(Minghui.org) I was often inexplicably frustrated recently, but I couldn’t find the root of it when I tried to look within. It seemed to have been triggered by my family and friends’ unreasonable behaviors. I couldn’t understand why this was happening, because their behavior didn’t even measure up to the standards of everyday people. I kept strengthening my main consciousness, looking within for my own shortcomings, and trying to overcome the unworthy notions in my mind.
My anxiety was so intense that I felt like it was crippling me. A negative thought came to my mind that I had had enough and that I couldn’t change anything. Every day seemed to be a repeat of the previous one, and I couldn’t find any way to cheer up.
As I passively acknowledged these negative thoughts, they escalated and manifested in other situations. What other people around me said and did became more and more unreasonable. Some of them criticized me over minor things. I felt stretched thin and depressed every day.
When I sat in front of the portrait of Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, I felt like a child who’d misbehaved but didn’t know what exactly I’d done wrong. I looked at his face quietly with a pure mind.
Seeing how perplexed I was, Master enlightened me to something two days ago. The word “stuck” repeatedly came to my mind. It dawned on me, “Yes, I’ve been stuck!” It reminded me of a vision that Master had shown me to help me enlighten to something: My sisters and I were stuck in a mire with black waves. That was exactly how it was for me then.
Following that hint, I indeed found a hidden attachment. Thinking about the state of my cultivation over the past 20 years, I realized I took a long time to break through any form of negativity. I found excuses for my negativity, such as my introverted personality, today’s lower moral standards, and sometimes my own grievances.
Master has told us that, for a cultivator, nothing is accidental. This world is like a stage, and we are the actors. We shouldn’t be blinded by the false appearances in the drama but should work to detach ourselves from worldly things and purify our minds. It’s the only way we can elevate to high levels.
The above is my limited understanding. Please feel free to point out anything inappropriate.
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Category: Improving Oneself
