(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1996. Due to the CCP’s (Chinese Communist Party) persecution of Falun Dafa, my husband could not bear the pressure and divorced me in 2000. I was in my 30s at the time and have remained single ever since.
I recently read several Minghui articles advising men and women to behave prudently in their interactions. I thought they were insightful and would like to share my personal experiences in this regard. Please point out anything improper.
Male and Female Practitioners Should Behave Prudently in Their Interactions
One afternoon in 2008, I went to the home of a fellow practitioner, Lin (an alias), to deliver truth-clarification materials, including Minghui Weekly. I had just quit my job, so I stayed and chatted with him. Lin’s wife came back and saw us sitting on the couch. She was upset and said, “Why aren’t the lights on?” It was 3 or 4 in the afternoon, and the living room had just started to get dark.
I left Lin’s house and looked inward all the way home, “What did I do wrong and why did that happen?”
Lin was the Falun Dafa volunteer coordinator at my workplace, and we never lost contact even after the persecution began in 1999. He retired several years ago. Another practitioner regularly brought me Minghui Weekly and other materials to pass on to Lin because I worked near his home.
I usually met Lin at a bus stop before I went to work. This time, Lin asked me to come to his home since I had just quit my job. I felt terrible that Lin’s wife misunderstood me. I asked myself, “How could this happen when I was doing such a righteous thing as delivering truth-clarification materials?”
One day, fellow practitioner Hua (an alias) told me something that struck me. Several practitioners were working on a Dafa project at a male practitioner’s house. They left one by one, leaving just the host and a female practitioner.
When they’d finished the job, the female practitioner was ready to leave, but the male practitioner thought it was unsafe for her on her own and said, “It’s so late. Feel free to stay here tonight. I live alone anyway. You can sleep in that room, I will sleep in this room. We are both practitioners. Don’t worry, nothing will happen.”
The female practitioner thought about it for a moment but decided to leave anyway. She took a taxi home. As soon as she opened the door, Master showed her a vision that implied that if she had stayed at the male practitioner’s house, even if nothing happened, she would have fallen a significant level.
Master said,
“The boy and girl students in the performing arts troupe normally aren’t allowed to just casually intermingle. Also, because they are so young, they are strictly forbidden from dating. Other Dafa disciples need to pay attention to these same issues.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. VIII)
“Other Dafa disciples need to pay attention to these same issues.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. VIII)
I came to understand that men and women are not to have casual interactions with each other. Friendship between a man and a woman is a deviated concept of the modern age. The ancients taught that men and women are not to give things to each other directly.
I came to understand it was actually inappropriate for a male practitioner and a female practitioner to pass things to each other long-term like this and spend time alone; it does not conform to traditional culture. Gods can see it clearly. It can also easily cause others to misunderstand and develop negative impressions of Dafa.
The ancients taught that men and women should behave prudently in their interactions and that a man and a woman cannot be alone together. If I were Lin’s wife, how would I feel if I saw my husband alone with another woman in a dark room? Wouldn’t this create a misunderstanding? Didn’t I inadvertently harm Lin’s wife?
I understood that we are in the process of Fa-rectification cultivation and are charged with the mission of saving sentient beings. We must walk our paths righteously and do things with consideration for others so that they can understand us and accept Dafa. Otherwise, we may be pushing people away.
Moreover, we are cultivating among everyday people and still have human emotions. If we fail to walk our paths righteously and behave indecently in this regard, the old forces may exploit our gaps and strengthen our attachments to sentiment, sexual desire, and lust.
I continued to look inward and found that, because Lin attended Master’s lectures in person and had a firm belief in and clear understanding of the Fa, I envied and trusted him and had a good opinion of him. Aren’t envy and good opinions emotions? Isn’t admiring the opposite gender part of the attachment to emotion?
This incident was a real stick warning for me. I immediately shared my understanding with Lin and suggested I stop interacting with him alone. I arranged for other practitioners to get the Minghui Weekly and other materials to him in the future.
From then on, I began to pay more attention to this and avoided interacting with male practitioners alone. When I had to meet with them, I insisted on having a third person present. I held a Fa study group in my house and those who came included male practitioners. After this incident, I stopped inviting male practitioners, since I was a single woman.
Interactions Between Relatives
I later found a job at a privately-owned company. One day, a college graduate was hired and he had the same last name as mine. After we talked, I learned he was my nephew and was from my hometown. I clarified the truth to him and successfully persuaded him to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations.
The company owner’s wife and I were the same age, but my nephew addressed her as “Sister,” because it made her feel young and she liked to be addressed that way.
One day, my nephew told me in private that he wanted to address me as “Sister” in the presence of the company owner or the owner’s wife. I was stunned and thought it was inappropriate, but I was too kind to say no, thinking he might be afraid of embarrassing the owner’s wife if he addressed me as his aunt, although he could address me by my title.
One weekend, I prepared a few dishes and invited my nephew for dinner. After he left I suddenly started to develop a fever. I hadn’t had a fever in years, so I realized there must be something wrong in my cultivation.
I looked inward and realized I should not have invited my nephew to my house. The ancients taught that men and women should behave prudently in their interactions, and not be alone together. I was single. Even though he was my relative, being alone together was still inappropriate; besides, it could encourage affections and cause rumors.
I realized that, as a practitioner, I must be strict with myself, especially when it comes to sentiment and lust. I realized I had to avoid providing a breeding ground for attachments and giving the evil an opportunity to take advantage.
I looked inward, studied the Fa carefully, sent forth righteous thoughts, and the fever was soon gone.
One day, the word “incest” suddenly came into my head and startled me.
Master said,
“The altered notions then look at things with the mentality instilled by the wicked Party’s culture. Completely casting aside human thinking and human culture, [as the Party has had people do,] amounts to becoming a deviant being and a part of those who are to be weeded out. Five thousand years of Chinese culture laid the foundation for all of mankind’s culture, ways of thinking, and ways of behaving, and it was gods that systematically created all of it. Yet it has been ruined, wrecked, by a wicked Party that has been propped up by the old forces.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. VIII)
“The most lamentable are modern youth, whose heads are completely infused with the modern ideas of the wicked CCP, and yet these persons think they are great and that they see through everything. They mistakenly think that the chaotic state of people’s relationships, value systems, and ethical relations--itself the result of the CCP’s having deliberately ruined those things--is how mankind has always been throughout history, and they think it’s human instinct to act that way.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. VIII)
I came to understand that Falun Dafa practitioners are Fa disciples who assist Master to do Fa-rectification. By our upright behavior we correct everything that is incorrect, intercept and put a stop to the world’s descent.
The fact that my nephew addressed me as “Sister” was not in line with traditional values and was against ancient ethics and morality. Mankind’s ethics and morals were prescribed by gods. Things such as immoral behavior and incest violate them. This behavior is deviant and gods will eliminate them.
How could I accept being addressed improperly? The old forces were trying to make me accept their warped ideas while I was not paying attention and then use that as an excuse to destroy me.
Thank you, Master, for your compassionate enlightenment! Cultivation is indeed serious. I must be strict with my every thought, word, and act.
My nephew was later assigned to provide technical support in another city.
Interactions Between Colleagues
I worked as a janitor in 2014. I found a pair of leather sandals that were in good condition but had been tossed in the garbage. Thinking it would be a waste to throw them away, I gave them to a male coworker. Afterward, I clarified the truth to him and helped him withdraw from the three major communist organizations.
One day, a woman came to look for one of my coworkers but couldn’t find him. She complained to me that someone had implied she was a “broken shoe” (loose woman). After she left I thought, “Why did I hear that? Did I do something wrong?” Then I remembered the sandals and realized I’d handled the situation inappropriately.
Master said,
“...A focus on charitable works is still action,...”(“Inaction,” Hong Yin)
I remembered a question Master answered:
“Disciple: There are a lot of young disciples among those doing media work. Because they haven’t figured out the appropriate degree of intimacy between men and women, it has made their own cultivation and things around them highly unstable.
Master: This is really something to watch out for. If Dafa disciples don’t do well in this regard, if they can’t pass this test, or if they have not walked their own path well, then they have disgraced both themselves and Dafa disciples as a whole.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the NTDTV Meeting,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX)
I came to understand that, although practitioners are kindhearted, they should not do that kind of thing. The ancients taught that men and women should behave prudently in their interactions, and they are not to give things to each other with their own hands. The way I handled the situation was inappropriate and might lead others to misunderstand.
I realized my behavior did not conform to correct etiquette and I did not walk my path righteously. No wonder my coworker often looked for opportunities to talk to me during breaks. It was all caused by my own wrongdoing.
I looked inward and found the root cause of this matter was self-interest. Wasn’t my thought “What a waste” an attachment to material gain? No loss no gain. On the surface, it was good that he got a pair of shoes for free, but, in fact, he had to exchange virtue for them. I handled this matter from a human point of view, therefore, I got myself into trouble.
From then on, I gathered the clothes and items I found and put them in a pile, and invited my coworkers to pick and choose what they wanted. I donated what was left.
Interactions Between Friends
In a vivid dream one night, I saw a man and a woman. The woman held a bowl of food in each hand and gave one of them to the man. I said out loud, “These two must have a relationship!” I woke up as soon as I said that.
I thought, “So when a man and a woman eat alone together, others might think they are in a relationship. That is so serious, why didn’t I see it before? What is this trying to tell me? Is there something I did wrong without realizing it?”
I remembered in 2017 I was having my house renovated. Because the gas and utilities in my house were shut off, I had to go out and eat. For two days, only one man was there working. Out of kindness I took each one out to lunch.
In my mind, both of them were predestined, accepted Dafa, and agreed to withdraw from the three communist organizations. I wanted to be nice to them and leave them with a good impression. Now I know it was an attachment to fame.
Master said,
“...he is full of great aspirations while minding minor details.” (“Sage,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
“What do the old forces and the old cosmos see as the gravest thing? Lust, [in the form of] sexual activity outside of marriage. That’s what they see as the most serious of things.” (Teachings at the Conference in Los Angeles)
I realized it was inappropriate, because I had pursuit. In fact, I could have given them money and told them to go out and buy themselves lunch.
Looking inward further, I recalled that while working in joint ventures and private enterprises, I ate alone with male colleagues in the dining hall or restaurants. I now realized that was inappropriate, too.
I wondered why I was repeatedly tested when it came to “men and women behaving prudently.” Through Fa study and reading Minghui articles, I came to realize the root cause was that, before I began practicing cultivation, I was under the influence of modern deviant notions. I did not know about or pay attention to the traditional etiquette between men and women and tended to do whatever I wanted.
For example, I lived with my husband before we were married. After we divorced I was “transformed” in the labor camp and wanted to remarry my ex-husband. I once again lived with him without getting remarried.
After I resumed cultivation, I paid more attention to removing the attachment to lust. I exposed my wrongdoings to my fellow practitioners, but I didn’t dig deeper to identify the root cause, which was an unrighteous mindset and corrupted notions.
I did not take the opportunity to fundamentally change my human thoughts or send righteous thoughts to eliminate the rest of the corrupted notions, so they still existed in my dimensional field. As I write this, I want to expose them and disintegrate them completely.
Although I paid attention to removing the attachment to lust in my cultivation, the higher the level we go to in cultivation, the stricter the requirements and the more difficult it is to detect the manifestation of lust.
Lust does not stop at just an improper relationship between a man and a woman. Enjoying looking at handsome men and women, enjoying clothes and cosmetics, having a good opinion about the opposite sex—sometimes even one unrighteous thought, a movement, or a look reflects the attachment to lust, which can be detected with careful examination.
How does one remove an attachment if one doesn’t realize one has it? This is the reason why it is vital to study the Fa well.
In my understanding, as long as we have not completed cultivation, we are in the human world and are immersed in emotion. Where there is emotion, there is lust. The part of us that has completed cultivation has been separated, but what remains still needs to be cultivated.
When I passed a lust test, sometime later, I was tested again. Therefore, in removing the attachment to lust we cannot let our guard down in regard to male and female interactions. We must be strict with ourselves.
Please kindly point out anything improper.
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Category: Improving Oneself
