(Minghui.org) I am a young Falun Dafa practitioner who is currently studying for a PhD at a university in China. Having started the practice in junior high, I have been cultivating in Falun Dafa for over 10 years.
During my cultivation, I experienced failure and success, hardships and happiness, and many amazing moments.
My research is directed towards energy and calculation methods. As it is a rather new field, at the beginning stage of research, no one guided me, and I had to find my path. Although it was a very difficult process. I figured out a direction. This initial stage was quite smooth-going, so I thought that my research path was also going to be smooth.
Running Into Problems
However, since the start of this year, my research came to a standstill. My research ideas were proven to be meaningless as my suggested improvement to the calculation method made the method less reliable, worsening the effect. All of a sudden, I did not know what to do. Every day, after reaching the office, I no longer wanted to study, and I would complain to others. I claimed that I lacked certain conditions, and no one cared. I would read the news and browse through video clips every day.
I knew that this state was not right, but I did not know what to do next. There were no practitioners around me. My parents did not agree to my cultivating in Dafa, as they were brainwashed by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I got to know a practitioner while I was in high school, who was also my classmate in my high school. Since entering the university, I would look for this practitioner to share and exchange cultivation thoughts, whenever I felt troubled.
However, this year, I just could not find this practitioner, no matter how I tried. I did not do well in my studies and my Fa study either, but there was no one that I could talk to. The setbacks in my studies and the stress about my graduation and life seemed like a big stone weighing around my neck, and I could not catch my breath. In order to dispel this type of suppressed feelings and stress, I started to divert my attention to eating (overeating) and watching television programs to relieve the stressful feeling. However, not only were these methods not effective, they also made matters worse.
Later, I could not even get the Fa into my head when I studied the Fa. My studies were at a standstill. I became obese and would be short of breath for very long when I climbed the stairs. Everything just went off track.
However, I found many attachments of mine, such as jealousy, lust, fear, seeking fame and gain, laziness, not wanting to suffer hardship, dependence on other practitioners, complaining about things, and so on. However, although my situation improved a bit after finding all these attachments, the effect only lasted for a very short time. Before long, I would again sink into that tormenting state. I felt as though I had fallen into a big pit. Although it seemed I could grab a glimpse of hope, no help came, no matter how desperately I called for help. I felt that I was carrying a big mountain on my back, weighing heavily down on me, stopping me from climbing out of that pit.
There were many times when I felt that I was at the brink of collapse. Then, I realized that I had the attachment of pursuit. I used to think that Falun Dafa was a safe haven, and cultivating in Dafa should resolve my problems. Then, I tried to get rid of this attachment, but my state was not very good. I still could not get the Fa into my mind when I studied the Fa.
One day, I felt that the burden was so heavy and I could no longer breathe. I leaned against the wall and begged Master for help. After calming down, a thought suddenly flashed through my mind: “Watch a drama or watch a variety show.” I was shocked, as I found the cause of all these happenings.
After I started studying at the university, I formed a bad habit. Whenever I met with difficulties or tribulations, I thought that this type of tribulation should not be happening. If it happened, that was because I had attachments that I did not get rid of – there were loopholes in my cultivation. Then, in the process of finding and getting rid of these attachments, the tribulations or difficult situations were not resolved.
Then, when I faced a difficult situation I felt depressed. I would use everyday people’s methods to get rid of the depressed feeling. I would watch television programs, eat, or play games, until this difficult situation was resolved.
Sometimes, I would try to overcome the tribulation by studying the Fa, but studying the Fa became the method that I used to hide away from reality. Therefore, I could not get the Fa into my mind when I studied it. When this tribulation had passed, I would start to study the Fa with a serious attitude again until the next tribulation. Every time when I met this type of tribulation, I always thought that I needed to get rid of my desire to eat, goof off, and watch Korean dramas and variety shows. But I did not realize that I was trying to avoid facing my tribulations. I thought that cultivation should be smooth-sailing so when I was faced with tribulations, I only chose to escape from them, instead of facing them in a righteous way, and letting them go.
This also made me recall an incident after I graduated from my studies for a Masters degree. At that time, I came to an unfamiliar city to work all by myself. I felt very lonely and helpless as since I was young, I had been looked after and cared for by people. I had never gone to another city by myself.
At that time, I felt very lonely as I stayed in my room. Therefore, I started to look for variety shows to watch and turned on the speakers, hoping to get relief from that lonely feeling.
One time, when I went on a business trip my shoulders started to ache badly. It ached so badly that I turned on the Falun Dafa music Pudu and Jishi, hoping to gain some relief from listening to the music. The moment I turned on the music, my shoulder recovered, and it no longer ached. I thought that this was only due to my karma. I did not think that this happened to remind me that when faced with problems in life, such as loneliness, I should not use everyday people’s methods such as watching television programs to escape from the problem. I should face the problems, resolve what needs to be resolved, and get rid of the attachments that I need to let go.
After finding this attachment of escaping from reality, I started to study the Fa. Coincidentally, I studied the ‘The Spiritually Adept’ in the Ninth Talk of Zhuan Falun.
Master said,
“They are sure to be individuals who can suffer beyond the normal threshold, who have superior self-control, who are able to make whatever sacrifices are needed, who don’t squander their virtue, and who are spiritually discerning, among other things.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
“This means that whoever manages to practice here, in this painful setting, is just exceptional; it indicates that he has the Way in his heart, that he wants to develop spiritually, and is truly special. He hasn’t lost the innate divinity within, even here in this trying place, and wishes still to make himself worthy of heaven.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
“This means that to practice in a setting as complicated as this, we need to be able to weather the most trying of storms and have outstanding self-control, or ren.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
Through studying the Fa, I understood more clearly that the hardships in life are normal, as cultivators should be able to withstand sufferings beyond the normal threshold. In life, when I meet hardships and tribulations, I must still persist in my cultivation. When I face hardships in life, I must face the difficult situation and resolve the problem instead of trying to escape, and use everyday people’s methods such as watching television programs. All the more I should not try to use Dafa and treat it as a means of escape when facing difficulties.
When I was studying this part of the Fa, there were many times when I was in tears, and I felt that I suddenly became very very small, so small that I was like a sesame seed. My heart’s capacity expanded a lot and that suppressed feeling that weighed on me so heavily until I could not breathe also disappeared without a trace. That night, when I was sending forth righteous thoughts, my mind was more calm, with fewer stray thoughts.
It is only recently that I finally found the source of the attachment that had been troubling me for almost a year. From then on, I embarked on a new journey, and I deeply experienced Master’s benevolence, Dafa’s vastness, and the solemnness of cultivation.
Kindly let me know if there are any areas for improvement!
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Category: Improving Oneself
