate myself according to Dafa’s principles, I would probably struggle like you do. Doesn’t the pleasure of ordinary people also bring trouble and pain? See, you’ve had problems with your nose, eyes, ears, and throat recently, and took a lot of medicine. I hope you will correct your inappropriate behavior, and become more responsible for yourself and others. I hope you will read Zhuan Falun, which would truly help you.”
My husband didn’t say a word. He listened to the sharing articles for two nights in a row. He must have been touched and felt bad. I noticed that he didn’t need to take any medicine in the following days.
Exposing and Uprooting My Lust
I seriously reflected on myself after hearing the audio recording of fellow practitioners’ sharing articles.
Before I began practicing Falun Dafa I did some things that were too embarrassing to mention. I wanted a perfect marriage. I wasn’t happy with my husband, and I decided to divorce him. I was very grateful when I met the man of my dreams. Both of us felt fortunate to meet each other. We agreed to divorce our spouses after we retired so that we could get married. Thinking we would eventually become husband and wife, we felt justified about our affair. Looking back, I realized that I fell due to my attachment. Because I hadn’t started practicing yet, I did not know that the affair was arranged by the old forces.
Fortunately, I learned Falun Dafa right before my retirement, and my view about life completely changed. The very afternoon I received the video and audio tapes of Master’s lectures, Master eradicated the degenerate materials in my mind. It was an incredible experience. I felt that divine power was so strong that no temptations could ever make me waiver. After watching the lecture series, I decided not to divorce.
However, I failed to see through the old forces’ persecution under the excuse of my lust. I encountered interference many times. The shadow of my embarrassing affair emerged in my mind every time I fought lust. I thought it was too hard to completely cut off this relationship, and stayed connected with the man while pretending to refuse. It was mentally exhausting.
I was eventually abducted by the police, and thrown into a forced labor camp for spreading Master’s scripture. I couldn’t identify the real cause of the persecution, but hated the police who persecuted me. It wasn’t until after I was released that I read Master’s teaching on the topic of extramarital affairs. I felt ashamed. My behavior insulted and smeared Dafa. I decided on the spot to thoroughly correct my wrong actions. Words can’t described how relieved I felt after making this decision!
Lingering Lust
I have been strict with myself in the past years. No matter how tempted, I always kindly advised the man to stop this relationship. What I chose to do reflected the righteous power of Dafa. Even though this test sometimes was not lighter than a test of life and death, I stood firmly on the principles of Dafa again and again.
My understanding on the issue of lust lingered at a low level however. I thought I eliminated lust and passed the test, since I ended the relationship. But I didn’t look within any further despite the various interference for a long period of time.
Compared to the authors of these articles, I found other forms of lust that I hadn’t been aware of. For example, I often made judgments—that this man or that man was good. Bad thoughts flashed through my mind occasionally, including when I clarified the truth about Dafa.
I once clarified the truth to a nice-looking man in a market. He appeared to agree with what I said. We talked for a long time, and even shook hands. Even though I didn’t have any inappropriate thoughts, I knew that I wouldn’t have shaken hands with other people. Because he was good looking, I started talking to him. This was because of my lust. It was inappropriate. Actually, the fellow practitioner who went to clarify the truth with me pointed out that I shouldn’t have shaken hands with the man. Master has seriously taught us a lot on this topic.
I have stumbled and fallen many times in the past 20 years of cultivation. I often dozed off during meditation and Fa study. I have suffered injuries to my foot and arm. I experienced one interference after another.
Master taught us,
“Any time some kind of interference comes along in your practice, you have to look within for the cause and find what it is you still haven’t let go of.” (The Sixth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I have looked within in vain. Thanks to Master’s painstaking arrangement, I finally realized that I had been breeding my lust, which invited the old forces’ persecution. Now that it’s exposed, I have to eliminate it without leaving a chance for any lust.
I started sending forth righteous thoughts five minutes before the scheduled time, eliminating all degenerate materials in my dimension, especially the demon of lust. I also extended the length of time I sent righteous thoughts, and I increased the number of times each day.
I can tell that my righteous thoughts have become more powerful. I am dozing off less and less. My health also improved. I used to have difficulty straightening my body due to the injury on my heel, but I can now straighten my body. I finished drafting this article two nights ago. When I got up to send forth righteous thoughts and study the Fa the next morning, my mind was very clear. Doing the second exercise has become easy. I know that Master has compassionately eradicated the lust that lingered for years.
The above is my understanding. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
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Category: Improving Oneself
