(Minghui.org) I am a new practitioner living in Germany.
In the first years of my life, I was a calm child. I did not ask for or want much, but I was very sensitive and not very strong. When others were fighting over dolls or other toys, I preferred to talk to stones, plants or entities. I withdrew and wanted no more than my peace. I never wanted to argue or fight with others, but for that I always felt I was different.
With the onset of puberty and the growing pressure to “belong” and be just like everyone else, I tried to fit in for many years. I dressed very simply and drank alcohol, and the topic of sexual liberation did not pass me unnoticed. I practiced to attain all kinds of attachments, and at some point in time it was difficult to control me. I got corrupted at school, disappointed my parents almost daily, and did a lot of nasty things.
Despite my struggle, a voice inside me told me very clearly that what I was doing was wrong. Now, I know that all of us have Buddha nature and know deep in our hearts what is right and what is wrong. However, I ignored the warning and I gave free rein to my demon nature. After all, what everyone was doing could not be wrong from my point of view at that time.
After a few years, I felt pretty torn inside and, above all, no longer liked myself. I was torn between the inner voice that repeatedly wanted to take me back to the righteous path, versus the rigid notion that told me that what I was doing had to be right since everyone else was doing it too.
When I was about 23 years old, I began to remember who I really was. I understood that this character I had developed over the years, which I did not feel good about at all, was not me at all. So, I decided to return to my original self one step at a time. This process helped me discard my bad habits and anything else I had developed over the years.
I became a good mother to my son, made my parents happy, began to think of others’ needs first again, and act accordingly. I no longer slept with men against my inner will, seldom drank alcohol, and made an effort to get back on my feet. I had a tough time, which of course involved a lot of suffering. Of course, I did not understand why I had to suffer even more now that I had stepped on a righteous path. Today, I know that I had built up a lot of karma during the time I acted unrestrained. It was precisely the suffering and perseverance that helped me reduce my karma.
At the same time, I began to take a superficial interest in the principles of Buddhism, as my mother is a healer and studied traditional Chinese medicine. I tried to become an even better person.
My life became more orderly again, and up to a certain point, I felt as if I was growing spiritually. But, at some point, the development stagnated for a few years, and I could not fathom why. Today, I think that it was due to various attachments that until then I neither recognized nor perceived as being bad.
Beginning to Cultivate
At some point I was writing back and forth to an old friend, and we exchanged our views on spiritual topics. He told me that he practiced Falun Dafa. He also sent me the book Zhuan Falun. I read a few pages but put the book aside for about a year.
The term “Master” is rather foreign in Germany, and I didn’t want to follow anyone but just wanted to collect my own knowledge–how naive. I did not know how grateful I would be to Master one day.
After about a year, I grew a bit further spiritually. I thought again about my past, as well as things I had seen as a child. I wanted to have an explanation for what I had seen then. I wrote to my acquaintance again one day later. We quickly touched again on Falun Dafa, and I suddenly had a strong desire to read Zhuan Falun. This time I could not stop reading.
When I came to the Celestial Eye in Lecture Two, I understood for the first time that being different as a child had not been a bad thing, and I was very touched. Some parts of the book reflected thoughts I had over the years but had never been able to understand. Other text passages were still far too high level to be understood. But, at every point that I understood, I had the impression of recognizing myself correctly for the first time, and had so many questions answered to which I had never found an answer in the past.
I became aware for the first time that there is an original “me” and an “acquired me,” and that they are in a dichotomy with me.
Something happened to my body at the same time. When I read Zhuan Falun in the evening, my body hurt a lot. I felt as if I was literally very hot, and thought that I was getting a bad cold or flu. The next day I felt fine again and was able to work, take care of my son, and study diligently for upcoming exams.
That evening I felt severe pain–especially in my legs–and again had the feeling of burning up, as well as coming down with a sickness. The next morning I was fine again. That went on for about three or four days.
Master said in Zhuan Falun:
“We will purify their bodies and enable them to practice cultivation toward high levels. There is a transition at the lowest level of cultivation practice, and this is to purify your body completely. All of the bad things on your mind, the karmic field surrounding your body, and the elements that make your body unhealthy will be cleaned out.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
“No matter how much you suffer from the "illness," I hope that you will continue to come, because it is difficult to obtain the Fa. When you feel very uncomfortable, it indicates that things will turn around after reaching the extreme point.” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)
Thus, I was not afraid, as I knew that Master was helping me eliminate the illness karma.
Strong Interference When Stepping on the Cultivation Path
So, I became more and more steadfast. However, as the resolve to cultivate became stronger and I was learning the Dafa exercises with a nearby Dafa group, I experienced severe interference. Family and friends kept talking about cults and the like out of the blue. When I searched on YouTube, an enormous number of annoying posts appeared, and I felt very bad and torn, since I had studied the Fa for only a short time. Besides, I was greatly disturbed by a number of things when doing the exercises.
Master said,
“Many of you have never thought about it further. What’s really going on? You only find it odd and feel quite disappointed about being unable to practice qigong. This "oddness" will stop your practice. It is a demon interfering with you, as it manipulates people to disturb you.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
So, I decided to eliminate this demonic interference and stand firmly with Dafa. I remained steadfast. I persisted to read Zhuan Falun daily, did the exercises, even when I was strongly interfered with. I did not recognize negative thoughts as my own. Nowadays there is no longer any such interference.
I am glad that for every problem that I faced, I read a suitable explanation in Zhuan Falun shortly after. I don’t think that this is a coincidence; instead, I saw it as help from Master for staying steadfast, as well as recognizing and truly learning the Fa.
My Present-Day Cultivation
By now, some time has passed since I stepped into cultivation. Through daily reading with other practitioners, experience sharing, and consistently studying the Fa, I continue to find and eliminate attachments. My understanding of the Fa is growing continuously, and I can stay firm in my decisions, because now I not only know what is right and what is wrong, but at my cultivation level, I am fully aware of it.
I have gained a lot of experience in the short time of my cultivation. Therefore, I wish to briefly summarize two of my experiences.
I could see something [with my celestial eye] again for the first time, but only very briefly and not on specific terms.
Master said,
“I will open your Celestial Eye directly at the level of Wisdom Eyesight. If it were opened at a higher level, your xinxing would not be adequate. If it were opened at a lower level, it would severely disturb the state of ordinary human society. With Wisdom Eyesight, you do not have the ability to see things through a wall or see through a human body, but you can see the scenes existing in other dimensions. What benefits does this have? It can enhance your confidence in the practice. When you indeed see something that everyday people cannot see, you will think that it certainly exists. No matter whether you can see something clearly at present, your Celestial Eye will be opened at this level, and this is good for your practice.” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)
First I was uncertain and wondered if it was an illusion or if I saw something real.
Master said,
“Also, sometimes you see things when you want to, and you actually really see it, but you think it’s an illusion. A lot of people, when they’re able to see things, think that they are imagining things. Let me tell you that when you see things with the human eyes, you’re used to [seeing things that way], as you think that it’s your eyes that are viewing [those things]. But consider this: Whatever you see is an image transmitted to your brain through your optic nerve, and the objects you see are [actually] reflections in your mind. Your eyes are only like the lens of a camera; they cannot analyze and reflect things themselves, as it is the brain that really reflects things. Since it is the brain that reflects images, what the Celestial Eye sees and what people imagine are both reflections in the brain. When you think something, it’s the brain that is thinking, and when you see something, it’s the brain producing the image. So when some people are able to see things, they think that they are imagining things. But it’s different, as when you imagine something it won’t seem as real and it won’t move, as it is a fixed image. When you truly see things, on the other hand, they will be moving.” (“Fa-Teaching Given at the Conference in Sydney”)
I’m certain that the small insights were granted to me to strengthen my belief in Dafa.
Recently, I have mainly clarified the truth about Dafa to acquaintances. Given my steadfastness and sincere righteous thoughts, the number of positive responses and people interested in cultivation is growing.
My son, who just turned 15 and has reached puberty, rolls his eyes when he was asked about spirituality. He suddenly became rather interested in Falun Dafa. Since then, we have talked about Dafa almost daily. That would have been unthinkable in the past.
But, by quoting Zhuan Falun, the words are said to carry the power of Dafa.
Master said,
“You can only use my original words to say it, adding that this is how Teacher says it or how it is written in the book. You can only say it this way. Why? Because when you say it this way, it will carry the power of Dafa.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
With my mother, friends, and colleagues, I often clarify the facts about the persecution in China. The more we talk, the more I hear. I am determined to widen my knowledge and help Master by clarifying the truth. I hope that I can do well.
All in all, I just want to end by saying that I am extremely grateful for Master to provide me the opportunity to cultivate.
Please advise me of anything I need to correct, especially if my words do not adhere to the Fa.
Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions or understandings. All content published on this website are copyrighted by Minghui.org. Minghui will produce compilations of its online content regularly and on special occasions.
