(Minghui.org) One day, I ran into Jing, a fellow Falun Dafa practitioner I had been avoiding at Fa-study group for quite some time. A few years ago Jing had asked me to study the Fa and send forth righteous thoughts with her mother, before she passed away. Because I wasn’t diligent in my cultivation, and slacked off in studying the Fa and doing the exercises, I felt I also needed help from fellow practitioners, let alone offering help to others. Therefore, I rejected Jing’s request with an indifferent attitude. I was a bit impatient, lacked compassion, and didn’t want to see her any more.
At that time, I had just experienced studying the Fa with fellow practitioners who suffered from illness karma tribulations. They were not very diligent and thus, lagged behind in their cultivation. The lengthy sharing with them seemed endless and left me feeling exhausted and helpless.
I felt I couldn’t take on any more, and wondered why she still came to me for help? This worried me so much that some of my hair even turned gray. After her mother passed away, she still complained about me for awhile. Then with the passage of time, I gradually let it go.
After a time, we started to meet up again in group study. I felt less avoidant toward Jing, but I still didn’t want to work with her. I felt she lacked righteous thoughts and didn’t truly practice Fa-rectification period cultivation. For instance, she always paid a lot of attention to ordinary people concerns. Jing didn’t take my time and efforts seriously, sometimes forgetting about meeting with me even though she was the one who set the time. She always tasked me to do things that she was supposed to do and criticized me every time we met.
I also didn’t look inward to cultivate myself. I didn’t take Jing’s shortcomings as a mirror for me to check on myself and find my own attachments so as to have a better understanding of the situation.
I was inclined to look outward for answers. I never bothered with carefully examining my deeply hidden attachments. I enjoyed working with practitioners I perceived as diligent, as well as those who were more influential over others, as I felt more motivated that way.
Working with those practitioners who were either capable, or held good social standing among people, or were financially well off, satisfied my attachment to vanity. Now thinking back, I did Dafa work while harboring so many attachments, no wonder I often received complaints from other practitioners!
I spent so much time, energy and financial resources on Dafa work, yet the results were not optimal. It came down to the fact that those attachments held me back in improving myself in cultivation. Furthermore, they prevented me from looking inward and truly cultivating myself. I ended up walking on the path arranged by the old forces without realizing it. As a result, my path became narrower and narrower.
Only when I couldn’t move forward did I begin to look inward, but only superficially. When that didn’t work, I began to look outward again. I started sharing with diligent practitioners for the sake of retrieving a little bit of confidence in my cultivation, to enable me to move on. All these years I have gone through these vicious cycles, which made me feel that cultivation was both hard and tiring.
I knew of a fellow practitioner who was not only a leader in her profession, but was also in high spirits every day. We are both Falun Dafa practitioners; how come she was so upbeat, whereas I always felt down and depressed? Others envied my decent living conditions and family support, however, I didn’t treasure this good cultivation environment given by Master Li.
One day, Jing and I had a clash during a group Fa-study. Whenever Jing ran into me, she complained to others and blamed me for things that may have occurred. Though I endured that on the surface, deep down, I didn’t feel balanced. On the other hand, my jealousy always made me look down upon Jing. I even hated to see her face, but on the surface, I still showed courtesy to her.
During these days, I was also very disappointed about the outcome of the U.S. General Election. In addition, my family members kept criticizing me on my shortcomings. A state of depression swept through me. I couldn’t concentrate in Fa-study, recite the Fa, nor keep the Fa in my heart. I couldn’t recall the Fa that I memorized before, either. In addition, my entire body was in pain.
When I decided to read the Fa aloud, Jing even complained about this, saying I disturbed her Fa-study. When I couldn’t hold my temper, I challenged her by asking why she was always at odds with me. Then Jing cried. She said she had resentment towards me, for I didn’t offer help to her mother during her most difficult time before she passed away. I then had to explain to her my cultivation state at that time.
Right then, I was still fairly reasonable. I didn’t vent my anger, but rather tried to avoid conflict with the hope that our relationship wouldn’t affect our cultivation environment. I also became aware that this was the old forces creating gaps between us. With this sudden conflict, it made all of us have to face the interference from the evil in our Fa-study group.
Every one of us began to look inward. Under such a powerful righteous field, the evil vanished. After we continued with Fa-study, we began to send forth strong righteous thoughts to dismantle the evil’s plot to create gaps among our group members. So, with that approach, the evil persecution towards us was over. In that instant, any gaps in my understanding of Dafa and difficulties with fellow practitioners collapsed instantly. We had eliminated the evil influences affecting our group. I could once again concentrate in Fa-study and understand the meaning of the Fa. I could also remember the Fa that I had memorized previously.
In that instant, it was as if I had gained a new life. I overcame my past mistakes and made a big leap forward in my cultivation. I felt extremely happy and peaceful. It was as if I had gone through a complete transformation. I felt I was a being of the new cosmos, as opposed to being manipulated by the fake me. Now I felt I could truly return home with Master.
From that day on, I have learned to cultivate my every thought. Whenever there are thoughts that didn’t align with the standards of Dafa, as long as I can recognize them, I eliminate them right away. It’s just like how I managed to get rid of my attachment to lust – to simply leave no room at all for this bad thought.
Only after having cultivated for so many years did I realize, by looking inward, that I could improve my xinxing. Only by cultivating myself at every opportunity, could I feel the beauty and wonder of Dafa cultivation. Thank you Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
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Category: Improving Oneself
