(Minghui.org) Although I have practiced Falun Dafa since 1996, after starting a new job with long work hours in 2018, I started to slack off in Fa study and doing the three things. I began to have swollen calves and low grade fevers in late January 2019. I wasn’t aware of any big problems with my cultivation state. I thought the physical issues were like tribulations I had experienced in the past, and didn’t pay much attention to them.
One night I was surfing the Internet when my wife suddenly told me to wash my feet. I said I was busy and refused. But she tried to force me with a bad tone. Without enlightening to it, I became angry and harshly refused again. My wife was furious. I was also angry.
The next day I had trouble walking, which later developed into abdominal discomfort. After a few days I had discomfort in my chest, difficulty breathing, fever, and coughing. I felt very weak and had difficulty going up the stairs. I kept hearing all kinds of noises that interfered with my righteous thoughts. Sometimes I couldn’t even squat or stand up properly.
I felt that the sickness karma came with a fierce force and seemed to be life-threatening. In the past more than 20 years of cultivation, I had encountered sickness karma many times, but basically only one or two conditions appeared. This time however, there seemed to be multiple problems.
Some of my colleagues know I am a Falun Dafa practitioner, and they directly or indirectly asked me to see a doctor quickly. My wife who is not a practitioner also urged me to see a doctor.
I realized there must be problems with my cultivation, but I did not wish to engage in a dispute with everyday people. I went to buy some medicines, such as cough syrup.
Master said,
“The sickness karma that appears in your body manifests as a test. Of course it appears to be sickness karma, as it definitely won’t have the appearance of a god getting ill. So you should handle it with righteous thoughts. You are a cultivator, so it is definitely not in fact sickness. But it won’t come across that simple.” (Teachings at the Conference in Los Angeles)
If something goes wrong in my cultivation, I may have manifestations of sickness karma. If I don’t look for the cause from the perspective of my xinxing, of course taking medicine wouldn’t work. On the contrary, the symptoms of sickness karma became more serious.
At that point I realized that this situation was caused by a major problem in my cultivation, so I stopped taking medicine, and removed the attachment of catering to everyday people’s thinking.
I reflected on my cultivation over the past six months and listed my attachments on a piece of paper. I was shocked! I have practiced for more than 20 years, but I still had so many attachments that I hadn’t completely eliminated! For example, I still had lust, jealousy, laziness, obsession with watching TV and wasting precious time on everyday people’s websites, etc. I had slacked off in truth clarification as well. With the accumulation of karma, the old forces would take advantage of any loopholes.
Recognizing my problems in cultivation, I knew I must hurry up and rectify myself. I sincerely said to Master’s portrait, “I am dedicated to practicing Falun Dafa, and I want to finish the entire cultivation path that Master has arranged for me. I will not acknowledge any other interference or arrangement! I didn’t do the three things well in the past, but I will do well in the future. Please save me, Master.”
I experienced the compassionate protection of Master. While weakly lying on my bed, my body felt as if protected by a large shield. I felt that the interference around me was fierce, but could not form any substantial persecution against me. I was not afraid, and did not waver at all in cultivation.
I started to send forth righteous thoughts for a long time, but I couldn’t sit still. I felt that my righteous thoughts had no power and I was weak all over. Either my mind was not focused, or strange thoughts would arise, or I’d doze off, etc. I kept begging Master to save me, and kept reciting Master’s scriptures, including “On Dafa” and “True Cultivation.” At this time I found that I could not remember the scriptures that I used to recite fluently.
I tried to study the Fa for a long time, but I still could not put my heart into it, and I couldn’t recall what I was reading. From time to time, I felt weak so I had to lie down, and the evil interference from other dimensions would emerge, with constant noises in my brain making me weaker and without righteous thoughts.
But I knew Master was watching over me, so I was not afraid. Since I could not fully recite Master’s scriptures, I kept reciting, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good. Master, please save me.” I could feel that Master was close by.
I thought, where did I go wrong? Besides the attachments listed above, what else was there that I was not aware of? In my eagerness I couldn’t find them at first. It was almost the Chinese New Year and practitioners were all busy. I didn’t want to disturb them, so I didn’t tell any of them about my situation.
On the fourth day of the Chinese New Year, my brother-in-law called and invited us to go to his house. At that moment, I suddenly realized that I had a long-standing resentment toward my brother-in-law. Although it was well hidden, the resentment towards him would always pop up from time to time.
My brother-in-law and and his whole family used to treat me with respect, but after the persecution of Falun Dafa started, it seemed that everything suddenly changed. They did not understand or support Dafa, and even spoke disrespectfully about the practice. I gave them truth clarification materials to read and tried to explain the truth in different ways, but without success. As time went on, I gradually lost my patience and developed resentment. I blamed them for being deeply lost in the maze, for bending with the political winds, for putting pressure on me, and so on. Gradually I no longer wanted to talk to them.
This resentment persisted for several years. Although I had clarified the truth to them, I wasn’t able to untie the knots in their minds. Once they had words or actions not to my liking, especially when they misunderstood Dafa, I’d disdain them rather than compassionately tell them the facts. Even though I later realized I should let go of my resentment, I couldn’t completely eliminate it. In recent years, I never took the initiative to contact my brother-in-law or his family, even though it seemed that the resentment towards him was no longer there.
In retrospect, it was actually because I didn’t pay attention to that attachment. His sudden call reminded me of the resentment I had not fully eliminated over the years. I thought that perhaps they were also under tremendous external pressure during the persecution of Falun Dafa and me. Isn’t their lack of understanding because of my own lack of compassion, and failure to effectively tell them the truth? Thinking of this, I asked Master to help me get rid of this resentment, “This resentment is not me, I don’t want it!” Just after I said this to Master in my mind, I suddenly felt that my chest was no longer clogged, my body had strength, and my coughing and gasping was much less.
I bought gifts and went to my brother-in-law's house. I hardly coughed or gasped during the gathering and meal at his house. They all said, “Aren’t you all right now?”
Master said,
“For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX)
Yes, when encountering any problem, the first thing a practitioner should do is to look inward. I thought back on what happened, and realized that it was my own fault for getting angry. I then said to my wife, “For so many years I only focused on my own cultivation, I did not fully clarify the truth about Dafa to you, I did not guide you into Dafa practice in time, and I lost my temper with you. I am really sorry!” I shed tears. My wife was also very moved.
My body was recovering and there were no more noises in my brain. I was able to study the Fa with a calm mind.
Now, whenever there’s any physical discomfort or interference, I look to see if I have any attachments, and if my words or actions are on the Fa. At the same time, I send forth righteous thoughts to deny the interference and persecution. The physical discomfort or interference disappears instantly.
I no longer watch everyday people’s TV programs or visit their websites. By studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts for a long time, and constantly correcting myself in Dafa, my health improved day by day, and finally I was completely back to a healthy state.
Looking back on the whole process, which took dozens of days, it was a big test of life and death. It appeared to be caused by a quarrel with my wife, but in fact, it was the result of long-term slacking off and lack of diligence in cultivation that brought about the evil persecution and tribulation. The quarrel was only an inducement, but also the result of not keeping up my xinxing, not looking inward in time, and not following the requirements to solidly cultivate. After the problem arose, I still wanted to follow the past method to overcome the tribulation, and even pretended to take medicine in order to cater to ordinary people. I didn't recognize the seriousness of cultivation, and attempted to muddle through without seeking much understanding, that definitely would not work. The reason is that at different levels of cultivation Dafa has different requirements for us.
I think I received Master’s compassionate protection because I have the heart to steadfastly complete the path of cultivation arranged by Master, and at the same time, I looked inward according to the requirements of Dafa. Without Master’s protection and without Dafa’s guidance, the consequences would have been disastrous. Cultivation is serious, and I must not slack off in the slightest in the future!
Thank you, Master!
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Category: Improving Oneself
