(Minghui.org) I recently experienced irregularities in my menstrual cycle. My period this month was more than 2 weeks late, and it lasted for almost 20 days. These 20 days were a trial for me, so I went through a thorough test of my cultivation state and realm.
When I missed my period for the first 2 days, I did not give it a second thought. However, I became a little uneasy when it was late for one week. When it was late for two weeks, I did not treat this from the perspective of the Fa. Instead, I searched online and read many articles about menstrual disorders. I comforted myself by thinking that it might be menopause as I was almost 41years old. I then bought some dietary supplements online.
After two weeks, I noticed some menstrual symptoms which were very unusual. And this state continued for almost 20 days. I started to worry, and kept counting the days back and forth.
Finding a Deeply Rooted Notions
I began to look inward. I found that I had a deeply rooted notion – I was always afraid that I had some “disease.” In other words, my faith in Master Li (Dafa’s founder) and the Fa was shaken. I looked inward further and realized I had loopholes.
For example, some time ago, there had been no rain in my area, and this continuous dry weather made me anxious. I even spent a lot of time following the daily weather news. I knew that everything on earth is in God’s hands. But, when I imagined the inconvenience without water, I couldn't find a reason for the lack of rain. I even vaguely blamed the gods, and thought whether they forgot to make it rain. When I thought of this, I was regretful. How could a Dafa disciple blame God and complain about heaven? What a great sin I had committed!
I then continued to examine my other thoughts. I found that I developed a pursuit of comfort, and did not want to endure or sacrifice. For example, I never cleaned our washrooms at home because I did not like dirty work.
Dealing with the Attachment to Lust
I also found my attachment to lust. In addition to the desire to draw the attention of males, I even watched pornographic videos on the internet. I realized these were not minor issues.
In traditional stories, gods took away many people’s fortune and fame because they had lustful thoughts. Some even experienced misfortune because of their lust. The gods are carefully examining every being’s thoughts and actions. Our practice corresponds to the vast number of beings in the countless heavenly bodies. As a practitioner, even if I did not have the act, but divine beings can see my lustful thoughts so that the lustful thoughts would be looked at as worse mistakes in their eyes.
Due to the attachments to lust, I spent time and money on clothes and makeup. I paid particular attention to how my young colleague dressed. I even spent a lot of time on exercises, hoping to maintain a good figure by doing exercises. In an attempt at anti-aging, I even bought nutritional food, hoping to look younger by taking them.
In the past, I always shook my head when fellow practitioners ate dietary supplementary. At that time, I felt that such things were instead polluting the pure body of a practitioner. It was also a manifestation of not believing in Master and the Fa. However, when I had a slight deviation in my cultivation, I did not measure my thought with the standard of the Fa. I started to experiment with dietary supplements. I gradually got used to taking them, and in the end, I did not realize that there was anything wrong with taking supplements.
There is nothing wrong with dietary supplements. However, if we develop an attachment to keeping fit through these nutritious products, we are not true practitioners. We forget that Master has already purified our bodies at the beginning.
When I calmed down and recalled past incidents I realized that this was a deviation from the Fa. I realized I had gone too far.
Looking for Minor Karmic Incidences
Master said,
“Some of our practitioners are struggling with passing the tests of sickness karma. Don’t think that it’s necessarily something major [that causes that]. You might think that you haven’t done anything majorly wrong, and that you are very firm in your faith in the Fa. However, you shouldn’t treat the little issues you have like they are nothing. The evil will seize upon any gaps. Many practitioners have even passed away on account of little things; it really was due to something very minor. That’s because cultivation is something serious, and requires having no gaps. If for a long time you haven’t dealt with those things through cultivation, small as they may be, if you haven’t taken them seriously for a prolonged period of time, then it is a big issue. Many people have passed away on account of such things.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2015 West Coast Fa Conference”)
When I looked inward and dug out my attachments, I realized I did not do well on many minor issues. For example, I told lies sometimes. I did not do well in monetary matters. I felt lust when speaking to some males. These scenes reflected my loopholes that I was not aware of and did not pay attention to.
A few years ago, I promised to memorize the Fa and even wrote it down. I said to Master that I would engrave Dafa’s words into my cells. However, I gave up at the ninth lecture and never picked it up again.
We all hope that we can become good disciples. We even keep making promises that we will cultivate diligently. But, due to the temptation in ordinary society, we did not do the three things well, and we put the promises aside. I still kept my promises in a deep corner of my heart, but I did not fulfill the promises. However, even if we forget about these promises, Master did not forget what we said, and the gods do not forget what we promised.
I was ashamed and regretful when I realized these attachments. It turned out that for a long time, I had not taken my cultivation seriously. I have pursued the so-called happiness of everyday people. I hid my attachments, did not want to face them and did not want to eliminate them.
I also realized that I did not do well in sending forth righteous thoughts. I either forgot to send forth righteous thoughts, fell asleep, or was absent-minded.
After I realized all these loopholes, I started to send forth righteous thoughts with a focused mind. Now I can feel the powerful energy when I send forth righteous thoughts.
Returning to True Cultivation
I watched Master’s lecture videos several times during these 20 days, and I returned to true cultivation. I felt the layers of sludge that had covered my true self began to peel off, and my true self started to shine.
The 20 day long bleeding stopped when I continuously looked inward and corrected myself. I thought about going to the hospital and had been depressed. But, I never forgot that I was a Dafa disciple. I knew there is no other path for Dafa disciples to take. We can only walk the path of cultivation without deviation and unconditionally meet the standard as a Dafa disciple.
This experience has not only made me deeply aware of the seriousness and importance of cultivation, but it has also helped me understand Master’s teachings further, and deepen my determination to believe in Master and the Fa.
I want to thank Master for not giving up on me, and for waking me up so that I can still walk the path of cultivation in the time that Master has extended for me. I will solidly cultivate my heart, and seize every moment to catch up. Thank you, Master!
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