(Minghui.org) Greetings Master! Greetings practitioners!
I am 26 years old. I live in the U.S., but I am originally from Romania. I first learned about Falun Dafa from my friend in Romania in 2018, and even though I did not start to practice at that time, my life has improved so much since then.
Obtaining the Fa
I grew up as a Christian and I had faith in God, but when I became older, many things changed. I always looked for a deeper Truth of the Universe and the meaning of life.
For a period of time, I was very confused, and I had many tribulations with my parents. I tried to seek the truth in different Christian sects. I talked to people including priests, and read books on spirituality, but none of these were what I had been looking for.
Before my friend told me about Falun Dafa, I had a profound feeling that I was very close to finding what I was looking for. I even told my friend this, but she was not a practitioner at the time either.
Later she introduced Dafa to me by showing me a video of practitioners on social media. It touched me, and I felt like something inside me was awakened.
I read Zhuan Falun just a bit when I first heard about Falun Dafa. Later I finished reading it completely. I did not start to practice because I knew that I would have to fix many things, face my fears, and admit some big mistakes I made.
Although I did not understand exactly what cultivation was and found it difficult to start practicing Falun Dafa, I began to improve my life. Gradually my character changed, and my body was purified. For example, I did not find smoking that tasty anymore, and I quit it. It also didn't matter if I ate meat or not. I was even guided to a place to buy a copy of Zhuan Falun.
After a lot of changes and hardships, I moved here to the U.S. to marry my fiancé and I started to practice. Gradually as I studied the Fa, I came to understand that this was my “calling” and my destiny.
When I first studied the Fa, I thought that Master Li (Falun Dafa’s founder) began to take care of me when I started to practice. But the more I read, the more I felt that He had actually started taking care of me from the moment I read the first page of Zhuan Falun. But now with further studying and cultivating, I realize that Master was taking care of me for a very long time.
Master said,
“You will realize in the future that this period of time is extremely precious. Of course, we believe in predestined relationships. Everyone sits here all because of a predestined relationship.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
Cultivation Environment
As soon as I moved to the U.S. the pandemic started, and I could not meet practitioners or go outside. Everything was so new for me. I read Zhuan Falun in Romanian, and I was only able to talk to my friend practitioner from Romania. We encouraged each other in our cultivation and shared our experiences. I thank Master for His arrangement to meet her, and our cultivation environment even though we were far away from each other in two different countries. During that time, I learned the exercises by watching Master’s video instructions.
The pandemic was still at its peak, but I began thinking of calling a practice site near my area. I remember that just talking with the practitioner in charge of that practice site for only a few seconds boosted my mood. I immediately sensed the serene field of Dafa, and I was in a great mood that day. The practice site was closed due to the pandemic, but the practitioner offered to study the Fa with me over the phone every day. She read in Chinese, and I read in English. This helped me so much to understand how important it is to study Zhuan Falun and to be diligent.
After a while, she told me how to use a software, and I joined an English language weekly study group. In the beginning, I was so shy and nervous to speak and read in English. I had just started to learn the language and was still getting used to native speakers. Step by step through reading Zhuan Falun, I started to look inside to eliminate attachments. I had a hard time while studying the Fa with the English language group. At first, I could not breathe normally, I felt suffocated, and I wept after we finished reading.
Through this I realized that I was very attached to my reputation, how others saw me, and saving face. I wanted to sound like native English speakers, so I was attached to jealousy too. I discovered that I had notions regarding practitioners as well. For example, during reading, I had thoughts that I liked how one practitioner read, but I did not like how some others read. I also felt very disturbed and annoyed when people would tell me that I had an accent even though it was not said in a negative way, or when they did not understand what I was saying, and I had to repeat myself. But I came to understand that I was doing the same thing by labeling others. I had a lack of tolerance when I found it inconvenient to repeat or to think of other ways to express what I wanted to say.
Gradually I accepted that it was normal to have an accent as a nonnative English speaker and that it is fine to make mistakes. I started to focus more on how I could improve my English, rather than on what I did not know. This experience also helped me to understand the principle of “...no loss, no gain.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun) because I was afraid of people making fun of my accent and thinking badly of me. It was a gradual process where I eliminated the attachments to competitiveness, fear, jealousy, and self-image.
Master said,
“What we lose is actually something bad. What is it? It is karma, which goes hand in hand with different human attachments. For example, everyday people have all kinds of bad thoughts. For self-interest, they commit various wrong deeds and will acquire this black substance, karma. This directly involves our own minds. In order to eliminate this negative thing, you must first change your mind.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Clarifying the Truth
By further studying Master’s lectures at conferences over the world, I realized how important it is to clarify the truth to people. Because I was still new here, and the pandemic was still going on, I hadn’t had chances to join projects to help clarify the truth.
I started to have thoughts about going out around my apartment area to practice the exercises by myself. It took me a while until I made up my mind to do that.
Master said,
“You carry with you the responsibility of saving all lives in the whole world, which is even more significant, so you must change your own thinking and conduct.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference”)
I also started to learn how to make lotus flowers from origami paper. Master encouraged me in various ways to practice the exercises outside, and I found it was indeed what I was supposed to do. Right from the very first day when I did the exercises outside, a neighbor stopped by and was interested in Falun Dafa. Now, many people who pass by know me and some are happy to see me there. One day, a lady to whom I talked with before told me, “I had such a rough day, but now that I see you it’s nice!” I was moved by her words and I knew this was Master’s arrangement to let me know how wonderful Dafa’s field is for all sentient beings. Usually, people smile at me and come to say hi while I do the exercises.
From this experience of doing the exercises outside, I also discovered attachments such as validating myself instead of Dafa, because I would often feel good when people complimented me about the lotus flowers I made. I even had thoughts about how “cool” or “smart” or “wise” I looked because I practiced meditation in public.
“He who acts for his namea life of anger and hate is his...”(“An Upright Person,” Hong Yin)
Sometimes I felt frustrated that the same thoughts came back again and again. I understood that cultivation takes time. I can diligently eliminate attachments as they surface, and that it is a good thing that they surface. This way I can become aware of them and further eliminate what is not in the line with the Fa.
I also began to collect signatures to tell people in my area about the forced organ harvesting of practitioners by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I was very worried about how I could do this better, how to approach people, and how to talk to them. I was afraid that I did not have enough knowledge about society, politics, and I was nervous about my English too. I wanted to be with other practitioners to do this, and I did not want to be alone. This reflected in my attachment to sentimentality, and not having faith in Master and the Fa. I realized all those were attachments and interference that stopped me from doing what a Dafa disciple should do. I realized that to clarify the truth well does not mean we need to have a lot of knowledge about certain subjects. Instead, it means to validate the Fa with your heart and expose the evil perpetrated against Dafa practitioners.
Around this time, I was also given a hint to start memorizing Hong Yin. This helped greatly improve my cultivation. When I was out collecting signatures and I was interfered with, I would recite “Tempering the Will.” Sometimes I could feel how the notions and barriers were eliminated from my mind.
I also had a few chances to clarify the truth to people from China. One day I met a man, and he was upset about Falun Dafa. He said he was a practitioner back in the day when Dafa was first introduced in China. He began repeating all the Chinese Communist Party’s propaganda, including how America is against China. I tried my best to clarify the truth to him, but it seemed that we could not arrive at a common point. I mentioned the Tiananmen Massacre, and he said that the CCP is not perfect, but Falun Dafa is a bad group that now gained popularity in the West. I asked him if the Communist Party was that good, then why was he living in America? This caused him to reflect, and I felt that his good side understood what I was trying to tell him.
From this experience and other truth-clarification to Chinese people I discovered deep-rooted attachments. For example, at some point during the conversation, the man was talking louder. I think he wanted other people to hear him instead of me so I started to look inside. I realized that this reflected another facet of my attachments of self-image and reputation, and fear of being judged or people giving me strange looks.
I had this notion that it is harder to clarify the truth to the Chinese who were poisoned by the CCP. Instead of having compassion when they told me why they did not like or accept Dafa, I looked down on them. Some thoughts arose like: “How can you not realize that you are brainwashed?” I am grateful that through this tribulation I identified my attachments to zealotry, fear, anger, and self-image. I hope those sentient beings I was not able to get through to have another chance to learn the truth. I also need to remember to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil behind them. Looking inside even deeper, I can see the attachment of pursuit. I think many times I tried hard to change the beliefs of the person in front of me instead of compassionately clarifying the truth and letting the person choose for themselves and make a rational decision.
Master said,
“I often say this: If you speak to others out of your kindheartedness, entirely without any selfishness or your own self-interest, and completely for the sake of others, your words will move others to tears.” (Teachings at the Conference of Changchun Assistants)
There were also times when I would become fearful that I was not doing what a Dafa cultivator should do. I would clarify the truth out of fear instead of from compassion. This led me to be dragged into conflicts about politics and different topics about society, and I was not doing any good in clarifying the truth, especially with my husband. From these experiences, I eliminated the attachments of resentment, anger, jealousy, sentimentality, and notions like wanting to only be around people who agreed with my views. I often looked down on people with liberal ideas and felt uneasy talking to them. Of course, none of these were in line with the Fa and the principles Master teaches us. I adjusted myself and eliminated all that was not aligned with Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance. I also better understood that as Dafa cultivators, we are not here to change history, but instead to wake up sentient beings’ consciences.
Cultivation Changes Every Plane of My Life
It has been a year and some months since I started to cultivate diligently. I cannot put in exact words how cultivation changed my life. I have become calmer and can let go of trivial matters much easier. Similarly, I improved all relationships with people in my life and I now try my best to concentrate on one thing at a time. Before, I used to be very much distracted and could not focus on one task. I am learning every day how to contain myself and not let my temper flare. It is not always easy, but I know this is what truly matters. With Master’s guidance and the Fa in my heart, I can overcome anything!
I was very ashamed of my past and where I grew up. I resented my parents and my life. But now I am grateful, and I have no regrets. I am blessed with the life that I have, my family, and that I am here to the U.S. I cherish this blessed opportunity to be a Fa-rectification cultivator. I want to further improve my xinxing, be more diligent by practicing the exercises every day, and to further assist Master in awakening sentient being’s consciences.
These are some of my understandings as a beginner cultivator. Thank you, fellow practitioners, and I especially thank you, Master, for encouraging me to write down my cultivation experiences.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow cultivators!
(Presented at the 2021 Online International Young Practitioners Experience Sharing Conference)
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