(Minghui.org) My husband often praises me in front of his parents, relatives, friends and coworkers: “We have been able to get along in our marriage all these years thanks to her.” Others feel we are an enviable, happy couple. Eight years ago, no one would have thought this, and my husband certainly wouldn’t have said it. Our family was on the brink of collapse.
A Woeful Marriage
Eight years before, my mother-in-law tried to get my husband to divorce me as she was misled by the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) lies defaming Falun Dafa. She was scared that my practicing would compromise her son’s future, due to the Party’s policy of implication.
As a result, my husband often yelled at me, “I told you long ago I’m tired of living with you! I truly regret marrying you. Leave!” or he would say, “I want a divorce! The agreement letter is on the table, sign it quickly. Then get your family to take you home.” If I were not a Falun Dafa practitioner, I could not have been able to bear to stay with him for a single day.
Every day my husband would first go to his workplace to report and then go to the local park or streets to check if I was talking to people about Dafa. If he saw me doing this, a “war” would await me at home and this lasted from morning until late at night. He smashed chairs, mobile phones and made me go to court. He even threatened me with a knife and used all manner of soft and hard approaches. I was exhausted physically and mentally. I cried all the time.
Because I persisted, my husband finally agreed to let me leave the house twice a week and for not more than three hours each time. During these three hours, his parents helped me by taking care of our child. I went out to clarify the truth with an elderly female practitioner. In the beginning, I didn’t know how to tell people about Dafa. The elderly practitioner gradually taught and encouraged me. Soon I was able to talk smoothly. When someone realized Falun Dafa is good unlike the CCP’s propaganda, both of us were so excited we cried. It was the most wonderful time in my life.
However as I headed home, my heart always sank. The closer I got, the greater the trepidation. Going up the stairs, I was fearful that another storm awaited me. My mother-in-law threatened my parents and said she would report me to the police. She lied and told me that she had a headache and was not able to take care of my child at night. As a matter of fact, she went out to play mahjong every night.
I felt unjustly treated. I’d given up city living and a job with a good salary to follow my husband back to his hometown. We had no house and lived in a rented place. Because I had no job, my mother-in-law looked down on me. I had no money and had to look after my child during the day and at night, alone. I had no family except for my husband, yet he lost his temper daily and restricted my personal freedom. Looking at my infant baby, I was so miserable I wanted to die. I complained to other practitioners and my mother. I wept as I studied the Fa and read experience sharing articles by other practitioners on the Minghui website. I really didn’t know how to change such a family environment.
There Is Still Home in This Family
Through spending a lot of time studying the Fa and talking to other practitioners, little by little, I learned to cultivate myself. I remembered what Master said,
“I have thus said before that Dafa disciples, being cultivators, should view problems in the opposite manner from how human beings do.”
“When you encounter unpleasant things, it is precisely time to cultivate yourself, to cultivate your mind.” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XI)
My way of thinking went through a huge transformation. Initially I was stubborn. I fought back, and was sarcastic. I then progressed to being able to calmly listen and let my husband finish his words. Later on, my heart was not moved when he flew into a rage. I reminded myself to see things from his perspective and forgive him.
I said to him, “Don’t be angry. I’m not doing a bad thing by practicing Dafa. I simply do good deeds. How wonderful it is to be a person who lives by the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance! I will change if I have done something wrong. But you cannot stop me from practicing. I study the Fa, and do the exercises in my spare time. I have not inconvenienced anyone and my practicing does not stop me from doing household chores and looking after the baby. Why can’t I practice? The constitution even stipulates that citizens have freedom of belief! I am free to have a belief, and you cannot intervene.”
My husband slammed the door and walked out countless times when he heard these words. When he returned, I would walk up to him with a smile, pull his sleeves and say, “I’ve made dinner, come and eat.” He shook off my hand and walked away. I went up again and said, “You need to eat. I have already set the table.” I dragged him to the table and he ate without saying a word. Our child was young and had not learned to talk yet. The quiet and oppressive atmosphere at home was suffocating.
The next day, he continued to ignore me. I approached him with a smile again and invited him to eat something. This tense situation would go on for many days.
One time, I got my husband to take his meals like that for one whole month. He didn’t speak to me at all. Another time, he did not say a word to me for three months. But I continued to cook a variety of food for him. He was picky and I learned various cooking methods to suit his taste. He did not have a good appetite and couldn’t eat anything if it wasn’t spicy. I learned to cook Sichuan cuisine by watching videos. I prepared two types of food in every meal: one for my child, and the other for my husband.
I made four dishes every night. He had a small appetite so I bought 6 inch small plates and cooked enough to fill each plate. That way he didn’t have to eat leftovers and I cooked new dishes the next day. In the end he laughed and said, “You cook such a spread daily. I will not want to eat otherwise.” He also said, “Actually everything you do is not in vain. They are buried in my heart like seeds.”
Now, when he sees me cooking, he says, “Don’t go to so much trouble. It’s all right if you just cook anything. I will eat whatever you make.” Not only did he stop being fussy, he said to me more than once, “Do you know what moved me the most? That is you urge me to eat every day. This means that no matter how we fight, you have a bottom line. It showed me that there is still hope in this family.”
I know this came about because I acted according to Master Li’s (Dafa’s founder) teachings. I was able to forgive my husband’s wrongs and held myself to the standards of Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance. This saved my family.
Letting Go of Resentment
My husband loves to drink alcohol and often drank until he became drunk. Sometimes he passed out on the bathroom floor and slept there. At times he was so drunk he fell from the bed and slept on the floor until morning. There were times when he got carried away and yelled at anyone around him.
The year before, during the Chinese New Year, my parents and brother came to visit me. My husband drank more than usual at the gathering. He revealed that his mother wanted to buy a house and wanted to borrow money from my family’s relatives. My family said, “It is not our money and it's not appropriate for us to ask them for money.” My drunk husband shouted at my family: “Get out!”
I was heartbroken and cried uncontrollably. I had enough of his unreasonable behavior. I remembered all the unfair treatment I suffered all these years. He threw his tantrum at my mother on the day we got married. My mother looked after me day and night when I had a baby yet he slammed the door and walked out when he was unhappy.
He didn’t have a car, so my parents bought him one. He drove his parents around in it. My parents only come to visit once a year. Every time, I had to take a cab to pick them up. Not once did he drive the car to meet them. I stayed in a damp, dirty, small hotel and went to the hospital to take care of his father for one month. However he scolded me for six hours simply because of something my father said.
That day, his behavior was worse and it was during Chinese New Year. The more I thought about it, the more I felt sorry for myself and my family. My brother was so angry, he got up to leave. I persuaded him not to take my husband’s words to heart and said to my husband, “Do you think you should act like that?”
Realizing he had gone overboard, my husband turned around and knelt in front of my father, “Dad, I drank too much. I was wrong.” But in order to save face, he changed the topic and said he opposed me practicing Dafa. He reprimanded me for half a day when we went back to the room. He threatened to divorce me after my parents left. My parents who are also practitioners comforted me, “He was drunk, don’t resent him. Look at your shortcomings.” My husband fell asleep after he got tired of admonishing me. I was upset and bitter. I could not sleep.
I thought, “Why did this happen? What have I done wrong? When Dafa disciples have conflicts with ordinary people, it is we who are at fault. Why did I feel upset? What is it that I cannot let go of? I know that it is emotions, and my sentimentality towards my family.”
I realized that I thought families should be harmonious and cordial. Parents should be respected. I never argued with my parents. I abhor any behavior that is disrespectful to my parents. Everything that happened that day went against my notions. I thought, this will not do. We should cultivate ourselves not others. I cannot blame my husband. I should tell him to do the right thing. After my family left, I began to write a letter to my husband. It was 14 pages long.
In the letter, I listed the sufferings I went through all these years. A normal couple would find it hard to bear these difficult situations. I had a middle-level position at work, a respectable job. I told my husband the sacrifices I made to keep our family together. I confessed to him for the first time: how many times I felt like giving up this suffocating marriage. It is my faith in Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance that kept me going and helped me forgive my husband and his mother’s constant criticism.
I wrote, “In the past (before I began practicing Falun Dafa), I could not sleep. When I was a little hungry, my stomach would be in such pain that I could not move. I recovered from these ailments after practicing Falun Dafa. I got better yet I was forced to stop practicing—how can this be possible? Not only did practicing Dafa benefit me, it benefited our whole family too. You gained from my tolerance yet you refuse to give credit to Falun Dafa. This is not the way of a noble person. How can I respect you?
“All these years of our marriage, I constantly reminded myself to be forbearing and kind to others, to look at their strengths and try to do the best I could. As a practitioner, I should be able to sacrifice and not be afraid of losing. Six years have proven that I did so. Therefore I can say that I have no regrets in this marriage. I have given up whatever can be relinquished. I don’t want a divorce but I am not afraid of it. It doesn’t mean that because I practice cultivation, I have done something wrong and should tolerate everything. My kindness and tolerance should not be a reason for others to bully me.”
The first night my husband read the letter, he scolded me. After the second day, he became quieter and calmer. Later he said, “I am moved! I realized I did not do the right thing. I won’t act like that anymore.”
One night, he drank a little alcohol and said, “Thank you, dear. I am truly grateful to you. There is no one better than you. You are the greatest motivation for me in working hard at my job. I have a good son and wife. Don’t worry, I will not treat you like that again. I will not behave like that to your parents. I hope your brother has a happy life. I do have a conscience. I will treat them well in the future.”
Light at the End of the Tunnel
My husband repeated these words to me again and again. I was touched. Indeed, he did as he said.
Last summer, when my parents came to visit, my husband took time off from work and drove them around every day, taking them to tourist spots around the area. He even kept telling me, “They don’t come often. Whatever they want to eat, buy it for them, don’t be stingy. Don’t let them spend money.”
During the Chinese New Year, he sent greetings to my parents and even asked about my younger brother, “Has he got a girlfriend? I hope he gets settled down soon and has a child so that my father and mother-in-law don’t have to worry so much.”
When I went to my auntie’s place on the third day of the New Year, he said, “Don’t be afraid to spend money on gifts when you visit your family. Buy them something nice.” We brought many presents.
At my relative’s house, he accidentally drank too much. He was sorry when we returned home, “I was upset the whole day. I wanted to be on my best behavior but embarrassed you in the end.” I laughed, “It’s all right, we are all family.” He learned to control his intake of alcohol and seldom became drunk.
Although my husband does not practice Falun Dafa, he knows how to reflect on his shortcomings. He began to help with household chores. For instance, when I am doing the dishes, he folds the blankets. Occasionally he wipes the floor, washes the dishes and helps our son with his homework. He picks up and drops off our child every day. He bought an appliance to sweep the floor so that I don’t get tired from doing housework. He even told our son, “Why don’t you eat lunch in school so that your mom does not have to bring you lunch?”
He stopped making demands on me and instead sees where he is lacking and changes his ways promptly. He has become a different person. He is sincere, kind and loves his family. He is willing to make sacrifices for us and stopped interfering with me clarifying the truth. When practitioners come to our house, he greets them very naturally. I bought a printer to print information about Falun Dafa at home. My cultivation environment has improved and the atmosphere at home has become more harmonious.
My husband often compliments me in front of his parents, relatives and coworkers. We are a happy couple in the eyes of his friends and family. They even see us as experts in handling a marriage crisis. His cousin often comes to us for advice: “How do you get along so well with each other?” My husband told him, “Don’t try to change the other party, change yourself first.” He shared his personal experiences with relatives and coworkers, telling them to be considerate of their wives and love their families. Everyone said they were very inspired.
Last year, my husband even helped me find a job. Our income has increased and our lives are better. Everyone said, “These are blessings that come about from practicing Dafa.”
Looking back, I observed that my relationship with my husband changed by leaps and bounds. Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance has purified our family in these eight years of marriage. My husband has been transformed by Dafa, bit by bit.
What I went through in the past eight years taught me that no matter how acute the conflict is, in times when you have lost hope, as long as you believe in the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance, you will find a way out and there will be a silver lining in every cloud.
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