(Minghui.org) I am a young Falun Dafa practitioner in China. I began practicing Falun Dafa with my parents in 1998. During our years of cultivation, our family has been persecuted by the Chinese Communist Party, but, generally speaking, things have gone well and we have not experienced too many tribulations.
My parents and I have been quite anxious in recent years about my getting married. Three or four women of the right age were introduced to me by fellow practitioners, but for various reasons, none of them worked out. Although I know that my attachments might be the reason, it seems to be difficult to break through. Fellow practitioners pointed out to me that my motivation for getting married wasn’t correct. They said I should marry for a better cultivation environment, not just based on my preferences. I agreed, but I wasn’t able to do it.
Lust lingers on. Sometimes it is difficult to resist the temptations on the internet and elsewhere. I understand that, as a cultivator, I must not pay attention to, read about, or think about such things. Writing this out is a reminder to myself not to make such mistakes. I always keep in mind the teaching of Master Li Hongzhi, the founder of Falun Dafa, that premarital sex is not allowed, that it does not meet the standard of a cultivator. I have always handled this very well.
During this process, I thought of a few questions and would like to share my thoughts. I think they are also applicable to fellow practitioners abroad. Please kindly point anything improper.
Regarding the Issue of Young Dafa Disciples Looking for a Spouse
There is one thing that is clear: We should follow nature and not fall in love at an early age. The concept of early love here is different from what ordinary people refer to as “puppy love,” as practitioners must wait at least until they are old enough and have the right conditions to get married.
Absolutely No Premarital Sex
The problems among these fellow practitioners are: watching internet pornography, falling in love at an early age, premarital sex, marital infidelity, divorce, and so on. Most of those who’ve divorced had premarital sex or cheated on their spouses after marriage.
I believe that the concept of pre-marital sex does not just refer to someone else you have been with, but also your current husband or wife, because you were not married at that time. Although you married later, it violated the correct order prescribed by the divine, which may lead to tribulations and troubles. This is a reminder to fellow practitioners not to create additional tribulations for themselves.
Master has reminded us:
“It is already difficult, yet still you add this self-imposed tribulation. How can you overcome it? You might come across hardships or troubles as a result of it.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
Some practitioners think that when two people (regardless of whether they are ordinary people or cultivators) are engaged or plan to get engaged, it is okay to live together or spend the New Year together at their homes. But becoming engaged is not the same as getting married, and many times engaged couples break up before they ever actually marry.
Parents Need to Guide Their Children
As the old saying goes: “It is the parent's fault if they do not guide and teach their children.” Who’s responsible if young people (whether they practitioners or not) have these problems? Parents must bear some of the responsibility!
When some practitioners’ children (whether they practice Dafa themselves or not) had premarital sex, their parents ignored it and had not taught them the proper behavior in advance. Before their children get married, some parents let the couple live together at home and do not think anything is wrong. Worse yet, some parents do not stop their children's promiscuous behavior even when they find out about it through different channels. It is the parents’ responsibility to guide their children well. But if the parents talked to their children and emphasized the consequences of this matter ahead of time, but their children refused to listen, then it is their children's responsibility. When tribulation strikes in this case, it has nothing to do with the parents.
Some parents don’t stress the seriousness of the issue with their children until they reach marriageable age. By then it's usually too late! If they don’t heed their parents and do well when they are young, it will be hard for them to obey their parents when they are older.
Should We Marry Non-Cultivators?
I think it is better for practitioners to try to find fellow practitioners to marry.
Master mentioned in one of the teachings:
“Of course, there are also some young Dafa disciples who have gotten married to non-practitioners, with the person in some cases really getting led astray by emotion, becoming more ordinary than even an ordinary person. In some cases the interference brought upon the person has been sizable. The person then feels that he’s willing but not able [to do the things he should do]: he fears that the couple’s relationship will be affected, yet he also fears that he’s not doing very well with Dafa things, and knows that all of this is affecting his cultivation. It eventually renders the person mentally and physically exhausted, as well as confused about what to do. Actually, if you can manage to collect yourself and think it over, you will see that all of it is resolvable. Since this Fa has been transmitted as such in the human world, and since a cultivation method like this that pits you in ordinary society was settled upon, then for sure anything that you meet with in ordinary human society can be resolved. It just depends on how, in this case, you regard your family members. Are you able to handle things with righteous thoughts? Are you able to help them gain clarity by speaking with the righteous conviction of a cultivator? If you can handle things well, things will go well. If you can’t handle them well, it will be the opposite.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)
Master also told us:
“However, when Dafa disciples do things, it's prudent for them to put extra thought into it. You are a Dafa disciple, after all, so you have to be responsible to your cultivation, and you have to be responsible to the environment Dafa disciples have. So, I think that if you can manage to consider things on that basis, you will know whether certain things should be done, and, if so, how they should be done. If you put yourself first, it's likely many things will not go well, and problems will arise. If you truly want to be responsible to Dafa and to your own cultivation, you will do things well.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. VIII)
Issues after Marriage
Some married practitioners have also encountered tribulations and even divorced. Of course, that can happen for many reasons. Slacking off in cultivation or not letting go of attachments for a long time may cause tribulations and troubles.
Judging from the examples around us, as long as practitioners abide by the principles of the practice and traditional Chinese values, there should be no major problems in a marriage.
For Those Who Do Not Plan to Marry
Some fellow practitioners do not plan to get married. They want to go home with the Master pure and clean. I agree with and admire this personal choice!
In Summary
During my years of cultivation, I’ve felt that, in this process, as long as we can adhere to traditional Chinese moral standards and the principles of cultivation from beginning to the end and remember Master’s teachings, the marriage will work out in the end and there will be no major problems.
Marital misfortunes, divorce, and other tribulations are often caused by not adhering to the standards of a practitioner and messing around. These examples and lessons are profound.
Master has talked about this issue many times in his teachings, and we practitioners have to pay close attention to it. But many are often not vigilant about it and unconsciously go along with the unhealthy phenomena in today’s society when they encounter these things.
I am writing this article to encourage my fellow practitioners to maintain a high level of vigilance in this matter. To keep a proper distance from the opposite sex, to abide by traditional Chinese culture, and to keep the Fa in mind at all times.
For fellow practitioners who have made mistakes: Do not be disheartened. Correct yourselves and do well the next time. Do the three things well, and do not repeat the mistake in the future!
Master said:
“Of course, though, they know that Li Hongzhi will not forsake his disciples and will continue to try to save them.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)
“I don't like it when you blame yourselves, it's completely pointless. I'll just repeat what I said: If you've fallen don't just lie there, get up right away!” (Teachings Given on Lantern Festival Day, 2003)
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