(Minghui.org) My wife and I began practicing Falun Dafa in July 1996. All the health issues I had soon disappeared. We were grateful for everything Master did for us.
We stayed firm in our belief even after the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), led by Jiang Zemin, started its brutal persecution of Falun Dafa in 1999.
With more free time after my retirement in 2005, I wanted to contribute more to Fa-rectification efforts. Upon mentioning this to a local coordinator, he brought me a computer and other equipment so I could set up a print shop in my home. I have since been responsible for producing printed truth-clarification materials and DVDs, including Shen Yun performances, for our county.
Using Shen Yun performers as my role models, I uphold the highest quality when making printed materials and DVDs, to put the best quality materials into people’s hands. I thought I was cultivating very well.
One morning in August 2016, my wife started coughing up blood. My children and I frantically took her to the hospital. Before we left home, my wife said, “I don’t want to go to the hospital.” We took her to the hospital anyway. I did not have strong enough righteous thoughts at that time, and could not think straight.
The diagnosis was that she had a hemorrhage and needed surgery.
My wife said again, “I don’t want an operation.”
I still did not put enough faith in my righteous thoughts, and ignoring my wife’s protest, I signed the form for surgery.
The surgery left my wife in a vegetative state. After she was discharged from the hospital, I took care of her around the clock. She needed tube feeding. I washed and massaged her body, and changed her diapers. She passed away in December 2019, and left me with an enormous medical bill. I was also not doing well physically. Moreover, this caused a negative image for Dafa.
During that time, I studied the Fa every day and listened to audio versions of experience-sharing articles by other practitioners on the Minghui website. Those practitioners put faith in Master and Dafa and were able to break through their tribulations with strong righteous thoughts.
I asked myself over and over again: why couldn’t I have strong righteous thoughts when facing difficult situations? Instead, I followed ordinary ways of doing things. I thought that Master probably no longer recognized me as a disciple.
It was not that I did not believe in Master and Dafa, otherwise I would not have practiced Falun Dafa for so many years.
I realized that even though I generally had faith in Master and Dafa, I did not truly believe Master’s teachings above my level. Often times, thought karma would surface: Master is just saying it...
Furthermore, I was not part of a Fa study group. Without a cultivation environment, I didn't have input from other practitioners when I was in a difficult situation.
Upon realizing the importance of being around other practitioners, a five person study group started to meet twice a week at my home. However, I still couldn't find the root cause of my doubting Master’s higher level Fa.
I began to read all of Master’s teachings. One day, I read:
“It has been four years since I began teaching Dafa. Some students’ xinxing and level of realm have improved slowly; they remain at the perceptual stage in their understanding of me and Dafa, always being grateful towards me for the changes in their bodies and for the manifestation of supernormal abilities—that is an ordinary human mindset. If you do not want to change your human state and rationally rise to a true understanding of Dafa, you will miss the opportunity. If you do not change the human logic that you, as an ordinary human, have formed deep in your bones over thousands of years, you will be unable to break away from this superficial human shell and reach Consummation.” (“Cautionary Advice,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
These words shook me. Master was talking about me! After almost 20 years of cultivation, I had not yet broken out of my human shell. My understanding of Master and Dafa was based on emotion. No wonder I had no strength when facing a tribulation. It was because my cultivation level had not elevated. Without transforming my human nature to Buddha nature, I could not improve my level nor rectify the Fa. Cultivation is a serious matter.
After reading Master’s article “Expounding on the Fa” in Essentials for Further Advancement, I clearly realized that I was not facing tribulations with my true self, and this was why I couldn’t improve.
I had found the root cause of my lack of strength. I knew where my gaps were. I committed to memory “Expounding on the Fa” and “Cautionary Advice.” I used my Buddha power to eliminate thought karma when I studied the Fa, and was respectful to Master. As I put more time into studying the Fa, the effects of my sending forth righteous thoughts also increased. Any thoughts that were not aligned with the Fa were eliminated with righteous thoughts.
My heart was bright again after I came to understand Master’s high-level Fa. My physical health improved, and with it the confidence that I knew how to cultivate!
I am grateful for Master’s compassion and guidance. I hope my experience can be helpful to other practitioners.
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Category: Improving Oneself
